Shattered
07-30-2010 Friday
In hopes of still keeping some things private, I decided to leave some details out in this post. Read between the lines, if you could.
I got a shocking news about Alex today, which until now, I'm having a hard time believing if I did hear the right thing. All I wanted is to have a peaceful rest day, but I should've known that with this kind of life I have, no day is ever predictable.
Everything was fairly okay, I was able to sleep well while Alex was away trying to make some money. I was not prepared at all for what was about to come. If there ever was a premonition, it doesn't look like that, everything looked as normal as it could be, even when the people who live in the next room asked for Alex's cellphone number, it didn't struck me as odd.
One of the boarders called me while I was fixing the bed. I usually leave the door open so it wasn't hard for them to find me. He told me Lesbo Bitch was calling me upstairs. I was curious on why would she wanna talk to me, we recently paid the rent, so I knew it's not about money, I was simply curious, it didn't occur to me that something is very wrong. There were no warning signs as I walk up the stairs.
Lesbo Bitch sat up on the bed when she saw me peek in her room. She has this weary look on her shitty face but still, I didn't take it as a bad sign, the weary look matches her face just fine.
"Have a seat." she adjusted her fat ass in the bed, and motioned for me to seat on the edge of it.
I did.
"It's about Alex." she said, looking really serious. "I should've told you some of these things before. I guess it slipped my mind. Now that something happened again, I realized I should tell you everything."
She began telling me about the incident that happened while I was gone, and also, some of it, while I was just in the room, asleep. Then, she went on telling me about the things that has happened before when Alex was still staying in the room beside hers. While she was telling me all the censored details about every incident, I felt like my entire world was slowly being shattered. Part of me wondered if she was really referring to MY Alex.
I was half listening to her when she got to the part where she was asking me if I'm really sure about wanting to be with Alex for good. I was thinking if she's telling me all this for me to leave Alex, to go home back to my parents, because that thought is far more acceptable rather than accepting everything she was telling me.
I could feel myself sweating. I waited for the pain to come. Surprisingly, it didn't. I'm guessing it will come after my denial stage. Yes, I am in denial about the whole thing. I find it hard to believe that Alex would do that to me, impossible. I've seen him trying to change himself to be a better person, matter of fact, he's trying his best to get a job for us. I'm sure he wouldn't do those obscenities. He wouldn't hurt me now, would he?
After talking to Lesbo, I went back to our room downstairs. This incident involved the people next room to us. They were in the dining table just outside our room. I couldn't face them. As much as I would like to talk to them, especially the girl who was supposedly violated, I couldn't find the strength to do so. I wanna know the entire story, but I'm not ready yet. The initial heads up was already too much to take. I can only take one pain at a time. Maybe I can talk to her tomorrow.
When Alex came home, I pretended to act like the usual. We had dinner. We had regular talks eventhough I can already feel him being slightly bothered about something.
Before going to sleep, I decided to talk to him seriously, trying to get him to 'fess up.
"Do you have any problem, Love?" I asked, holding his face.
He shook his head no.
"Tell me everything ok? I will understand. I'm here." I said.
He nodded.
"Love, do you love me?"
"Yes. Very much." he replied, kissing the tip of my nose.
"Love, you wouldn't do anything to hurt me, right?" I asked.
"Of course." he said.
I wanted to believe him. But why would these people make up stories like that against him? "You know, I appreciate all your efforts. I can see you're changing back to the Alex that I've fallen in love with a year ago..and I love you more for that. If you have any problems, lemme know ok? I'm always here for you. You promised me you wouldn't hurt me anymore, and I believe you. You wouldn't break a promise right?"
"Yes." he said, hugging me.
"Fine. Good night." I closed my eyes, but I didn't fell asleep immediately. My mind is filled with unwanted thoughts. It's agonizing. I can't wait for tomorrow to come. I have to talk to certain people. I have to listen to everyone involved, maybe with that, I'll get a better understanding on this matter.
I got a shocking news about Alex today, which until now, I'm having a hard time believing if I did hear the right thing. All I wanted is to have a peaceful rest day, but I should've known that with this kind of life I have, no day is ever predictable.
Everything was fairly okay, I was able to sleep well while Alex was away trying to make some money. I was not prepared at all for what was about to come. If there ever was a premonition, it doesn't look like that, everything looked as normal as it could be, even when the people who live in the next room asked for Alex's cellphone number, it didn't struck me as odd.
One of the boarders called me while I was fixing the bed. I usually leave the door open so it wasn't hard for them to find me. He told me Lesbo Bitch was calling me upstairs. I was curious on why would she wanna talk to me, we recently paid the rent, so I knew it's not about money, I was simply curious, it didn't occur to me that something is very wrong. There were no warning signs as I walk up the stairs.
Lesbo Bitch sat up on the bed when she saw me peek in her room. She has this weary look on her shitty face but still, I didn't take it as a bad sign, the weary look matches her face just fine.
"Have a seat." she adjusted her fat ass in the bed, and motioned for me to seat on the edge of it.
I did.
"It's about Alex." she said, looking really serious. "I should've told you some of these things before. I guess it slipped my mind. Now that something happened again, I realized I should tell you everything."
She began telling me about the incident that happened while I was gone, and also, some of it, while I was just in the room, asleep. Then, she went on telling me about the things that has happened before when Alex was still staying in the room beside hers. While she was telling me all the censored details about every incident, I felt like my entire world was slowly being shattered. Part of me wondered if she was really referring to MY Alex.
I was half listening to her when she got to the part where she was asking me if I'm really sure about wanting to be with Alex for good. I was thinking if she's telling me all this for me to leave Alex, to go home back to my parents, because that thought is far more acceptable rather than accepting everything she was telling me.
I could feel myself sweating. I waited for the pain to come. Surprisingly, it didn't. I'm guessing it will come after my denial stage. Yes, I am in denial about the whole thing. I find it hard to believe that Alex would do that to me, impossible. I've seen him trying to change himself to be a better person, matter of fact, he's trying his best to get a job for us. I'm sure he wouldn't do those obscenities. He wouldn't hurt me now, would he?
After talking to Lesbo, I went back to our room downstairs. This incident involved the people next room to us. They were in the dining table just outside our room. I couldn't face them. As much as I would like to talk to them, especially the girl who was supposedly violated, I couldn't find the strength to do so. I wanna know the entire story, but I'm not ready yet. The initial heads up was already too much to take. I can only take one pain at a time. Maybe I can talk to her tomorrow.
When Alex came home, I pretended to act like the usual. We had dinner. We had regular talks eventhough I can already feel him being slightly bothered about something.
Before going to sleep, I decided to talk to him seriously, trying to get him to 'fess up.
"Do you have any problem, Love?" I asked, holding his face.
He shook his head no.
"Tell me everything ok? I will understand. I'm here." I said.
He nodded.
"Love, do you love me?"
"Yes. Very much." he replied, kissing the tip of my nose.
"Love, you wouldn't do anything to hurt me, right?" I asked.
"Of course." he said.
I wanted to believe him. But why would these people make up stories like that against him? "You know, I appreciate all your efforts. I can see you're changing back to the Alex that I've fallen in love with a year ago..and I love you more for that. If you have any problems, lemme know ok? I'm always here for you. You promised me you wouldn't hurt me anymore, and I believe you. You wouldn't break a promise right?"
"Yes." he said, hugging me.
"Fine. Good night." I closed my eyes, but I didn't fell asleep immediately. My mind is filled with unwanted thoughts. It's agonizing. I can't wait for tomorrow to come. I have to talk to certain people. I have to listen to everyone involved, maybe with that, I'll get a better understanding on this matter.
Labels: alex, bitch, lesbo, obscenities, pink crimson, revelation, shattered
posted by Monica-Lynne @ 2:31 AM
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