One Way Out

08-25-2009 Tuesday

It's Tuesday now, I'm losing hope that my mom will go back to her job anytime soon. No message from my aunt, no signs of my mom trying to look for another job, which doesn't surprise me, she'd rather be a homebody again and let us die from starving.

I'm also starting to worry, if this goes on, what's gonna happen to us now? I'm not earning enough to cover all our needs especially now that the rent to our new hole is more expensive than the former house were we got kicked out. I'm worrying about our finances while my beloved mother worries about what's gonna happen to the TV series she's dying to watch every afternoon. I've been the breadwinner of the family for quite sometime now and these are the times when I wanna give up again. I want to elope with Alex, find some place else to live, forget all about my responsibilities and have just my own self to feed everyday.

But of course, I can't just do that. No matter how bad I am as a daughter, I can never leave my gramma behind. I don't really give a damn about my lazy mom, I simply care about my gramma. She's old and I don't want her to work anymore. If I leave them, I'm sure that my gramma will work again to be able to feed themselves. I don't want that. I have to stay with them and be responsible enough to continue being there for what's left of my family.

The only thing I can do now to avoid being pissed with my mom, is to not go home often. I'm still on leave today, I'll go back to work this Thursday and I already talked to Alex that I'm gonna stay to the boarding house again once I go back to work just to sleep during the day, since I go to work at night, he said that wouldn't be a problem. I also added that I won't rely on them for my meal so they don't need to worry about me. I just need a place where I can sleep and take a bath.

Tonight, I almost went to bed when a knock interrupted. Alex came to pick me up so I can stay with him for the night. I thought he's not gonna come and I am glad he did. We had dinner, I showered quickly and we left. My mom is busy watching TV again, so I called out to her that we're gonna go to a gig. She doesn't really give a damn anyway, she'd rather deal with those stupid drama series at night.

Sometimes, I wish she'll just drop dead, god, what's the difference anyway? She's more dead to me than alive.

Labels: alex, daughter, mother, pink crimson, runaway

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 6:56 PM