All Around Me

12-18-2009 Friday

There's something about this time of the year that makes me wonder why is it that everyone seemed to be so in love with someone? Is it the jingling bells of the coming holiday season? Is it the perfect time of the year to love one another? I can't really tell but it saddens me to think that everyone seems to be happy to have their special someone beside them.

I see couples everywhere. When I ride the jeepney, I see couples holding hands, having a conversation as they stare into each other's eyes, obviously hypnotized and bitten by the love bug. When I walk in the streets, I see couple walking together, arms locked in each other, their bodies very near to keep warm against the cold weather. I stare into those couples for a moment, then I look away, feeling a slight twinge of bitterness inside me. Everyone so damn in love but me.

Love. It's a wonderful feeling especially at this time of the month. Everyone feels it except for me. I'm the cold cold heartless person who hugs myself, tells myself that I'm happy alone, and forces myself to believe in it. I'm really cursed to be gloomy every December. It started last year and now it's back again.

I feel so alone and I hold on to the very few things that matter to me so that I can get through this loneliness. The worst thing is, one of the most important person to me that I hold on to, seems to be so far away now. Alex, seemed so far. He hasn't made any effort to see me and it hurts to think that he seemed to be happy without me. I busied myself with work, I was able to reach my goals at work, salary is good, my stats are going up. I laugh with my colleagues but when I go home, I'm back to being alone and empty as if my achievements at work are not enough to make me feel whole inside. Something is still missing.

Everyone around me seemed jolly while I may look like I'm as jolly as them but truth is, pieces of myself are starting to fall apart, and I tried holding on but now, it feels like I've ran out of strength to keep on trying.

Labels: alex, happy, holiday, jolly, love, pink crimson

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 2:57 PM