Letter to My Beloved

04-13-2010 Tuesday

'I love you', the more I say it to you, please remember that it meant something deeper than the last time I've said it. I'm sorry I can't help loving you too much. You're like a drug that I'm addicted to, a pill to cure my insanity and I hold on to you for a life support.

I look back at my life, a year before today and I barely remember what I was like before you came into my life. It's like the 'me' before being 'with you' never even existed in this lifetime. You used to tell me before that I changed you, but little did you know that you did the same thing for me. You changed me in ways I could never imagine possible.

For one, I never get serious about anything or anyone, and if I do, it didn't last long. I try too hard to look for perfection and when I see some minor faults, I dump them, move on to another relationship and the cycle starts over. I thought I knew how to love, I thought it was them who don't appreciate me, I was wrong, I was just someone who's hard to please and has a heart of stone.

My so-called love before was selfish and impatient. I was also like that with you when we were just starting out but with your never ending patience with me, you eventually taught me how to be selfless, to think of others, and to be more patient in waiting for the things that I wanted to get or achieve. I loved you more for that.

The road we took wasn't easy, it has been a hell of a bumpy ride and I must admit, I've dealt with a lot of emotions throughout the course of our relationship. Emotions that I never thought I could feel in a million years. I don't feel like myself at all but at the same time, I feel like I'm actually just starting to get to know myself better because of you.

Love love, I know I've never been the most perfect girl that you deserve to have and I know that most of our arguments are results of my narrow-mindedness. I remember those times when I was careless with my words, it didn't really sink in to me then that I was hurting you already. For that, I am so sorry.

During one of the worst fights we've had when I broke up with you, you've told me that you loved me less compared before and I was hurt but seriously, I can't really blame you. You've always been the mature one, you always forgive my mistakes, you ignore the hurtful words I've said. Again, I am so sorry.

I'm trying to change, for real. If I need to be better to be more deserving for you, I will. This is the kind of love that's meant to be kept. This is the kind of love that comes once in a lifetime [insert: Imagine Love of a Lifetime by Firehouse playing on this part, yeah let's be disgustingly cheesy..] and I know that if I let it go, it might not come back again.

This is the kind of love most people dream about...and it's mine to keep.

Labels: alex, love, love of a lifetime, lovesick, pink crimson, relationships

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 6:43 PM