Feels Like Single

12-11-2009 Thursday

As a girl, I wanna be cherished, feel like I mean the world to someone and feel that I am so damn important that my someone wouldn't wanna do things without me. Yes, believe it or not, I'm still a girl inside, an undeniably hopeless romantic wanting to feel loved.

Ok, if these words make you wanna throw up then you're free to leave this webpage and surf that in demand Facebook instead. I always say that this blog is not for everybody and I don't really give a fuck to what others think about the things that I've written here so I want to save somebody's time as much as I could.

Lately I haven't heard much from Alex and I'm not really liking it, heck it's downright pissing me off. He would send a message, telling me that he's sorry he's not able to text, he has no money, all the same old blah that I am seriously tired of hearing. Then, I wouldn't hear from him again for ages. It's so upsetting because I'm expecting him to be there like what he used to say when he's still trying to steal me away from my then boyfriend, Mac. Did he really mean those words before or did he just say it for me to choose him over Mac? Whenever we would have a fight, I always tell to his face that he's not what he used to be then he would say that it was actually me who has changed. Damn him.

Is it really me? I know I'm a psycho but I sure know how to appreciate him and our relationship. I maybe busy with work but I find time to be with him. I always text him about how much I miss him, how much I love him and how much I wanted to be with him while his texts are generic 'I miss you, I love you' and nothing else. It seemed like anyone can send that message without meaning it, you know what I'm saying? Unlike before when we were friends, he would always say how much he wanted to see me, or how beautiful are my eyes, sweet stuff like that. Little things that simply meant small butterflies to the stomach but now that he's not like that anymore, it's all starting to matter so much to me.

Now I feel like I'm single again. I go to work alone, I go home alone, no new message on my cell, nothing. He hasn't given me any chocolates or a bunch of flowers or even a freaking cheap teddy bear will do but there's none and it's not like I'm expecting things like that...still, I'm a girl, I want to feel like one.

Somehow, I knew that if we don't have a motorcycle, he would not exert much effort to see me. I even doubt if he'll try to be with me as often as possible. Now that the motorcycle is acting fucked up again, I am able to confirm that thought. He 's nowhere to be found and I can feel that I can leave this country for good and he wouldn't even know or maybe, wouldn't even care. I can go anywhere far and he wouldn't even try to find me because he doesn't have the goddamn money. Alright, he doesn't have a job so he doesn't have money, so I send him load and sure he would text two, three or four if I'm lucky then he's back to being invisible.

I'm really mad at him for treating me like this. This is the worst time of my life and he's being a total ass. I hate being taken for granted. One more wrong move from him and he's totally out. I've done this 'dumping' thing before and I can very damn well do it again.

Labels: alex, girls, love, mac, pink crimson, relationships

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 5:55 PM