Losing More of It

01-18-2010 Monday

I'll be losing more money, I'm starting to accept that fact after we visited my mom in the rehab and I found out that they can't discharge her on the 24th because her doctor did not leave any memo or anything that she can go out by the 24th. Her doctor went to the US to attend some, I don't know doctor stuff maybe. She was temporarily replaced by a substitute doctor whom I was able to talk to and she's the one who told me that she doesn't have the authority to discharge my mom.

During our visit, my mom showed signs of her insanity again when she shouted for me as we were walking past their dorm. She was panicking when she was told by the substitute doctor that they will not release her this Sunday. She was anxious again and I hated the way she's acting. She was telling us that we should've listened to her, that way things don't have to turn out this way. I was controlling myself the whole time, to keep my mouth shut, I was so close to blurting out, "You can't blame us for your insanity, you fucking bitch."

She doesn't look good again and I really really hate her for that. Here I am wasting money for her treatment and all she does is act fucked up again. She kept on thinking about the past, she can't fucking move on and she's such a wimp for letting her sickness eat her alive.

With her staying longer in the rehab, I braced myself for more money wasted. I have no choice but wait for her doctor who's scheduled to be back some time this February. On the other hand, I was partially relieved because that gives me more time also to own the house, and savor the peacefulness of her being gone.

I told my gramma that if I am filthy rich, I don't care paying about Php15,000 a month for her stay in the rehab as long as they can promise us that her fucked up mind will straighten up. If I am rich enough, I will let her stay there for 6 months or even a year, I don't fucking care if she says she's homesick or if she's losing weight there, she needs to sober up and be a real human being who's in touch with reality before she can set foot in our house again.

The sad truth is I ain't rich. The monthly bill for the rehab is my entire month's salary without taxes, so if you deduct the taxes, deduct the bills at home and our daily food, I only have less than 5000 a month to use for her treatment. It's not even half of what it costs. I'm struggling to make money while my mother is being a worthless piece of insane shit. I hate her more for that.

I have to think of ways to earn enough money for her longer stay in the rehab. I'm really gonna need all the help I could get but the problem is, there's really no one to ask for help. I'm in this alone. I don't think God appreciates me now for hating my mom. Sorry dear Lord, can't help it....

Labels: bitch, daughter, mother, pink crimson, Rehab. CLDRC

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 3:16 AM