Vday Sux

02-13-2010 Saturday

It's sickening to see those people with that lovesick look on their faces as they hold those long stemmed rose, or that dumb looking teddy bear, while they sweat from head to toe, anxiously waiting for the right moment to give those well prepared gift to their 'special' someone. Ick, sickening like shit.

If there's a grinch that ruined Christmas, there should also be a grinch to ruin a foolish day such as Valentines Day. What's the point in having it? There's too little love on earth now, and too much hate, so why do people pretend to give love for a day, then continue hating afterwards? It makes no darn sense.

Yes, these are sentiments of bitter ol' me, who has seen nothing but madness throughout my life. I've said yesterday that it's better to hate than to love and get hurt in return so that's what I'm starting to do now; I'm hatin'. I'm hatin' all of you. I will start by showing hate towards those people on my Death List (the list that I plan to share with y'all in the near future, *wink err, *scowl..), then I will hate every special day of other people, that includes tomorrows Vday, hmph! Yessssss.. Fueled by hate.

I thought I'm done with it, those days of fury, but I guess it has become a part of me, a shadow of the past that walks beside me. No matter how much I wanted to forget about it, it comes back to haunt me, just like my fears.

Ok, guess what, Alex is calling me right now. The bastard has the nerve to call at this time? Well, it's no wonder he didn't know that I'm at work tonight. He doesn't give a fuck about my schedule, he's not even bothering to ask me if I'm still alive. He sent a message, 'Happy valentines, i love u', hah! That's so him. His messages are like a script out of a movie I've read way too many times. They're always the same, not too many words, as if he's saying those things because he has to, because that's what he's supposed to say. Words like that seemed to have no meaning anymore.

Am I really asking him for too much? His schedule at work is Monday to Saturday 8am to 6pm, his day off is only during Sundays, he's currently on a one month training. I happen to know all of that because I asked him, because I want to know, I need to know as his girlfriend. What about him? When was the last time he asked me about my schedule? He used to surprise me for knowing a lot about my schedule and I remember the way he answered when I asked him why does he bother to remember all of those little things about me, he sheepishly smiled and said, 'That's how it is when you love the person'.

The Alex before is remarkably different than the bastard I am with now. He has a lot of nice words to say, you know, all those sweet flowery words that will make your heart melt... Fuck boys, I think they're all like that in the beginning and after getting your sympathy and trust, bam, they go back to being their usual selves: JERKS.

I'm tired of holding on, of giving chances, and most of all, of waiting for him to be his old self again. I don't know what happened, I don't have any idea why he changed. I'm silly right? I'm redundant and a fucking martyr. I have to let go, I know it, but I keep on making an excuse to hold on because I love him that much.

We see each other once a week, that's fine, I thought it's only for now. I thought that he has plans after he has earned some money. I was hoping he will talk to me about my schedule, so he can work something out, you know, try to see me even during weekdays, have dinner or something after his work, or breakfast before he goes to work. I am greatly disappointed when I asked him if he's happy that we only get to see each other once a week, he coldly said, 'well, what do you want me to do, I have a job now, you know that'. I am expecting more like, 'oh yeah sweetie, when I start saving up some of my salary, we can go out whenever both of us can. What time are you available?' Does anyone of you understand what I'm saying? Girls?? Gotta feel me on this one, girlfriends!

Enough of that, I told myself I wouldn't waste a post for that guy and here I am again, so sorry dudes.

Where was I? Oh yeah, the grinch for Valentines day, that's me. When I get off from work tomorrow, I expect to see more red stuff--hearts, flowers, stuffed toys, happy blushing faces... It'll be too freaking much. All I wanna do later is hop on a bus that'll take me home, eat breakfast, brush my teeth, wash my face, bury myself under my blanket and get some much needed sleep and forget about this whole fucking Vday fever that everyone seemed to have.

What else is next for me? I'm a bitter loveless, loner who wanted to crush the lovebug 'till it's forever gone. Amen.

Labels: alex, grinch, hearts, love, lovebug, lovesick, pink crimson, Valentines Day

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 3:36 PM