Dealing with Changes

01-05-2009 Tuesday

The hardest change that I have to deal with lately is Alex. Right now, I really don't know how I can manage my life because it seemed like all the negativities are out there to eat me alive. It's as if it wasn't enough that my mom has gone insane and is threatening to bring hell back at our house, and now it's Alex.

We were okay last New Year, starting over again and everything seemed to mean a happy ending for our relationship. Now, a few days after, he's back to being invisible. A text or two a day, and that's it, I'm barely hearing from him, I don't even have any idea what he's up to. The last thing I heard about him is that he's staying at his boss till the 3rd and it's the 4th yesterday, he did text but I have no idea at all on what's keeping him busy, if he's already staying with his goddamn boss forever, or what, it's hurting me so bad.

I'm tired of feeling like I mean nothing to him. I'm tired of not knowing what he's up to, it's okay if I'm no longer part of his priorities but the worst part is that I don't even know what those fucking priorities are. Does this all sound familiar? Yeah, I remember feeling like this with Mac.

Before, I felt like he loves me more than I do love him but now it's starting to feel like the other way around. What is happening? Did I change? Maybe, a bit, but I love him more as we progress in our relationship. I'm not asking for too much, all I need is to feel loved just like everyone else. All I want is to feel that I'm important to him the way he made me feel before. Where did all of it go?

I can think of many things that has changed in him and it's so upsetting to think about it. I'm trying not to think but whenever I glance at my cellphone, devoid of new messages from him, it's making me sad. I know he doesn't have anyone else, he's not cheating or anything. It's more of priorities, I guess. He has become too focused in making money and kissing his boss' ass that he's forgetting that I need his time as much as his boss does.

Another thing is, he's making money for himself and for the motorcycle, buying stuff for it while I wait for him to treat me, give me something cheap but there's none. That made me feel like he's working for the goddamn motorcycle which is we're gonna sell anyway because I'm tired of having it.

Well, let's see, he doesn't have enough time for me, he doesn't give me anything, he doesn't do anything that'll make me feel special.. I don't know. I'm giving up. I'm losing hope that things are ever gonna work out for us.

Labels: alex, boss, girls, love, pink crimson, relationships, work

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 2:01 AM