An Easy Solution

05-17-2010 Monday

Sometimes, the easiest solution is right under our nose, it's just there yet we barely notice it and when we found out about it, it's like wanting to slap your head feeling stupid, thinking why haven't you thought about it. That's exactly what I'm feeling now when the solution to my big problem finally came. The solution came from no one else but me, and it's more of a realization.

I feel tough again, pushing the weakling inside me aside. It's all so simple. We'll live together, we'll be like housemates, we do whatever we want, I'll care less about what he's up to, and be done with the whole thing once this being that's binding us is set free. I have my own plans. All he knows is that I'm simply following his wishes. I'll let him believe that he can control me. Then, I'll break him to pieces.

Well, I won't deny the fact that I still love him and I'm happy to live with him for a few months, but I have to be careful. He has shown me different sides of himself that I'm confused on what to believe in. I can't always rely on my feelings, I also have to use my brain and think smart. He has hurt me enough, I've been through a lot for him and I can't wait 'till it's payback time.

I'm done crying. Finally, I felt that my tears have run dry. I think that when the person you love has hurt you a lot, you start pitying yourself, you feel broken, you cry 'till you ran out of tears, then, when the tears have subsided, you realize it's time to stand up and kick some overbearing ass. I'm on that last part now. I've stood up and brushed off the dust on my knees.

After we talked last night, I told my gramma about it earlier today. She looked sad and hesitant to let me go but she know she had to. This is the easiest way out. When I saw the sadness in her weary eyes, I felt hurt. I know how much she loves me, I know how much she wanted to be the one to take care of me during this ordeal, but we both know, that I need to be away, to escape, and hide.

"It's your decision.." she said, wiping her hands with a hand towel. She just finished washing the dishes.

We were in the kitchen and I can still smell the food she cooked. I suddenly realized how much I'll miss the food she's preparing for me. Which also reminds me, I don't freaking know how to cook,and Alex might not have time to cook, shit..

"It'll only be for a few months..and I'll also visit on weekends while I still can..." I assured her.

"Nah. 3 months? Time flies fast we'll barely notice it.." she tried to sound non-chalant but I can still sense the sadness in her voice. "What about your rent there?"

"We have an agreement. We pay fifty-fifty. We'll have legal papers to sign. He'll be doomed if he don't comply."

She nodded, "Yeah you should do that." she opened the fridge to get a glass of cold water. "Would you bring the TV? Radio?"

I shook my head. "Nope. Just my computer. I'll only bring a few stuff with me."

"Okay.." she emptied the glass in big gulps. I can feel that she wanted to say more but she's stopping herself. There are some instances when words aren't needed, just the mere silence is deafening.

"I guess I better start packing some of my things." I finally said after a few minutes.

She nodded quietly then busied herself in the kitchen.

I busied myself in transferring the clothes that I plan to bring with me in the smaller dura-box. I noticed Damien was staring at me with his almond black eyes as if asking me why I'm going away.

I sighed, "I wish I have another choice.."

I wish I do have another choice...

Labels: alex, Damien, gramma, housemate, moving out, pink crimson, rent

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 3:35 PM