Accepting the Truth

03-02-2010 Tuesday

It doesn't surprise me to find out that my gramma knew about it already. Grandmas have this sort of sixth sense in them that can figure out the things that you weren't telling them. I have a feeling that she'll find out even before I tell her and I wasn't mistake that's why telling her wouldn't be much of a problem for me, I will just keep some details that might hurt her. It has always been like this, it's always easier to tell things to my gramma compared to my mom, because she has always been there, she raised me and I know that aside from myself, she knows me better than anyone else.

When she told me what she already knew, I was silent the whole time, I just let her talk. There's really nothing to say anyway, I mean I can't just tell her that, oh sorry gramma the reason why I was not telling you is because Alex is being such a dickhead, we broke up and I wasn't so sure of him now. She'll be more hurt with that, she cares for me, she trusted Alex and it will be like betrayal if I tell her the whirlwind romance we're having, including the cheating. I plan to keep those things to myself, I'd rather deal with the pain alone. I wanted to work things out with Alex first before I tell her, and as much as possible, I wanted Alex to be there when we tell the truth. Oh well, now that she knows, she simply needs an assurance that Alex will not leave me.

I was still having doubts with Alex throughout the day. I kept on praying for him and crying and remembering the happy memories we've had, before things got too complicated. It's hard but I wanted to keep all this pain to myself. There's no one else to turn to. I kept the pain and I held on to my faith.

I texted Alex, told him that my gramma knew, and I needed him to be with us tonight. My gramma hasn't seen much of him since he started being busy with work and I wanted him to show up, to spend time with us, for my gramma to be assured that he ain't going nowhere. I was nervous because he didn't text the entire day but I went to Quezon Ave. anyway, that's where I told him I'll pick him up so we can go home together. I was praying the entire time I was in the jeepney, hoping he'll show up, hoping he'll love me again, hoping he'll be less cold in his messages and gestures.

I waited for more than 30 minutes in McDo but that's fine with me. He showed up, we ate at McDo, sharing a one-piece chicken meal with extra rice, I don't eat much these days, matter of fact, I barely eat. He was hungry as always, he was in between shoving food into his mouth and feeding me. I was happy, I'm starting to see the Alex I knew coming back to me. I asked him to stay at our house for the night and I'll just wake him up early tomorrow so he wouldn't be late, it took a lot of effort for me to make him say yes, eventually, he agreed.

We we're home at around 9:30 in the evening, my gramma was at the front door waiting for me. I was expecting her to talk to Alex but she didn't. She just acted like the usual, slightly mad but I can feel that she's beginning to accept the truth. Alex was hungry again by the time we reached the house and I let him eat the leftover bacon. After eating, we watched a late night TV show. He was acting like himself again. We were talking like before, laughing and joking.

My doubts have lessen tonight, seeing him act like the Alex I've known before. I was able to check his cellphone again, no weird messages from any girls, his inbox is full of my messages, and I was also thankful that the new pictures on his phone are that of a motorcycle, nothing else. When I told him, I love him, he answered immediately that he loves me, while looking into my eyes. I told him that he's mine, only mine and he answered immediately again that he is, with an abrupt nod and a kiss on my forehead.

This is the new start I've been waiting for. I can feel his love again and the pains are slowly being washed away by it. I love him deeply, one more month and we'll be celebrating our anniversary and I'm loving him more as each day passes by, I don't want anything else getting in the way of our relationship. I'm fighting for it, I'm fighting for him, for us because we're supposed to be together.

Goodnight.

Labels: alex, gramma, love, McDo, pink crimson, quezon ave, Truth

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 8:34 PM