How long does it take before it's more than an attraction?

I'm already on the verge of giving in. I know it's very wrong. I just finished a good relationship so I don't deserve to be happy with someone else. I don't even believe that I can possibly fall for someone whom I just met a couple of weeks ago.

I know myself better than anyone else however when it comes to relationships, I'm a stranger to my own feelings. I don't know why I fall so easily for someone, stick with them for awhile but eventually fall out of love then I find another one again and the cycle goes on and on 'till I'm fucking sick of myself. You really think I'm happy with that? Not really. I'm no different than a whore who swings from one guy's dick to the other. Crap, sorry for the disgusting metaphor but that's how unclean I feel.

I know what I like in a guy. I don't have that many standards when I find a boyfriend. As long as the guy is fun to be with and sincere, I can fall for him. Hell, I don't even care about the looks. But still, what's wrong with me?!! I keep on asking that same question over and over and over but the answer eludes me.

My friends tell me that I'm still too young that I just don't know what I want for now. Others tell me that maybe I still haven't fallen in love yet. I thank them for understanding me but it doesn't make me feel good about myself. Not even close.

So anyway back to my original sentiment. How long does it take before you can say that what you feel is more than an attraction? The thing is, this guy with the breathtaking beautiful eyes is being very vocal about his so-called 'feelings' about me. He tells me he likes me, he even loves me, yada yada and I'm like, 'That's crazy! We're just starting to get to know each other! How could you say that?!!?' JESUS. I'm gonna go insane with that guy. Shit, I maybe insane...or worse, crazy about him already. The fuck! NO NO. Forget I said that.

Can anyone give me an adequate answer?? I've been in this situation before and it's not advisable for me to just jump into a relationship just because the guy fascinates me. Yeah, he does fascinate me, in a hell lot of ways. Is that enough? Is a couple of weeks enough to believe that he has really fallen for me? That's plain shit, man. It's hard to take him seriously because I want to have reservations for myself. I miss having someone yet the time that I'm alone is not yet enough for the self-realization to come out in the surface.

I'm still the same, old, unpredictable me and at this state, I don't trust myself to be with anyone right now.

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 3:51 AM