So this is what Single life is like..

03-17-2009 Tuesday

One text message a day isn't enough to keep me from losing my mind. It doesn't even compensate the fact that I rarely hear from him. I'm pissed. I'm thoroughly, absolutely pissed.

Today is Tuesday. Now shall I wait until Sunday or Friday? Dammit, I know myself. I damn well know that by next week I'll probably be still waiting for him to make the much anticipated appearance. I know that's stupid of me. Why waste my time on someone I barely even know? Someone who can't even be totally honest about what he's been up to? God, I should also stop writing about him!

Know what I'm starting to realize? Single life is cool if you have all the time in the world to go out, party, hook up with a total stranger, get wasted and do it all over again the next day. It's fun because you can go out as much as you want, flirt all you want without having to worry about someone who'll most likely crack your head open out of jealousy. On the contrary, if you're a gal like me who's life is as boring as waking up at night to go to work, coming home in the morning, eating breakfast while watching either a good mystery drama show or a gore horror flick, then sleep and the routine starts all over again, being single is not really something that'll fill the gap in between. I think I have to admit it... I need someone. Sure I like some alone time but the silence is deafening sometimes. It's still nice to have someone to cuddle, to kiss you on the cheek just to relieve all the tension thrust upon your shoulder for that entire day. Oops, I think I should stop before I go melodramatic all over.

I think what I need is to get my social life back. Hang-out with some old lunatic friends of mine, have fun, drink booze, smoke a little. Yes I know I'm done being a badass but some retrospect wouldn't hurt. I don't plan to go back to my old ways, it's just that I might need to loosen up a bit. I've been too boring eversince I started taking my job seriously. Work has consumed all of me. It has eaten me alive. I crave work. I wanted to sell, sell, earn, earn. Not that it's a bad thing, it just made me so goddamn boring that no one can relate to me anymore.

Who can blame me for being that way? I mean, look at my job. It's as stressful as hell that all I wanna do when I get home is lie in bed all day and be nothing but boring.
I don't get enough sleep eventhough I'm almost overdosed with anti-oxidants just so I can sleep, I get tons of headache, and although I feel like shit, I'm still required to work and hit goals. Now, instead of feeling like shit, what I did was bend over backwards to surpass expectations. I guess that's what changed me. That's what made my personality so strong. I've become more opinionated, more determined than ever to survive the circumstances. Yeah, you can call me serious or boring and I'll turn around and say 'thanks'.

So in conclusion, I'm still waiting for him, I'm still boring, I'm still pissed and most importantly, I'm still halfway from losing my mind completely. I guess I'll just let this week pass and I'll figure out something by next week. Hopefully.

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 7:15 PM