3 Important guys in 1 Night

03-19-2009 Thursday

Oh come on, it's not what you're thinking! I'm happy today because for the first time in a long time, things worked out the way I planned them to be. Great.

First things first, I met Mario, my most recent ex, at around 4 at SM Fairview. I have to return the usb and book I borrowed from him and he mentioned beforehand that he has something important to say. A lot of thoughts have been running on my mind while on my way to the mall. I'm thinking, maybe it's painful for him to read this blogs that I've wrote about someone else, or maybe he wanted some clarifications if I have someone else already or not. Well, whatever, I wanted us to remain friends and most importantly, I wanna skip to the most exciting part of this day.

So we talked. Turns out what he wanted to say is something I somehow expected in the back of my mind but couldn't convince myself that it could be. He wanted to get as far away from me as possible. No communications, nothing. He said he can't bear the thought of being friends with me when in fact he still feels something for me. Sucks. Just when I thought he's cool about everything. Well, I can't blame him and I appreciate the honesty. What I can't accept is that it's all too sudden. I have no idea at all that this is what he's going through. I've hurted him by falling out of love and if it wasn't enough, I keep on hurting him by pleading to still be friends with him and stay in touch. I feel guilty but I really have to let him go. For real.

He said he'll come back, though. Once he's ready to face me again and be friends. I said I'll wait. He's a good friend. We get along well and I'm sure as hell, I'm gonna miss his company. Before he left, I made him promise me that he'll move on. I wanted him to be happy. I wanted him to get over me. We still had a few laughs before my other guy friend showed up so I introduced them, handshakes and all then Mario went on his way. I remain standing there at the crowded mall, looking at him as he walked out of the mall and out of my life, and at the same time, wishing that the love I wasn't able to give will soon find him.

Alrighty. Guy number 2 is my good friend Jerwine whom I haven't seen in a long time. I asked him out so we can drink, hang-out and try to catch up with each other's lives. We sat at an outside seat on this place called Gerrys. A few bottles of beer, a bucket of ice, one pack of Marlboro lights, an ashtray, a Tuna sisig on a dish, a bucket of ice and two tall glasses all in front of us at the table and the mood is set for a good ol' friendly conversation. I miss having a good conversation with someone. If there's one thing that Jerwine and I likes to talk about, it's music. We talked about his band, the music industry, the gigs which I always miss because of work, the other bands that we know personally, and stuff like that. By the time we gulped the last few drops of our drinks, I was slightly dizzy but it's all good. Haven't felt slightly drunk in a long time. We seperated at the bus stop in front of SM and I waved gratefully at him as he rode the bus that'll take him to his house in Bulacan.

Save the best for last, they say, so here it is.

He made the very much anticipated appearance. At last! What happened was he texted me last night and I raised hell in my reply, telling him that I doubt him, I think he's full of excuses and I will not believe him until he show up and tell me everything he keeps on saying to me in person. Obviously he was alarmed so in other words, I was able to get what I want. Haha.

As I was saying, he did showed up. He picked me up at the bus stop in SM. He was there after I waved Jerwine goodbye. Sigh. The face I long to see was there in front of me, I'm slightly drunk and his gaze is not helping me sober up, at all. I let him talk, let him explain himself and all the time he's talking I was doing nothing, saying nothing but stare at those piercing warm brown eyes. Dammit. All the anger, frustration and doubt was all washed away as he spoke and I believe him. God, I believe him. I can tell that he's telling the truth. About his feelings for me, that he was sick for a week, oh man, about everything. I saw it in the depth of his eyes.

He never left me on the way home. He said he's gonna make sure that I come home safely. I let him come with me. He even walk me home. We were talking, joking around and laughing as we walk. It was nice to be with him. Damn, I really like him. Love? Nope but if things continue to be this way, then it's not so far.

I showed him our house from the outside since I can't invite him in anyway. I thanked him for everything and reminded him that it's late so he should be on his way. To end the perfect night, he told me he love me one more time, held my hand and I almost lost all my inhibitions. Still, I have reservations so I smiled and said I'll think about it but I didn't broke my hand free. It felt right, somehow.

So there. One long night but everything was right. Drunk, headache, hangover and all, but fuck it, I'm so damn happy so it was all worth it. Damn worth it.

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 8:01 PM