Plotting the Escape

08-17-2009 Monday

As I was saying yesterday, I am pissed with my mother for being useless at home and this isn't something new in our mother-daughter relationship filled with drama (Jesus, believe me, you don't want to make me share those stories of my rebel years) so like I also posted, before we get into any fight again, I have to leave the house for awhile.

Alex picked me up at home and we went to SM, even though we don't have anything to do there except window shop because we're both broke, I just want to be anywhere but at home. I asked him if he can help me find a place to stay for a few days, better yet, if he can let me stay at the boarder house where he lives. He said he'll try to ask them and I said I'll also ask some colleagues of mine so he doesn't need to worry that much.

He asked me why I want to leave the house and I gave him a brief summary of what I used to be when my mom still stays at home. I know he's not gonna understand much but that's fine with me, it's not something I usually talk about, matter of fact, it's something I try to keep buried inside as part of the past I don't even wanna remember.

I was never a perfect daughter, but I think that my mom never was the perfect mother anyway. I don't know if it's because of the depression that ruined her before , I don't know if it's because she somehow still feels something for my dad, I don't know what made her the way she is now but one thing is for sure, I don't want to be weak like her, I want to be strong, to be tough and to not make anything take me down. Falling down is inevitable but it doesn't matter how many times we fall, what matters is how many times we stood up. After all that we've been through as a family, I think I just expect my mother to be better than what she is now.

Yes, I am planning to run away again, like before, like I always do. I want to be away from her, that way, if we're apart, I'll feel her more as mother.

Labels: alex, colleague, mother, pink crimson, rebel, SM Fairview

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 8:40 PM