The Hurdles

08-19-2009 Wednesday

And so my journey for searching a place to stay just began as I start asking around at work. It's not an easy task, I can't just ask them without having to explain why I have to stay with them for awhile. Besides, if I tell them the truth, they might just ask me to stay at home and work things out but heck, I know better.

My choices aren't that many to begin with. I have very few colleagues who rents on their own and has no problem in letting me stay with them, well, based on the people I've asked around, it all boils down to one promising prospect; that is my teammate, Elaine. She lives on her own, rents this nice apartment with two other colleagues (husband and wife and their baby) of ours, whom I'm not really associated with. She said it could be okay, if I don't have a problem dealing with a baby crying every now and then. God, you should know by now that I don't really fancy babies as much as other people does. I lied that it wouldn't be a problem, but I wasn't sure either since I'll also ask my boyfriend first.

Alex dropped me off at the office last night , and I thought the motorcycle was okay and all because we're able to use it already. Well, another shitty hurdle is that the motorcycle just acted up again and this time, it has stopped working. Alex texted me while I'm at work, telling me that he's pushing the motorcycle home. I apologized since there's really nothing I can do to help him, and I apologized for putting him in that situation, Of course, I feel that part of it is my fault. I bought a second hand motorcycle at cheap dirt price and now, this shitty things shouldn't surprise me much.

Alex, being the patient guy he is, said it was okay and that I need to prepare money to get it fixed. I asked how much and I almost vomited when he said around 6000 bucks. I swallowed a thick lump in my throat and simply replied, "okay, I'll see what I can do." He said he'll help me in saving money, okay, it wasn't much of an assurance but I know I can trust his words.

Something is really stopping me from using the motorcycle alone. Why is that? Am I gonna be in a terrible accident that's why fate wouldn't let me use it alone? First, I had a hard time getting a student license. Then, when I was about to get my Non-Pro license, the government offices are closed due to a sudden storm. Then, whenever Alex is about to leave me the motorcycle, the unexpectable happen, like the battery of it dying, the rain, the traffic, anything you can imagine just to keep me from riding it alone. It's a chilling thought but I always shrug it off, I've been wanting this motorcycle, I've been wanting to ride it alone, feel free, feel like I can go anywhere without anyone trying to stop me, feel like I can kick a guy's ass because I'm a girl and gender doesn't really matter as long as you know what you want and you damn well know how to get it. I don't believe in signs and shit like that but still, when I try to think about it, it never fails to give me a chill down my spine.

I also asked Alex if they agreed to let me stay in the boarding house and it wasn't a surprise when he said he haven't had the time yet to ask. I have this feeling that he wouldn't get around to do it. They control him and I think right now, he feels like he couldn't ask anymore favor to them because he already owe them a lot. No surprise, really. A person gives you a house to live in and they own you for life. Yeah, humans can be such big assholes, that's just how it is.

I told him, that's fine he doesn't need to worry, maybe I'll just stay with Elaine, and as I type those words in my cellphone, I glanced at Elaine who's a few seats away from me. She's deep in a call, with her bushy brows furrowed as if thinking so hard or maybe she's just simply pissed with the caller. I sighed 'cause to be honest, I can't imagine myself living with her. We are friends, yes, but we have our differences.

Now, I'm down to none. What now.

Labels: alex, colleague, mother, pink crimson, runaway

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 8:42 PM