Lost Too Soon

07-13-2010 Tuesday

Things that we say while we're mad are usually the words we ended up regretting when we've calmed down. We may try to take them back but the damage has been done. Makes you feel shitty, trust me.

See, I woke up mad because it's past 4 in the afternoon and Alex still wasn't home even though I asked him to come home early because my alarm clock might screw up and I might not wake up on time. I prepared the food on my own, ate, took a bath, got dressed and still, there was no sign of him. To top it all off, it was raining, and I knew even before I left the house that I'm gonna be wet inspite of having a trusty umbrella. The furious rain is one thing, flood is another, and this place in Blumentritt is known to flood easily.

Needless to say, I was enraged when I left the house. There's flood everywhere, and I managed to wet my shoes, along with my socks by the time I hopped on the jeepney. I looked pityful, I was worrying that I might not make it at the office early to render overtime. I badly need the hours, I badly need the additional pay and I felt like Alex didn't care about me, considering he did not even text to let me know that he wouldn't be home in time.

I pulled out my cellphone from my bag and began texting Alex endless hate messages about him not caring about me, not letting me know what his plans were, telling him how bad I feel about the whole thing and so on and so forth, yeah basically I was throwing a mean fit at him.

Halfway to the office, he finally replied, 'Where are you? I lost my job today that's why I couldn't go home early.'

Those words hit me. He must've felt so bad, I've seen how down he was the day before and I know how important his job is to him especially now that both of us needs it badly.

I don't know how to react. There he was, down, burned out, jobless and wet from the rain on his way home, while all I did was bitch on him thru my cellphone. I felt horrible. Looks like I'm not really doing a good job when it comes to being a supportive partner to him.

I replied with a brief sorry and asked if he has eaten dinner. He didn't sound mad after every hate messages that I've sent to him and that made me feel worse. I decided I'll just make it up to him tomorrow when I get home.

In the office, I couldn't help but worry about him losing his job. God, this isn't the right time for that. We've got bills to pay this coming 23rd, I've cooked the last of our rice earlier, we need to buy food on a daily basis, and the list goes on. I can't afford to shoulder all of that especially with the fact that my mother is a useless piece of stone in the house that wouldn't get a job. I count on Alex to help me out.

Is this the right time to pack up and go back home? Heck, I can't do that. I feel like he doesn't deserve to be left behind when he's feeling down and hopeless. I love him this much that if I will leave him eventually, I want him to be in a good state of being.

7:00 PM. I just logged in at work. And all I wanna do is log out, go home, and be with him. Can't wait for tomorrow to come....

Labels: alex, Blumentritt, job, pink crimson, relationships

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 8:12 PM