I'm losing it...

03-14-2009 Saturday

Slowly. One day after the other.

Why is it that I make myself complicated most of the time when I can just ignore the things that make me lose my mind? I shouldn't even be bothered with it but how come I can't stop thinking about him? Why is it that when I'm not hearing anything from him, I get bored as hell?

I'm longing to see that goddamn beautiful face of his with a smile that can melt my insides. I wanted him to show me that he meant everything he told me. If it's gonna go on like this without me having the slightest idea what he's been up to lately, I swear to God, I'll just cut all this bullshit, move on and find another prospect. Darn, I wish it was that easy.

I like him. I really do. But I haven't told him anything yet. Nah, he's probably aware of that already. Why would I even give my number to him when he asked for it in the first place? It goes to show that I'm interested in him. Like I said, boys are not really dumb, they just play that part to save their ego from getting scarred. (Don't let me explain why I said that). Now here I am again, pulling every strand of my hair out of frustration. Whenever I look at my cellphone and there's no new message from him, I get disappointed. Oh wait, he sent me a message alright, a forwarded message twice yesterday but then that's it. Haven't heard from him until now. I still don't know when I'll see him again and that's what kills me. Plus, what kills me more is the fact that I don't know where the fuck he is, what the fuck he's doing or if he's really sick like what he claimed to be. I want to know everything about him so I'll know how to handle him! Whether to take him seriously or not, know what I mean?

Nothing is here to distract me at this time. It rained a few hours ago and bam, all the powers went out. I plan to do some serious movie marathon today but thanks to the blackout, I'm sitting here again trying hard not to think or even look at my cellphone for it'll only bring further disappointment.

I have to think of something. Anything. This isn't how I planned my single life to be. I'm supposed to be enjoying me freedom and some time alone with myself. Alright,one week. Next week, he has to see me. If he don't it's his loss, not mine. Right. Now where did I put the bottle of beer that I just opened? I don't know how long this blackout is gonna last so I better drink this baby while it's still chilled.

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 5:56 AM