Setting Expectations

07-22-2010 Thursday

This is getting boring, I know.. Shall I go on?

See the thing is, I want to talk about different stuff, believe me. I could talk about the weather today, the calls I'm getting at work, the hot new billboard of Miss Famous someone in Edsa or whatever but it wouldn't make any sense because it doesn't concern my status in life. I created this blog to reflect my life, to rant, rave, say anything I wanna say or simply share what I feel like sharing and I'm sorry if the things I'm sharing seems to go on and on without any formal closures so I wouldn't be surprised if most of you don't have a better understanding of what's going on. Maybe it's also because of the things I'm holding back, the things I prefer to keep private. Again, I apologize.

When I look back on my previous posts, I see similarities, redundancy...it's all about this *situation which is vague in every post, it's about Alex and me, it's about me debating against myself, my hate for my mom... These things are getting old. It's like a hot discussion before but now, it's getting kinda lame.

The weird thing is, no matter how lame it is, I continue talking about it. Am I confusing you already? Hold on, 'cause it gets worse... This topic is like a useless drug that I kept on overdosing myself with.

I might be asking the same questions over and over. I may sound like I'm going in circles with this. Well, to tell y'all honestly, tis' the truth, nothing else but the goddamn truth.

Now that I've set proper expectations, lemme go back to my boring topic, which is always about the same thing... Ready? Take a deep breath..and here we go:

'I'm sorry I couldn't make it home early.. I've been out all day, trying to find something that'll help me earn money. I don't want it like this, I don't wanna ask things from you. I know most of the time, you also don't have enough for yourself. Besides, we both need the money. Love, mahal na mahal po kita...' the long text message from Alex lowered down my blood pressure.

Before going to work, I was mad at him for not coming home early even though he promised he'll be back in time to drive me to church. I decided not to text him or say anything bad to him. I'll just do my thing here at work, then go home to my gramma tomorrow with no intentions of telling him about it.

But, that text. One long message from him woke me up and suddenly, I'm not mad at all. I never thought he actually thinks that way now. That's my dear old Alex. The one I fell in love with 1 year and 3 months ago. I barely recognized him. I think I've gotten used to the heartless Alex that he has become.

I replied with, 'That's fine, I'm not mad. I appreciate your effort. Thank you, love. Have you eaten dinner? Sleep early ok? I'll come home to gramma tomorrow but I'll be back the day after so we can celebrate your birthday...'

'Yep. Thank you din po love sayo..' I read his reply once. Then, read it again. What's he thanking me for? It doesn't sound like he's thanking me for understanding his situation neither does it sound like he's thanking me for the new bath soap I bought for us earlier today. So, really, what is that about?

I ignored it and just replied with 'Ok, I love you, good night.' but even after a few minutes of putting my cellphone back in my pocket, I'm still thinking what he really meant to say.

I wanna believe that he's changing back to the Alex I've known before but I don't want to keep my hopes up. If he's not gonna consider my religion, then, there's no hope of us ending up together for good no matter how perfect things seem to be right now, which is a complete disappointment.

After his birthday, I need to have the serious talk with him. It can no longer wait. We need to figure out things before everything gets more complicated than what I can handle.

Labels: alex, birthday, blogging, long post, pink crimson, relationships, topic

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 8:31 PM