Unexpected Words

07-26-2010 Monday

Do you trust a drunk person's words? I've often heard that when a person is drunk, they would usually tell the truth, the things they couldn't say when they are sober. Being drunk gives them this kind of courage to let it all out, and in the morning, after the headache has been washed away, they either deny they said such things or they deny telling that much.

Like what happened to Alex last night. They had another drinking session with the guys from our neighborhood. I let him drink all he want, it's better than letting him drive to Macapagal to watch a scheduled race, according to a text from his friend who invited him.

I was glad that he asked for my permission if I'll allow him to watch the race. I said no, and when his friend called him, I was looking at him as he talked to his friend about me not letting him go. I felt good hearing him admit to his friend that he's not going because I won't let him and he did not sound embarrassed about it at all.

The guys from our neighborhood wanted to get a goodnight's sleep after an entire day of hard work, and what better way to lull them to sleep? Two words: Drink beer. I don't know why does it work that way for guys. When I was an active alcoholic before, I drink beer when I wanna party like crazy all night long, it doesn't work for me trying to sleep in the evening, unless I've only had an hour or two of sleep, then I would fall asleep drunk but that rarely happens before.

Anyway, they ordered a couple bottles of beer, arranged their seats, and started talking about different things, some make sense, while most don't. Well, they're just being boys, in my opinion.

I stayed outside, listening to their conversations until I become sleepy. When I realized my eyes were already closing by themselves, I stood up, told Alex not to stay up late, and headed to our room to get some sleep.

I thought I was dreaming when I felt him lie down beside me.

"Love love love love love??" he whispered softly against my ear.

I didn't bother opening my eyes, I mumbled indistinctly in reply.

"Love love love love love??" he repeated, chanting.

"Whut?..."

"My wife is so pretty, pretty. Do you know I love you so much even if you always pick a fight wit' me?" he said, combing his hands through my now short hair.

I thought I'm not hearing things right. I may be half asleep and half awake at that time so I can't really trust my judgment. I didn't say anything, I stayed mum and listened.

"Do you love me, love love love?" he asked, his voice soft and warm.

"Mmm-hmm.." I mumbled my 'yes'.

"I love you so so so much, love love love. You do know it, right? Don't leave me please... You're my life, you're my pretty pretty wife. I love you." the sincerity in his voice was evident and I can tell it even without looking directly into his eyes.

I don't know what to say. I was awakened by his words. I wanted to turn around, to face him and confirm if he really mean everything he's saying. After all that I've been through with him, will I believe him now? I thought the Alex that has loved me like that before is long gone? Does that mean he's resurfacing?

It makes me wonder, if he's the same heartless Alex who has showed me he can live without me and confessed that he loves me less today than he did yesterday? Does this mean that I'm able to accomplish my goal of making him fall for me again during these times we're spending living together?

I told myself I still shouldn't keep my hopes up. If I fail, if we don't end up together, if my religion is still something he would deject and avoid like a plague, then it's no use hoping for a happy ending. I'll be hurt even more if things don't work out. I've stopped hoping a long time ago.

Maybe he's just drunk. Maybe in the morning he wouldn't remember a thing. Whatever. I don't wanna count on it. I've learned to hold back to avoid getting hurt. Tough, but it sometimes works.

I stayed quiet, waiting for him to say something else. After a few minutes, I heard him snoring like a pig. I went back to sleep. Maybe I'll get a better answer if I talk to him after his hangover. We'll see about that...

Labels: alcohol, alex, drunk, intoxicated, love, pink crimson, relationships

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 4:30 AM