Endings
11-30-2009 Monday
The month ends today. Then, it'll be December. Then, before we know it, it's a new year again. How time flies and yet I still feel the same. Ever since I found out about my mom's illness, which is something that I plan to keep private, it seemed like my world has frozen to a tormenting stop. Nothing moves. Nothing changes. I remain the same.
Silence. Painful silence. I'm at the point where I want to move forward but a lot of things are holding me back. People. Consequences. Choices, lots of choices. If I choose to die, then I wouldn't live to see how this tricky charade will end. It seemed easier to die now. Here, in the middle of all things wrong.
But then again, if I die, what will happen to the little things that I value most? Am I willing to give up just like that? No. I can't. I won't.
The world continues to spin under my feet but these stupid feet won't move with it. I'm stuck, drowned by the fast moving blur of colors around me. Then, there's darkness again. Pitch black, as if all the colors are drained except for one. Then, there's me. I call darkness a good friend and I say hello to endings.
The End.Labels: december, endings, november, pain, pink crimson, The End
The Company Of Friends
11-26-2009 Thursday
I'm back at work. I'm back to being
Monica Lynne.
For a second, before walking inside the doors that will take me back to the office, I had a worried feeling that I might not be able to take in calls again like what I used to. I fear that the fire might've faded away. I ignored that fear, I'm already there so there's no going back, I have to put my foot forward and get moving.
The moment I saw the warm, smiling faces of my team mates, I knew that I've gone back home, my second home. I was welcomed happily and everyone kept on asking how am I, how's my mom, and even though mentioning my mom usually makes me uneasy, with them, I felt just fine.
I took in calls again and was blessed with a very good first call that was a sale. Today's Thanksgiving in the US so we're receiving a very low volume of calls. With that being said, we spent the shift talking, joking and laughing around. It felt good to laugh. I can't remember the last time I laughed that hard before today.
I have an amazing family at work and I'm thankful for that. They're one of the reasons why I can't find enough reasons to resign and give up. I can't give up and because of these people, I know that I'll always have the strength to go on and do an excellent job at work.
I love these people. These people who works hard for their family. These people who has always been there through good times and even the worse times. These people are amazing and if the time will come that we all have to part ways, I'll still be thankful for each and everyone of them who made my life at work worthwhile.
Labels: call center, colleague, friends, pink crimson, team, work
Pieces
11-24-2009 Tuesday
One of the things that I will remember clearly is the image of her being taken away from us. She was escorted by a fat Chinese looking guy and I was frozen in the entrance of the huge building, not making any move, afraid that if I show even the littlest amount of weakness, I might also be taken along with her to what they call 'dorms' but I knew better. I glanced at my gramma beside me, and I know that her pain is greater than anyone else's pain at that moment.
I never thought that the time will come that I will find myself in this place. It's not a bad place, though. The surrounding is quiet, peaceful and inviting. Unless you really know the kinds of people are being thrown in this place, then you'll be fine to roam around without feeling uneasy whenever someone dressed in all white from head to toe would bump into you.
We have to leave my mother in this place without any formal goodbyes, hugs or kisses because if we'll do that, then it will be so much harder to let her go. My gramma and I had to hold on to each other for support as we fought back tears as the very last piece of her was eaten by the darkness. There was silence and she was gone.
There was darkness. The steady blowing of the wind. The blinking Christmas lights on the garden in front of us that says 'Happy Holidays'. Happy? That dark early morning, I've completely forgotten what it's like to be happy.
A couple of minutes after she was gone, we finally managed to gather our remaining strangth to walk away from that place and go home. On the ride back home, I kept on looking back at my gramma who sat behind me on the van. She gave me a weary look and I understood. We're on the brink of giving up. I can feel the thin thread of hope that I'm holding on. I'm afraid that if the thread breaks, then I'll have a breakdown, we'll all be dead and there's nothing else. Nothing but pieces of shattered hope.
Back at home, the memory of the darkest night is still evident. Our things are scattered everywhere. The dent on the wall that my mother kicked hard is still there. The broken cellphone is still lying on the floor. The clothes are piled up in the bed. Mess. Disorganized. Broken pieces of the has been.
I started cleaning up the mess. I started picking up the pieces of what was left to us. There's not much to pick up anyway. A lot of parts are still missing. Where do I go from here?
Labels: hope, mother, pink crimson, Rehab. CLDRC
Fragments of Unwanted Memories
11-23-2009 Monday
If only I could put the words together in one coherent paragraph that will accurately define what I've been through for the past 4 days,the longest 4 days of my life, then I'd feel better to have these heavy thoughts released. Unfortunately, I still can't think of the right things to say. I've ran out of words. I've ran out of feelings to share. All I have right now are fragments of memories, vivid images that I wanted erased from my mind.
These are the things I wanted to share for now. These are disturbing pieces of what was left...
*I knew something was very wrong. The piercing gaze in her lifeless eyes, the repetition of nonsense words, the forgetfulness.. Matter of fact, everything was wrong. She's not who she used to be. My mother has become something else.
*I thought things wouldn't get worse. I was wrong. Psychotic, paranoid.. The endless noise, shouts, screams. The world continues to spin but I feel like everything's in standby, no movement, I'm stuck in a nightmare and I can't crawl back to an open space. I was drowning in an abyss.
--2nd day. My knees are weak. I have no sleep at all. I can't eat anything. I'm slowly dying inside. Slowly, painfully, while I listen to the screams of the woman that used to be my mother.
-
-"I'm so sorry for the trouble." and "Please help us."- My two most used sentences in the longest days of my life.
**I'm looking for comfort. I have my grandmother but I can see her falling to pieces as well. It must be painful to be her, I thought to myself. She's seeing her only daughter lose in touch with reality.
**I'm still looking for comfort. I hate Alex for choosing his work over me. Maybe money means a lot more than I do. Or maybe he doesn't wanna deal with someone who has a crazed woman for a mother.
--I need a hug. A long, warm, comforting hug. Damien, my loyal dog, gave it to me.
*The last day was the darkest. Shouting in the street, throwing a bottle of Gatorade at the gates of our church. The sound of broken glasses reverberated in my ears and I know that the sound of it will always mean a disturbance from then on.
--I can't take it anymore, I cursed her out loud, grabbed her hair and pulled hard. She screamed. I let the people around us handcuffed her. I cursed her again, louder, harder. I pulled her hair, kept on pulling until I realized I'm already releasing all the anger I have towards her. The blogs I've written, all the hate letters...On that last day of darkness, I hurted my own mother physically.
*Everything was madness, I'm surprised I'm still alive while writing this...There's more to come.
Labels: daughter, disturbance, hardship, mother, pain, pink crimson
The Beautiful People
11-19-2009 Thursday
Right now, I've ran out of things to write about. There's nothing to complain about for now, no tantrums for me today, thank God. It's just the boring me on an ordinary Thursday morning. I don't want to bore anyone with this day so I figured I'll just post my top random beautiful girls. I realized that I've been obsessed with some chicks for awhile now and I wanted to share my obsession to y'all. Don't be surprised if someday I'll end up being a lesbo, ohh well, as long as I have Alex, I'm still a girl. :)
(Park Bom 2NE1, she's undergone surgery.. Yeah why not?! She's still hot..)
(Taylor Swift, she's blonde got blue eyes she ain't POP! Goodie!)
(Kristin Kreuk, arresting smile on an innocent face..)
(Eliza Dushku, Tru Calling hottie..)
(Avril Lavigne, Yey she's part of Hollywood now after the divorce..)
(Dakota Fanning, whew she's growing up really fast!)
(AJ Cook, pretty pretty!)
(Maria Ozawa, I don't care if she's a porn star, she's beautiful.)I've got more to add but that's all I have for now...
Labels: alex, beautiful people, hollywood, pink crimson
The Divorce Thing
11-18-2009 Wednesday
I'm supposed to post an entry about the famous chicks that I totally dig when I came across Avril Lavigne's website while I was searching for the best recent photo of her to add to my post. A recent post in her website caught my attention, it says:
Moving forward on a positive note
Posted September 17th, 2009 by avriladmin Deryck and I have been together for 6 and a half years. We have been friends since I was 17, started dating when I was 19, and married when I was 21. I am grateful for our time together, and I am grateful and blessed for our remaining friendship. I admire Deryck and have a great amount of respect for him. He is the most amazing person I know and I love him with all my heart. Deryck and I are separating and moving forward on a positive note.
Thank you to all my family, friends and fans for all your support.
Avril
source: http://www.avrillavigne.com/homeLike, for real for real?? Deryck and Avril are splitting up? Not that I care now but before I used to be a die hard Avril fan when I was a budding teenager skater wannabe and the last thing I heard from her was she's really in love with that Sum 41 guy. I've watched interviews of her, raving about how she was like when she met Deryck, how she knew that he's the one and so on and so forth. Whatever happened to all of that?
One source says that Avril got married young and she's finally realizing that. That's a good point. It was written that she got married when she was 21, which is my age now and right now, at this age, I don't see myself settling down even though I feel like it'll be Alex. Sometimes I think about it but when I think about the things that I want to do, to achieve, to provide to my family, I want to take the time that I have before considering marriage.
With regards to Avril-Deryck, it's not that I really give a shit about it, I mean, it's their life and I no longer listen to Avril even though I still love seeing her face everywhere. It's more of disappointment because I seriously thought that they're love story is different than those hollywood stars whose hobby is to get married, get divorced, find a new lover and the cycle continues. Seeing them before will make you think that they're the perfect pair who will never separate, ever. Well, I guess, everyone gets married to get divorced, find a new lover, get married and the cycle repeats over and over.
The reason why I'm talking about this divorce thing is because it makes me scared to ever get married someday. Do love fade away just like that? Is it really possible to fall for someone so deep that you get married but es time goes by, that love simply vanishes? If that's the case, then I'd rather be an old woman living single and alone for the rest of my life.
That's what I hate about US and hollywood. Divorce is legal that everything can be taken care of by the local government. Why allow it anyway? When people get married, they're in their right minds aren't they? It's not something that you do now then after a couple of years you decide that you want to be over with it and move on alone, that's so fucking crazy. Divorce should not even be legal anywhere. Especially if the couple has kids already, imagine what divorce can do to those kids. I know how that feels, my parents got separated when I was young and it sucks to deal with custody shit, having to choose who to live with, fighting for your right to be known by your other parent, all of that is fucking insane and traumatic for someone who's too young to even understand why her parents are separating in the first place.
It's sad to see two people who used to be so in love with each other part ways and it makes me think twice about love. I know that now I love Alex but seeing other people go through those things at their age, I think I'll enjoy being young and when the time is right, I know that everything will just fall into place.
As for Avril, hey yeah girl that's hollywood you likin' it? Enjoy being single again. I am turned off a bit but you're still on my list, pretty girl. Divorce sucks. Hollywood stinks. Artists are retards. Where do we go from here?
Labels: alex, Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley divorce, Divorce, hollywood, love, pink crimson
Remembering the Dearly Beloved
11-17-2009 Tuesday
It's just now that I'm able to get my hands on a copy of Pasugo limited edition that features everything about the late Ka Erdy, including the wake and interment that happened during the first week of September. As I leaf through every page, the life of Ka Erdy slowly unfolds again and I remember every important details that he has done for the Church to make it what it is today.
I am also able to read about the wake and the photos included in the story are as heartbreaking as the words itself. I'm reminded of what I felt when I was there, at the Central temple as part of the mourning crowd, waiting to get a final glimpse of Ka Erdy. It has only been like 2 months now since that tragic day happened but as I read the feature, the pain began to resurface again as if it all just happened yesterday.
The pictures of grieving brethrens, the long line to the Central temple, Ka Erdy's casket, the worship services in the temple, everything was captured in still motion. I am brought back to that day, I can almost see myself standing in front of the temple, crying along with everyone else. With that, I realized that the grieving is not over yet, the pain is still within us, just hidden somewhere behind our unconcious minds and one memory of that event can trigger that pain anytime.
We will never get over the loss of a beloved leader,brother, and father. It may seem like we're doing fine with our duties in the Church and we are, but still, there are moments like these, when we are reminded of what we've lost, that we let the pain linger around a little longer hoping that someday we'll eventually ran out of tears to cry. But I think, that day will never come, not in this life though.
I continue to live each day as a member of INC, I attend worship services, I am a believer, I have faith and impossible as it may be to believe for some who has known me to be a difficult cookie to deal with, I am trying to walk on the right path these days. I don't want to disappoint him in any way. I want to be there, someday, when the time comes that all of us will see each other again in the promised land. It's simply Goodbye, for now.
Labels: death, INC, Ka Erdie, loss, Pasugo, pink crimson
Another Winner
11-16-2009 Monday
I never thought that
Final Destination is one hell of a film. Well, except for the first one. I've watched the very first Final Destination and I was not impressed at all. Maybe it's because this very first installment of the film didn't show much suspense until after half an hour of watching it. Meanwhile, the 2nd to 4th Final Destination is suspenseful from the very first few minutes up to the very last.
I watched
Final Destination 4 a few days ago and I liked it that's why I thought I'd give FD 2 and FD 3 a try since I still have the DVD copy of it on one of my 15 in 1 DVD that's stashed under the computer table. I never thought I'd actually like both. In conclusion, it's really just the first one that I didn't like at all. With that being said, this three films will be on my list from now on. Not my gore list, of course since there's not much gore here, uhh that's in my opinion but I know to some this is as gruesome as they could get.
(A.J Cook is here! sweet!)
Labels: Final Destination, Final Destination 4, horror film, pink crimson, suspense
What's New?
11-15-2009 Sunday
And so Pacquiao wins again? Yeah, nothing new with that. Of course, I'm proud. I only hope that this wouldn't mean more 'Dionisia' populating the TV screens. Please. Let the fame be to her son and to her son alone. She's too old, she doesn't have any talent at all and forgive me, ugly, to even be on TV. God, what is happening to the TV industry today? Are they all fucked up?
Hell, anyway, I'm too tired and sleepy to keep on bashing about that old, wrinkled somebody so I will get some sleep now. I hope that when I wake up to turn the TV on, Dionisia is not the first person that I will see on a commercial. Ugh, horrifying thought. Hey, bye...
Labels: dionisia, old, pacquiao, pacquiao vs cotto, pink crimson, Ugly
A Fast Paced Life
11-13-2009 Friday
I live a fast paced life. Fast paced yet boring. What could be more boring than waking up at night to work, instead of going out for some rave party? What could be more irritating than dealing with stupid Americans who always say 'I've been with your company for sooo long' just to get a free cell-fucking-phone? What could be more draining than hard to reach goals and answering calls for 11 hours 4 days a week? I ain't talking about hell yet, I'm talking about my life at work.
As hard as it is everyday, I have no valid reason to quit. I'm sorry folks if you're all too tired to listen to my call center woes but I'm not done yet. This is just my way of releasing all the stress and hopefully, this will also help me keep my sanity intact. I hope that whoever is reading this is not one of those cynicals who kept on insisting that call center is such an easy job. Well, I've been at it for more than two years and you know what, I have a thousand words to use to describe this job and none of them consists the word or is synonymous to the word 'easy'.
It's not as easy as to what most people think. We live in the fast lane and things went by us in a blur. Things happen before we can even grasp them. Events are marked in our calendars but for some unknown reason, we still forget birthdays, anniversaries, deadlines, etc. We don't have time for ourselves, we get sick easily,and we're walking zombies at night. We have a lot of money but our pockets are still empty a day or two after payday. The world spins and we spin with it, we are pulled, pushed and we see random things, broken pieces of dreams that takes a while to form itself into one coherent image.
Call center agents are trapped inside a world that rotates faster than the world of an average people who works a regular 9 by 5 day job. We're happy, we look happy, but a big chunk of ourselves are drowned in a hidden depression that only we are aware of. No one knows. Not even our families. We are the people who are half empty inside. We are the people who are sleep deprived, stressed from the roots of our hair to the smallest toenail of our feet, and we are the most forgetful when it comes to date, month and exact time of the day. It's not a normal life. It's one crazy hell of a ride.
To all call center agents who feel the same way I do but are still hanging on, kudos. This is for each and everyone of you. Keep doing an awesome job, this is not even for us, this is for the people we care about. Ciao.
Labels: agent, call center, fast paced, pink crimson
'Orphan' Made my List
11-11-2009 Wednesday
ORPHAN
(the original movie poster...)
(the cute Orphan, Isabelle Fuhrman)
(Isabelle Fuhrman, the actress who played Esther in the film Orphan, hey she's cute!)This awesome movie just made my list of favorite movies with a very neat twist at the end. I can't even begin to tell you how I enjoyed the climax part of the story, but just to give everyone an idea, I was glued to the TV screen, not moving, not even daring to take my eyes off of the screen and for a moment, I was not in my room anymore, I felt like I was in there, seeing the whole thing as the story unfolds a shocking twist. That's what films should be like, instead of some lame love story between a vampire and a human, *cough* excuse me.
I've had this DVD copy of Orphan for awhile now, but it's just now that I got the chance to watch it, because I have a lot of other DVD's lined up for my movie marathon that is held every day off. Good thing I decided to watch it now.
I woke up early, really early, it's like 6 in the morning, because of this damn flu. I kept on sneezing, I feel the snot inside my nose and it is so disgusting and disturbing that I can't fall asleep again!
Anyway, to hell with my flu, back to the movie talk. Orphan is a long movie, more than two hours and I was never the type of person who can sit down to an awfully long movie unless it is worth watching. Well, yes it is worth watching, and I didn't even notice the time passing by until I finished the whole thing and glanced at the clock. That's how good of a movie this one is.
Orphan is a movie about a young girl named Esther who is adopted by a husband and wife who already has two kids. At first, everything seemed perfect between them but things started to turn out wrong when they noticed that something seemed to be wrong with Esther. Argghh, I can't really recite a good sypnosis for a film! Anyway, the story goes like that and there's so much more to it when you start to realize what exactly is wrong with Esther. That's all I can say, you gotta watch the film too, to find out. Uhh that's for those who hasn't watched it yet, I know it was out in the theater before so am I too late? Oh crap..
For those people wanting an excellent twist at the end that will make you say, "Ohh, I never thought about that", then this movie is for you. On the other hand, for those people who are lovesick of the vampire loves a human shit *coughs again, can't help it*, and can't even stand to see a little bit of killings on film, then you can refrain from watching this.
Labels: Isabelle Fuhrman, Orphan, pink crimson
First Loan
11-10-2009 Tuesday
I have it in my hands just earlier this day. My very first check of approved loan from Pag Ibig. I was pretty disappointed at the amount that I looked at, but oh well, 4,000 something is still money right? I was just expecting for something way more than that. I thought loans are supposed to be huge amounts of money that's why they have to give it to you as a form of a check. Or maybe it would depend on the type of loan you filed. If that's the case, then my calamity loan after more than two years of being employed in that same company is just worth P4,426.11 to be exact?
When you say calamity, for me, it means you are in dire need of financial help to get your life back together after the calamity. That's the reason why I was expecting more than that,besides the fact that the taxes they deduct every payday is more than a thousand bucks, so that makes it almost 2,000 PER month. Well, you know what they say, don't count your eggs before they hatch..or err it's something like that.
After getting the check, Alex and I went to Landbank to encash it. The bank requested two valid ID's and I don't have anything aside from my fading, ancient company ID and my like new Driver's license. The ugly teller arrogantly scrutinized my ancient company ID and she doubted the minor difference between the two ID's signature. I can tell that she's trying to control herself from laughing out loud upon seeing the cracks and fading edges of my ID, and I can't remember why I didn't argue with her. I should've gave that bitch a lesson on being nice as a teller but maybe I was just too tired and eager to go home that I wanted to be done with all of it. She didn't accept my good ol' company ID and suggested that if I have a bank account, I can just deposit the check directly to my bank. Good idea, shitface, I thought to myself and left.
We went to BDO located at the ground floor of our office building and deposited the precious check. At BDO, the tellers are pretty and smart looking, not to mention nice towards customers, shame on you, Landbank for having such stupid ugly teller (Landbank Quezon City Circle branch, to be more specific, hah!). The young woman with a pleasant smile assisted me in depositing the check and mentioned that it'll be available in my account by Thursday. I thanked her, grabbed Alex by the arm and we went home.
That's it for this day. I'm too tired from everything I have to go through for a petty amount of cash. I gotta sleep early tonight, bye folks, goodnight.
Labels: Calamity loan, check, Landbank, pink crimson, STUPID TELLER, ugly teller
Ka-ching!
11-09-2009 Monday
Ka-ching means the sound of money, lots of money dropping in my purse!
Ok, that could be an exaggeration so forgive me. I'm just so happy because today I found out that my calamity loan thru Pag-Ibig has been approved and a check is now waiting for me to claim at the Pag-Ibig branch near Q.Ave. Hip hip, hooray! We're not really affected by the typhoons, thank God, but I filed a claim anyway since everyone at the office was given a chance to file one. I took advantage of it so I can use the money for some things I'm planning to do or buy before this year ends.
Hey, did you guys know that I used to keep a small notepad where I write down my wish list, or err, those things that I will own or buy someday? I'm currently in the process of looking for that notepad to see how many things I need to erase on that list because I already have it. You gotta have one, trust me, it works to have it. It motivates you to earn, work hard, and once you're finally able to buy something in that list, you simply erase it and the feeling of achievement will linger longer than what it is if you don't have a list to fulfill.
As far as I can remember, I jot down a couple of things on that notepad which is something I already own like the computer, Gameboy Advance, a cellphone with an Mp3 player and so on. It makes me more excited to find that little thing now.
Come on, make one now and challenge yourself to get at least five or more things on that list before every year ends. Just something I wanna share, I gotta run, I need to find that notepad, I know it's just somewhere beyond this mess under my bed...Uhh...
ka-ching!
Labels: Calamity loan, ka ching, Pagibig, pink crimson
Realization
11-08-2009 Sunday
Both Alex and I have learned from the almost-got-scammed incident that we've had with that damn Nigerian somebody. On top of that we also realize a couple of things. With Alex, he realized he wanted his phone after all so he decided not to sell it anymore. I thought that it's one of the best decision he's ever had, if you wanna know the other best decisions he made, I'll just give y'all a hint, it involves me, haha. His 5130 Xpressmusic is cool and it's something that was given to him so he has to treasure it. My only fear is that once he need some fast money again, the cellphone might end up in the pawnshop for the third freakin time. Well, he gave me the assurance that it won't happen again, so I'm hoping for the best. Sigghh..
I know I have to be more careful next time when dealing with foreign buyers. I always do buy and sell online and I prefer meet ups, because with that, you can transact personally. I've done shipping once as a seller, thankfully the buyer is an honest man who sent me the money right away and I was able to ship the package out. Once as a buyer also, when I bought a Stephen King book on the internet. I realized that from now on, I should opt out the shipping option if the package I'm selling or buying is high cost, like gadgets and the likes, unless the buyer is really interested and willing to send the money first. Better be safe than sorry.
I was never been scammed before and I don't plan to be a victim of scam. It's bad business. It's not as easy as calling the police, giving them the details and they can do the rest to capture the scammer. No, it's not like that at all because you're dealing with a total stranger whom you have very limited information about the whereabouts and even the real name. If the person is a scammer then they'll definitely use different names other than their own.
Lately, I've been reading a lot of scam stories over the internet and it makes me more cautious about dealing with strangers on the internet but it doesn't mean that I'm gonna stop my online thing. I need to just be more careful, and cautious. For one thing, foreigner buyer is a no no, just the fact that it's impossible for them to buy whatever it is you're selling if that item is being sold everywhere including their own country Another thing is never be the first one to ship out the item, always wait for the money. No money means the deal is off. And lastly, just because the person sounded nice and all, still, remember that you're dealing with is a stranger, it doesn't mean that you have to trust that person completely.
A legit transaction and a closed deal with an honest buyer/seller is an awesome experience, we just have to figure out the real from the fraudulent.
Labels: Email scam, fraudulent, Nigerian Scam, pink crimson, Scammer
Almost Got Scammed
11-06-2009 Friday
A couple of days ago, I received an email inquiry from someone named Deborah Honey, telling me that she's interested in the 5130 Nokia cellphone that I'm selling online. She said she wanted to give it as a birthday gift to her father in the Lord who is a missionary in Nigeria and she's offering me P8,000 for the cellphone plus she wanted me to calculate the shipping charge so she can pay for it as well. I didn't take it seriously since a couple of things seemed to not make sense to me at that time: For one, it sounded impossible for someone to offer that much for a used cellphone. Two, I doubt if the phone will work in Nigeria. Three, I wonder why a Canadian would buy a phone from another foreign place rather than getting it directly from Nigeria where her father is located.
Even though I have some misgivings about this suspiscious email, I played along with it and told her that I'll check the shipping rate on the DHL website. I used the online rate calculator and the shipping fee came up to $69.98 which is equal to around Php 3,200. I immediately emailed the cost to her and gave her a total of Php 11,000 for everything. She said that's fine and she asked for my bank account number so that she can transfer the money to my bank account.
I asked to a couple of friends, even my manager if it's safe for me to give out my account number to Deborah and they said there's nothing she can do with it anyway other than transfer funds to the account so without any hesitations, I gave my account number to her, hoping that this playing around will turn out to be a real transaction. After sending her my informations, she replied to my email the following day and told me that she has transferred the amount of Php 11,000 in my bank account and I can already proceed with getting the phone shipped out.
I seriously thought that I'm dealing with the real thing when I checked my email and lo, there's a confirmation email from Royal Bank of Canada (RBC) that a sum of Php 11,000 was transferred to my bank account #: xxxxxxxx and so and so. I was excited to check my account balance but when I read the whole thing, my doubts started to resurface again.
To make sure I'm reading it right, I read it more than three times, making sure I have my glasses on and I also forwarded it to a friend of mine who's more knowleadgeable about stuff like this. The email says to complete the money transfer, I have to send them the tracking number of the package, that way, they'll verify that the item will be sent out and to protect the buyer and the seller from possible fraud. Fraud, huh? My friend insists that the whole thing is a scam and he said he's heard a lot about Nigerian scam.
I was just thinking, what if this transaction is legit? That means I just blew my chance in getting a good amount of money. I just don't like having what if's in my head and yeah, I like good money, shame on me. I still want to find out how things will turn out if I at least try.
I was already considering of sending the phone out just so I can get my money but I don't know if I'm willing to spend the P3,200 out of pocket cost for the shipping. I had a plan also to check with DHL if there's a way for them to hold the package for me but still be able to give out a tracking number, that way I can make sure that I get my money first before the beloved cellphone leaves this country for good. I was so confused, a part of me wanted to go ahead and proceed with the transacton, and a very little part of me is telling me to cancel everything.
In a last attempt to protect myself, I replied to the email confirmation and asked what assurance I have that the money will be transferred over. I also googled RBC and found the legit website of the bank. I clicked Contact Us and sent an inquiry about the email confirmation I have received. I waited the entire day for any replies. The first email I have received is from the so called RBC wireless transfer department, giving me assurance that the transaction is valid and 100% legit and they reminded me that the money cannot be refunded back to the buyer's account so I need to proceed with sending the phone out.
I thought that's the department I contacted thru the bank's website so I was relieved to know that the transaction is legit afterall. With that in mind, I went to the office, brought the phone with me so I can send it when I get off from work in the morning.
Good thing I decided to check my email again while I was at work, (and good thing I was able to check it before IT blocked the connections to Gmail). There's a new email waiting for me. This one is from the real website of RBC, a customer care representative replied to my online inquiry and she warned me that it's a fraudulent transaction. RBC doesn't accept Shipping/Tracking numbers to complete money transfers, moreover, they don't act as intermediary on online sales.
Lord hammercy on me! I almost got scammed! To even think that I have the box of the phone and everything, it was like giving it all away to a fraudster! Deborah also emailed me, telling me to ship the phone out and I wasn't mad, I was more afraid because I knew I was dealing with a fraudster so I didn't bother replying to her anymore. For sure, her name is not Deborah, she could be a he, she could be some black nigger from that damned place Nigeria, she could be anyone pretending to be some Deborah Honey who has some nice words to say about father, lord, missionary and other religion lies hoping that some innocent people will take the bait.
I know I'm the one to blame for being so greedy. I was blinded by the amount of money she offered and I hated myself for that. I don't want to lose something and let some fraudster win before I learn my lesson. I have learned from it now and I'll be more cautious and careful next time. The most important thing that I know now is the best advice I got directly from the RBC website that says;
if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is.Labels: 5130, Email scam, Money transfer, Nigerian Scam, pink crimson, Scammer
One Gore After the Other
11-04-2009 Wednesday
From now on, every day off, I intend to give myself a healthy dose of gore films. Bloods, guts, maximum carnage and the likes. Yesterday, I watched The Hills Run Red, today I just finished Wrong Turn 3 Left for Dead. This is the film I've been searching for, ever since I read about it on wiki. Imagine my surprise when I found it bundled in the same DVD copy of The Hills Run Red. You know how pirated CD's are, the titles printed outside are not usually what it is when you start playing it.
This time, my company in watching it is a can of Piknik, and some chocolates. I wouldn't be surprised if I'll gain some weight because of all this fats I'm loading up in my system, well yeah, who gives a fuck? I ain't one of those diet freaks who starve themselves to death because they think that being thin is so fucking sexy. Screw that.
Now I face the computer again. I hope my internet will not always be interrupted by all this pop up that just seem to come out of nowhere, it's such a bitch because I'm on prepaid and this thing doesn't charge per minute, as opposed to what they say on the commercial, this broadband thing charges every 30 minutes, so if I get kicked out 10 minutes after connecting, then that instantly counts as 30 minutes. Bummer. I don't know why my computer is acting up like this. I wish I'm more knowledgeable when it comes to fixing some minor software problems in my pc. It could be a virus, what else could it be?
I always do a virus scan before connecting to the internet, nothing will show up but when I'm logged in, sometimes a pop up will just appear that system this and that has encountered error and my internet will just freeze. The viruses that came up before are all deleted so I'm just wondering, when you delete a virus, does that mean they're deleted for real? Or are they just temporarily hidden? What's that about? Fuck, I'm so so ignorant, I'm like a fucking dumb American who don't know how to turn their computer on.
Hell, I'll figure it out. Some questions to some friends who has enough knowledge will do the trick, it has worked out before so let's try again this time. Or maybe if it gets worse or incurable, I'ma get ahold of a computer whiz geek and let them take a look at it. In the meantime, I'm gonna browse the web for more gore films that I can watch on my next day off, while my computer is cooperating.
Labels: gore films, IT, pink crimson, Wrong Turn
Oh Gimme Gore
11-03-2009 Tuesday
I just finished watching The Hills Run Red and I must say this, I'm stunned. Another awesome gore film and another keeper in my long list of gore movies to indulge whenever I'm feeling like some sick psycho and I needed some gore to cure my madness.
What is it with gore that makes me wanna watch it while all the others are chickening out upon watching the first few minutes of the flick? Dunno, I guess that's just me. In spite of the girly things that I'm now starting to like, I'm still hooked with gore...gore and more gore...
Yeah, most of you might be tired from hearing me say the word gore but fuck it, I'm hooked. Better believe me, I can watch people's bloods and guts spray out of their body and mind you, I watch with both eyes glued to the TV, not even a side glance or something. I mean, where's the fun in it if you're not gonna see the climax? Or maybe in this case, the worst?
There must be two sides of me, one is the maturing, trying to be more ladylike chick, while the other one remains to be boyish and morbid psycho. Most of the time, I feel like I need to go to a psychologist or something because I'm freaked out by myself and I know it affects the people around me.
Take Alex for example. He always says that I could be difficult and hard to understand. He said that if he's the type of person who gets mad easily, I'd be in trouble. I know I am hard to figure out and I keep telling him to give me time even though I don't know for sure why am I asking for it. Time for what? To grow up? Hell, I've grown up. I ain't no teenager anymore which is sad to admit. Sigh.
So what wait am I talking about. I'm afraid I also don't know. That must be a lame excuse I have but bottomline is; I'm a goddamn mess. My brain is pretty messed up badly and I'm still trying to fix it, ya know, getting things back together, picking the pieces up. Fuck yeah. I got a lot of nightmare, bitter childhood memories, too much hatred, fear and all so I think that could be the reason why I got hooked into all things gore. It's my way of releasing those emotional baggage I carry inside.
I find comfort in seeing gore. Not just watching films but also Gore photos, gore artworks, morbid news stories, yes gimme all of it and that calms me down, keeps me from grabbing some moron I bump into the street and just beating the hell out of him. It sure helps, trust me. When you're mad, frustrated and you feel like everything you do is wrong, you get fucked up right there in your brain cells, right where it hurts and it controls your entire being, and there's simply nothing you can do about it.
Me? Psychotic? Hell yeah...
Labels: alex, gore films, pink crimson, The Hills Run Red
The Homebody
11-02-2009 Monday
Yes, that's me! Like what I said in my post yesterday, from now on, I'll start enjoying my day off by being a homebody potato couch. Call me boring, yes I am but hey I've waited months for this to finally come and I'm just enjoying myself. Being an angry daughter who's always pissed could be tiring so I'm taking a break from all of it.
Day 1, I woke up early, don't know why but my body clock is at it's worse, but I pretended to sleep while I listen to my mom pack her things and when I heard her leave, I instantly jumped up from my bed, eager to start my day as a homebody geek.
First thing I did is took the remote control out from it's hiding place. My old buddy is still as reliable as ever when I punched the button to switch the TV on. Then I plugged the DVD player and browsed the DVD's I have, looking for a movie I haven't watched yet. I came up with 'The Ugly Truth' and popped it in the player. I grabbed a cold bottle of water from the fridge, sat on a chair in freont of the TV and opened a can of Pringles. Ta-dah, instant potato couch.
After watching, here I am again, facing the computer, updating this blog. Let's see what else we can talk about....
Oh yeah, I haven't heard anything from Alex yet. He texted me last night telling me he's gonna go to Cavite today and he wanted me to go with him. I texted him back telling him that I'm gonna pass. Ugh, boys. He's like gone for a week, not making any effort to come see me and now all of a sudden, he's gonna ask me to go with him. Hah, now that there's no reason for me not to stay at home, I'm gonna let him have all his time, hoping he'll miss me so bad he's gonna make the effort again just like what he always did before.
I guess that's just about it for now, there's not much to update anyway so I'm gonna leave you guys with the beautiful Katherine Heigl pic, and an awesome line from 'THe Ugly Truth' that goes something like this:
Abby: You're in love with me? Why?
Mike: Beats the shit out of me.. But I am..Labels: alex, guys, pink crimson, The Ugly Truth
Beginnings..Over and over again..
11-01-2009 Sunday
I'm sorry I know y'all are gettin' tired from the usual title of my post for each beginnings of the month but for the record, I don't really give much of a damn, I just feel the need to apologize because I'm sick of it myself, so I figured y'all are getting sick more than I do. Don't worry, when my mind is less drained from work, maybe I can come up with a more decent title for each post, but for now, you blog seekers better bear with me.
Ok, here we go again. Another new month begins, my mom leaves tomorrow, and I can finally rest during my day off, what more could I ask for this month? Just the fact that my mom has a job again which means she'll finally be out of sight,, is more than enough reason for me to rejoice this month.
So what's left for me to do? Uhh, let's see... Alex seemed to be fine even though we barely see each other, which pisses me off but I have to hide it because I'm being the perfect, understanding girlfriend for him. I mean, seriously, I'm trying not to be difficult and I'm trying (and trying and trying) not to nag him over again about Ms. Fat Bitch and ms. Lesbo Bitch. Besides, I promised him that once my mom leave, I'm gonna leave him alone and not keep asking for his time.
Starting tomorrow, I will become the me I've always wanted to be. Calm, alone, homebody potato couch and bookworm, in short, I'm gonna be downright boring. Alone and boring without anyone. Not even a boyfriend beside me.
Sometimes I missed being single. IT makes no difference if your guy is not always with you, not texting you or anything. You just wait till you're going slightly crazy. Well, I'm happy with him, it's just that, I wish he's more like the Alex that I've fallen in love with at the summer slam. The Alex that shows every minute how much I mean to him. The Alex that does the extra effort just to see me. I'm not saying that he's no longer like that, I feel like, he's less than what he used to be.
Whatever it is, I'm happy being on my own. I have the house to me and my gramma again and that's all that matters to me. Bye bye bitch. Bye bye madness. Hello hello happiness.
Labels: alex, daughter, mother, novmber, pink crimson
