Boring Weekend of a Daughter

08-16-2009 Sunday

It's Sunday again, it's raining and I am officially bored again. I just finished watching another film from the DVD I just bought and I thought I am gonna watch It's Alive, but thanks to the pirated copy, that film turned out to be Buried Alive, a random horror film I haven't heard of before. One thing, you gotta be careful of when buying a pirated copy is to make sure the film is what the title says, my mistake, but heck, at least I had some movies to watch. Well, the title sounded okay and I have nothing to do so I ended up watching it anyway.

The film is not one of those horror films I'm expecting but it was okay, nothing else, just okay. Or maybe I expect to watch some explicit gore film on a Sunday afternoon so that's why this film didn't meet all of my expectations. When I get paid next week, I'm gonna hunt for some good DVD copy of an intensifying gore movie.

Alex has a weekend job so I don't get to see him this day. That's one bummer. Another bummer is that my mom is still at home, jobless again for 2 weeks now and I'm starting to get irritated again. She was sent home for awhile since there's the internet connection was cut off on where she's working and my aunt, who's her boss, don't have the money to pay for the reconnection fee and other bill that needs to be paid. It's not that I don't want my mother here, it's just that if she's home and she's not earning any money, it'll be nice if she does some chores at home right? Besides, that's what mothers are there for, isn't it? Hell, how I wish my mum's like that. Hell no, she's not.

Whenever she's at home, she does nothing but sleep, watch TV, sleep, watch TV, yeah, it's a sickening routine and the thing is, my gramma does all the hard work at home and as much as I would like to help, I can only do little since I lack sleep most of the time and the stress at work is killing me very slowly. I just wish her to be a mother, that's all.

We've had fights about this before and seriously I'm tired of it. She has heard my side before, knows and understand how pissed I feel whenever she's at home and she does nothing but still, nothing changes. She's still the same old, sleepyhead someone whom I can't even call mom. She's more of a mother to me when she's away and she makes money for the family, but a caring mother at home, she isn't.

The fights we've had before are ugly and when I think about those fights, it makes me remember my rebellious side, something I don't wanna go back to. I mean, I'm a changed person. I'm more mature now than I was before. Still, it sucks because I feel like when my mom is at home, she brings out the rebel in me that I've tried hard to bury before. I just don't want my gramma to do all the hard work. I'm here to help but there's only so much that I can do since work is draining almost my entire being.

Before things get ugly again, I'm thinking of leaving home for awhile. This is what I usually do to avoid fights with my mom. I've done this a couple of times before, I thought I'll never have to do it again, but I guess I have to.

There are relationships, family relationships, that works out better when they're apart and in my case,it's like that for the most part. My relationship with my mom is so much better when we're not together, and the rebel years, the tears, hate and so much more in between are marked in my scars which can testify to that.

Labels: alex, daughter, gore films, pink crimson, weekend

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 4:26 AM