Family Ties

05-22-2010 Saturday

I don't plan on moving out till the 25th, the day when Alex gets paid, that's why I was surprised when Alex texted me tonight to tell me that we need to move out tomorrow, that he'll swing by to pick me up in the afternoon.

"Why?" I replied.

"There's a lot of people here looking for a room, and they're eyeing that room, I wanted to save that for us." was his reply.

I'm watching a late night TV show, while my mom and gramma are asleep in the floor and the top bunk respectively. I sighed, I wanted to tell my gramma about it but she's already sleeping. "Ok," I typed, "But you pay me half of the rent when you get paid on the 25th, otherwise, I'll cut your ball in half." I mean it, he has to pay me first before anything else comes up, like his monthly installment for his motorcycle.

"I will pay you." was his short response.

Good. Then I thought about it, "What about the stove? I haven't bought one yet, how will I eat? Do we need a TV? Or radio??"

"Relax, don't worry too much. I'll take care of it, the most important thing is getting that room for us, ok? Now get some rest." he's being too carefree. Humph.

"Alrighty. Goodnight. Aren't you gonna say something else?"

"I love you, goodnight." was his last message for the night and I smiled to myself as I placed my cellphone under my pillow.

I stared on the TV, another boring TV commercial for a fast food chain is being shown and I paid no attention to it. My mind is wandering, at the same time, I'm also surprised that I don't feel so excited about it. I'm actually sad, because I will miss my gramma, Damien and my cats and I know that when I tell my gramma about it tomorrow, she'll be sad as well. She hates to let me go but we both know that I have to.

Instead of thinking about the big move, I'm thinking of when I can visit here. I'll be on leave this Tuesday and Wednesday so I'll probably go here. Or what about Saturday? So I can give them money since that's payday.

I stood up and turned the TV off, then I went back to bed, and faced the window, hugging my pillow tight. I heard Damien sneeze and groan before going back to sleep. Damien; I'll miss him as well. I started to cry. I don't even know why. I have Alex already, I have him to where he can't run away from his responsibility, but I'm not that happy anymore. I love being here, at home, with my gramma. If my mom is not here, I would probably take everyone with me--gramma,Damien and my cats.

I want my mom to start working again while I'm away. I want my gramma to stop worrying about me. When my mom starts working, I know she'll worry less because I don't have to be pressured in working too hard to be able to give them money. The more I think about it, the more I become upset with my mother.

When she got out of the rehab, she gave me a letter, saying how much she loves me and she even promised that she'll only rest for a couple of days then, she'll get back to working. A couple of days? I wanna crumple that letter to her face because it has been two fucking months now and her lazyass is still lying around in the house. I'm sorry, I tried to love her again but I can't find that feeling anymore.

I cried silently. I love my gramma. I love being her granddaughter. I never wanted to live with anyone else right now. I wanted to be here, kick my mom out, and live happily ever after with the little family I plan to have. With or without Alex around, I think I can make it. My gramma's love for me is more than enough.

I don't want a family of my own. I want what I have now minus my mother, or well yeah, I can include her as long as she finds a job and be a mother to me again. Things are getting complicated again and I'm the only one to blame. Damn..

Labels: alex, complicated, family, mother, moving out, pink crimson, rent

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 4:52 PM