The Confession
08-02-2010 Monday
Love is powerful. Love can make you forgive in more ways you can ever imagine. Love can make you stay no matter how much you wanted to just turn around and walk away. Love is powerful.
For some weird reason, the alleged incident which involved Alex and the girl next room to us turned out to be a good thing. Not that I would like this to happen again or I'm thankful that it happened, I'm just surprised to find out that fate can also work with me if it wants to.
What makes it a good thing? Well, first, it made him decide he's willing to go with me wherever I decide to go. Second, I realized I love him so much I want the best for him even if it means we're not gonna be together, which means I'm no longer loving selfishly. And third, the oddest thing is it made the bond between us stronger. How can one bad incident turn into something positive? Do you have any idea what complicated means? Come here, I'll tell you all about it.
I thought he'll never budge. He's firm, he's able to look directly in my eyes when he's answering my questions about the incident. I could no longer hold it back. I have to be blunt, and straight to the point. I beat around the bush a bit, but realized it's useless because he's not gonna confess with that.
I can tell when he's lying about something. Even though he's able to look straight into my eyes, he acts irritated about my repeated questions, he said those people are just making it up, and I kept on asking him and he's getting angrier but I know he's starting to give in. I finalyl told him everything I knew. He looked surprised, telling me such things did not happen.
"If you tell me those things didn't happen then, I believe you. But if I do believe you, and stand up for you, am I not gonna be embarassed in front of these people? They talked to Chairman Warren, he knows all about your records. If I tell him they're only making it up, will he believe me?" I asked him.
He studied my face and didn't say anything.
"Tell me everything. I'm willing to forgive you, that's how much I love you. I have the right to know. These people are thinking about me, that's the only reason why they're not taking you to jail yet. They know about my situation. Love, do you realize that if it wasn't for me, you'd be in jail by now?" I said, holding his face down so he can meet my eyes.
I said the magic words. The gravity of the situation finally hit him. The look on his face told me he's guilty.
"Why, love? Why did you do that?" I started to leak, God, I thought I'm numbed.
He pulled me closer and hugged me tight. "I was drunk.."
"I can forgive you. I was just thinking, what if it's another girl? What if it's some whorish chick and something did happen? Will I still be able to forgive?" I paused, "I guess I will..sheesh.. I can't believe I love you that much." I cried even though I didn't want to.
He rubbed my back and stroked my hair. "Love..."
I pushed myself away from him, "So now tell me, what do you want me to do? What will I tell them? You know I'm a girl, if I was abused like that, I will fight for my right. I will go for doing the right thing, even if it means giving you up."
He looked worried, "You will let them put me to jail?"
I nodded sadly, "If that's the only way for you to learn your lesson, Love..."
His face fell, "Love..." he hugged me again, "I don't want to go to jail..." his voice shook.
I pity him. I never heard him sound so afraid and defeated. I thought he's not afraid of the law? I remember before, when I asked my cousin who's a policeman to talk to him, he said before he's not afraid of anyone, not even police or breaking the law... Now, am I seeing the real him?
"But why... Why did you do that? I thought you're changing to become a better person.. I thought you're starting to love me again.."
For some weird reason, the alleged incident which involved Alex and the girl next room to us turned out to be a good thing. Not that I would like this to happen again or I'm thankful that it happened, I'm just surprised to find out that fate can also work with me if it wants to.
What makes it a good thing? Well, first, it made him decide he's willing to go with me wherever I decide to go. Second, I realized I love him so much I want the best for him even if it means we're not gonna be together, which means I'm no longer loving selfishly. And third, the oddest thing is it made the bond between us stronger. How can one bad incident turn into something positive? Do you have any idea what complicated means? Come here, I'll tell you all about it.
I thought he'll never budge. He's firm, he's able to look directly in my eyes when he's answering my questions about the incident. I could no longer hold it back. I have to be blunt, and straight to the point. I beat around the bush a bit, but realized it's useless because he's not gonna confess with that.
I can tell when he's lying about something. Even though he's able to look straight into my eyes, he acts irritated about my repeated questions, he said those people are just making it up, and I kept on asking him and he's getting angrier but I know he's starting to give in. I finalyl told him everything I knew. He looked surprised, telling me such things did not happen.
"If you tell me those things didn't happen then, I believe you. But if I do believe you, and stand up for you, am I not gonna be embarassed in front of these people? They talked to Chairman Warren, he knows all about your records. If I tell him they're only making it up, will he believe me?" I asked him.
He studied my face and didn't say anything.
"Tell me everything. I'm willing to forgive you, that's how much I love you. I have the right to know. These people are thinking about me, that's the only reason why they're not taking you to jail yet. They know about my situation. Love, do you realize that if it wasn't for me, you'd be in jail by now?" I said, holding his face down so he can meet my eyes.
I said the magic words. The gravity of the situation finally hit him. The look on his face told me he's guilty.
"Why, love? Why did you do that?" I started to leak, God, I thought I'm numbed.
He pulled me closer and hugged me tight. "I was drunk.."
"I can forgive you. I was just thinking, what if it's another girl? What if it's some whorish chick and something did happen? Will I still be able to forgive?" I paused, "I guess I will..sheesh.. I can't believe I love you that much." I cried even though I didn't want to.
He rubbed my back and stroked my hair. "Love..."
I pushed myself away from him, "So now tell me, what do you want me to do? What will I tell them? You know I'm a girl, if I was abused like that, I will fight for my right. I will go for doing the right thing, even if it means giving you up."
He looked worried, "You will let them put me to jail?"
I nodded sadly, "If that's the only way for you to learn your lesson, Love..."
His face fell, "Love..." he hugged me again, "I don't want to go to jail..." his voice shook.
I pity him. I never heard him sound so afraid and defeated. I thought he's not afraid of the law? I remember before, when I asked my cousin who's a policeman to talk to him, he said before he's not afraid of anyone, not even police or breaking the law... Now, am I seeing the real him?
"But why... Why did you do that? I thought you're changing to become a better person.. I thought you're starting to love me again.."
He didn't know what to say at first. His eyes searched my face, as if making sure that I'm serious about letting other people take him to jail. I met his gaze, I didn't blink, I stared at him for a long time until he dropped his gaze.
"Love, I don't want to go to jail.. I'm so sorry. I will change.. I will talk to them to apologize..." he looked as if he's about to cry.
"When do you plan to change? How many times do I have to forgive you?"
"I don't want to go to jail.." he kept on repeating sounding more afraid.
I pity him even more. I held him tight, and stroked his hair. "Alright.. The other option they told me is that we need to leave this place once I've settled everything. I told them I plan to go home anyway, and they asked me about you, and I know you wouldn't wanna go with me so you might stay upstairs just like before. But, they said they wouldn't allow you to stay in this boarding house anymore." I sighed. "It's up to you now. I want you to leave you in a good state of being when I go home."
"No Love.. I will go with you." he said.
I looked up at him, "Are you serious?"
"Yes Love, I will go with you.." he repeated, "If you want, let's leave them today and go home to your gramma.."
I've been praying to hear those words from him, and I almost gave up my hopes that he'll ever consider living with me and my family. But now, he's saying it. Is he for real? All those talks about living in the house I got thru my housing loan, the business of motorcycle spare parts, the happily ever after story of us? So he's really serious about all of that?
"You really serious about this Love?" I asked again.
"Yes." he answered firmly.
I heaved a long sigh. "Okay. I'll figure something out when I go home this weekend. Don't you worry now, okay? We'll get through this together."
I finally saw his face lit up a bit, "Thank you Love. I'm sorry again and..really.. Thank you... I love you so much."
Change of plans. A start of something new. A slight glimpse of hope. Nothing remains the same. Change is always expected. Moving on, moving forward...
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.. 1,2,3,4...
"Love, I don't want to go to jail.. I'm so sorry. I will change.. I will talk to them to apologize..." he looked as if he's about to cry.
"When do you plan to change? How many times do I have to forgive you?"
"I don't want to go to jail.." he kept on repeating sounding more afraid.
I pity him even more. I held him tight, and stroked his hair. "Alright.. The other option they told me is that we need to leave this place once I've settled everything. I told them I plan to go home anyway, and they asked me about you, and I know you wouldn't wanna go with me so you might stay upstairs just like before. But, they said they wouldn't allow you to stay in this boarding house anymore." I sighed. "It's up to you now. I want you to leave you in a good state of being when I go home."
"No Love.. I will go with you." he said.
I looked up at him, "Are you serious?"
"Yes Love, I will go with you.." he repeated, "If you want, let's leave them today and go home to your gramma.."
I've been praying to hear those words from him, and I almost gave up my hopes that he'll ever consider living with me and my family. But now, he's saying it. Is he for real? All those talks about living in the house I got thru my housing loan, the business of motorcycle spare parts, the happily ever after story of us? So he's really serious about all of that?
"You really serious about this Love?" I asked again.
"Yes." he answered firmly.
I heaved a long sigh. "Okay. I'll figure something out when I go home this weekend. Don't you worry now, okay? We'll get through this together."
I finally saw his face lit up a bit, "Thank you Love. I'm sorry again and..really.. Thank you... I love you so much."
Change of plans. A start of something new. A slight glimpse of hope. Nothing remains the same. Change is always expected. Moving on, moving forward...
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.. 1,2,3,4...
Labels: alex, confession, incident, jail, obscenities, pink crimson, relationships
posted by Monica-Lynne @ 2:53 AM
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