Single but Not Alone

12-23-2009 Wednesday

When you believe in something so hard, and you keep on thinking about it, telling yourself that it's real, forcing yourself to really believe in it, then it starts to sink in your pathetic little brain that it's the truth and nothing else. So now, as I wake up this morning, after being stood up, again, last night, I finally let my mind accept the fact that I am single now and I need to start deleting some photos on those social networking sites that I usually visit. Oh and I won't forget to change the 'In a Relationship' status to 'Single', that way, I'll truly believe in it because others will.

The worst part about it is that after Alex apologized,promised that we can start over and even begged me to come back to him, he stood me up last night. I told him to come over to the house after his work so he can have some of the ham that we got out of the San Miguel gift checks, he asked me what if it's already late, I said I can wait. And boy did I wait. I left the door unlocked, I turned on the light outside, and I didn't sleep very well so I can hear him when he comes. Only to read his message at 2 o clock in the morning that he will just go home because he's too tired and our place is too far. Well, screw him.

Ok, I am demanding, I know that. I can understand him if he has said that at least 3 hours earlier so that I don't have to wait and always wake up every half hour just to check if he's already arrived. He did it to me again and the worst part is he made it sound like it's my fault for having to live miles away from where he worked. I go to work near where he worked and I go home every fucking day. Some colleagues of mine resides as far as Bulacan and they still manage to go home no matter how late it is at night or how early it is in the freaking morning, and we're as tired as he is last night but we manage to make it home because we wanted to.

If you really wanted something so bad then you'll make an effort to make it happen. I thought that after almost two weeks of not seeing each other, he would start making an effort to come see me whenever he can and I thought that after all the begging he has done, he will make it up to me by not letting me wait for nothing. Well, oops, he did it again.

Considering the fact that he still has my motorcycle, I believe it's a helluva lot better than commuting in the wee hours of the morning so given that fact, he would still give me a reason that my place is far, he's tired, his body is aching and all that crap. Ya know what they say, if you don't want to, you have reasons, if you want to, you find a way.

Starting today, I have to start living a new life, as a single gal. Yup, y'all heard it right. I'm simply tired of non sense reasons being fed to me and I'm not buying it anymore. I knew it since yesterday that I've made a mistake in taking him back and I was dumb enough to fall for his fake sincerity.

I'm moving on without him. I have my job to focus on. I have my cats, and my Damien who loves me more than a human can love another human being. I have my colleagues to keep me smiling at work. I have my gramma who serves delicious meals from the heart. With all these special things beside me and with faith to back me up, who says I'm all alone?

Labels: alex, gal, pink crimson, relationships, Single

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 6:00 PM