An Ordinary Day

01-10-2010 Sunday

It rarely happens that I get an ordinary day off, the kind that I would go home in the afternoon hungry, then I would eat the food that my gramma prepared, and I would probably read some pages of the book I'm reading before going to sleep. A no-worries, ordinary day. Today is one of those rare days for me. I got nothing to do after getting home from work, no plans for the night, no waiting for Alex to show up after midnight, no quick errands to do before going home. It's as simple as going home to sleep and take a day-off.

I blocked all unwanted thoughts from my mind as I slept earlier. It worked for me because I was able to get a nice sleep before waking up at around 4:30pm to catch my favorite weekend showbiz news. My gramma prepared a cooked cob of corn for me. I whipped some dari creme on it and I munched away happily while staring at the TV. What'd I tell you? Just a simple Sunday, nothing else.

I have to make the most out of it today because next week, I'll be back to going places without much of a sleep. I talked to my uncle in Quezon City, whom I'm persuading to let us rent a room in their house so that we can be with a bunch of people from the family. It will help me deal with my mom when she gets released from the rehab. He said I need to go there next Sunday after I get off from work so we can talk personally.

Then, next Monday, Alex and I will go to his hometown in Cavite, something that's supposed to be tomorrow but it doesn't surprise me that it got rescheduled because something came up, in his job of course. It's been awhile since we last went to Cavite and I missed that place so much. The peaceful and simple life back there, I am hoping that when we get there, Alex will be back to being simple, back to what he used to be. It has been months also that he wasn't able to visit there because of his damn job of course that knows no day off.

We will probably be back to Manila by Tuesday night, it's just a short visit and even though I would like to stay there a bit longer, I have to go to Pampanga by Wednesday for an appointment with my mom's psychiatrist. The rehab staff told me I have to speak with the doctor first prior to her release.

You see, my schedule for next week means I don't get a regular day off. I might not make it to work by Wednesday night. I'd be too burned out to go to work after hours of travel to Pampanga. I have to start thinking of excuses now.

In the meantime, this 3 days off that I get will be spent as 3 regular days of a homebody girl. Alex is off to some place, being pushed around by his boss, who always has places to go and I can't understand why. I wonder if his boss is a goddamn businessman that needs to go places? Or it could be that his boss is God, that he needs to take care of every people in the world that's why he's all over the place? I don't get it at all.

I have this entire day off alone. I talked to Alex, he said that he's working so he can give me money to help me pay my bill at the rehab and that somehow made me less mad at him. I will finally feel the use of him being gone for a couple of days. He'll be gone for 3 days, he wouldn't be back till Wednesday and I didn't even bother ask his whereabouts, I don't wanna know. If my hunch is correct that his boss is God, then they're probably off to Africa to take care of the homeless black people there.

His boss is one busy man, who always likes someone to drive him around. Alex is one workaholic guy who values his job more than the people he care about. I think they make a good pair. Besides, his boss is giving him a good amount of money so why would he complain to a job that has no day off? Why would he prefer to be with me if he can be with his boss and earn money?

As long as he lives up to his promise that he'll help me out with the rehab bill, then I won't complain to him being gone while I spend my day off alone. I'm starting to get used to it, you know, having an invisible boyfriend. Though, I'm just here, rooted to the spot where he left me, this is where I'll wait for him to come back for me...if he will ever be back.

Labels: boss, call center, day off, pink crimson, relationships, schedules, work

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 4:11 AM 0 Comments

Dealing with Changes

01-05-2009 Tuesday

The hardest change that I have to deal with lately is Alex. Right now, I really don't know how I can manage my life because it seemed like all the negativities are out there to eat me alive. It's as if it wasn't enough that my mom has gone insane and is threatening to bring hell back at our house, and now it's Alex.

We were okay last New Year, starting over again and everything seemed to mean a happy ending for our relationship. Now, a few days after, he's back to being invisible. A text or two a day, and that's it, I'm barely hearing from him, I don't even have any idea what he's up to. The last thing I heard about him is that he's staying at his boss till the 3rd and it's the 4th yesterday, he did text but I have no idea at all on what's keeping him busy, if he's already staying with his goddamn boss forever, or what, it's hurting me so bad.

I'm tired of feeling like I mean nothing to him. I'm tired of not knowing what he's up to, it's okay if I'm no longer part of his priorities but the worst part is that I don't even know what those fucking priorities are. Does this all sound familiar? Yeah, I remember feeling like this with Mac.

Before, I felt like he loves me more than I do love him but now it's starting to feel like the other way around. What is happening? Did I change? Maybe, a bit, but I love him more as we progress in our relationship. I'm not asking for too much, all I need is to feel loved just like everyone else. All I want is to feel that I'm important to him the way he made me feel before. Where did all of it go?

I can think of many things that has changed in him and it's so upsetting to think about it. I'm trying not to think but whenever I glance at my cellphone, devoid of new messages from him, it's making me sad. I know he doesn't have anyone else, he's not cheating or anything. It's more of priorities, I guess. He has become too focused in making money and kissing his boss' ass that he's forgetting that I need his time as much as his boss does.

Another thing is, he's making money for himself and for the motorcycle, buying stuff for it while I wait for him to treat me, give me something cheap but there's none. That made me feel like he's working for the goddamn motorcycle which is we're gonna sell anyway because I'm tired of having it.

Well, let's see, he doesn't have enough time for me, he doesn't give me anything, he doesn't do anything that'll make me feel special.. I don't know. I'm giving up. I'm losing hope that things are ever gonna work out for us.

Labels: alex, boss, girls, love, pink crimson, relationships, work

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 2:01 AM 0 Comments