A Step Closer

04-21-2009 Tuesday

Shoot, it's only 8:25pm but I'm already sleepy..

Yesterday, Mac and I were supposed to go to my colleague's condo for a night swimming but since he's been busy during the day, by the time he was home, he was a bit tired and I was a bit mad at him for I already gave my word to my colleague and we're supposed to have left hours ago. We had a petty fight about it and I almost went to my colleague without him but when he said that I should not go and we should just meet, I had to do it. Simply because I don't know how to say no to him, I've missed him and I think we need to talk before things get out of hand.

We don't have any place to go nor any plans last night aside from the swimming so he ended up calling up Kuya Joey and we all ended up to his house again. That would instantly mean a drinking session.

Jun-Jun, Mac's other cousin joined us again. We were on our usual spots again just like the last time we were there. I was sprawled on the large couch, nearest to Kuya Joey's videoke, holding the mic and song book again. Kuya Joey was sitting across Mac and Jun-Jun who sat beside each other on the long mono bloc chair.

I was way beyond the word 'drunk' last night but I remember some highlights. I remember getting mad at Mac for being indulged in transferring video scandals from Kuya Joey's computer to his cellphone. I hate boys for that. Why is it that when they talk about porn, they seem to have a world of their own? That's what happened and the three of them seem to have forgotten that they have a girl with them! Me! I was disappointed so before their testosterone's soar higher, I went outside to smoke and get some air. Mac followed me and talked me into getting back inside. Get back inside and watch them watch porn in their phones? Hell no. Kuya Joey went outside and told me that he already switched off his computer and that they're done with the scandal shit.

I went back inside only to find Mac and Jun-Jun watching one of the scandals on their cellphone. Mac noticed that the girl looked like one of his exes and he was furious. I don't know how to react but I saw the disappointment in his eyes and the way he cursed the girl, I know that he is damn affected about it. That almost made me cry. I was like, if it's in the past, why'd you have to be so damn affected about it? Is it because your goddamn ego is hurt? Is it because the girl you thought was a saint turns out to be a whore who poses in the camera while getting fucked? Fuck them both. Fuck whores and fuck your damn ego.

Kuya Joey was able to calm me down and said that there's no reason for me to get hurt over that. He said that once Mac is no longer drunk, he's sure that he'll explain things to me. Right. That's if he can even remember half of what happened.

The final straw was when Mac almost fell asleep on me again. When I saw him sleeping on the long chair, I threw a goddamn fit and cried. Kuya Joey and Jun-Jun we're alarmed. I couldn't help it. He said earlier that he will not get drunk and he will not fall asleep on me so we can talk. Damn, I believed in him again! What I hate about him is that when he sleep and I try to wake him up, he's mad as hell at me.

They brought him to Kuya Joey's room and I followed. They left us there and turned off the lights. I lay beside him, crying. He hugged me to prove that he's awake. I was sobbing in his chest while he gently combed my hair with his hand. Things couldn't get more perfect than that so I snuggled closer to him, hugged him back and we both fell asleep.

I woke up in his arms at around 5 in the morning. His handsome face was looking back at me, smiling. Jesus, I can imagine giving up everything just to see that face with those eyes every morning when I wake up for the rest of my life.

Then, we talked. He said that he's just mad last night because of how things are turning out for him. I asked him what the problem is. He said that I don't need to know since it doesn't involve me. 'Try me', I challenged him. With the faraway look he had on his eyes, I instantly knew that it's about his son. I was right. He said that the mother went back to Manila yesterday but she didn't brought his son with him. They had an agreement that the next time she went to Manila, she'll bring their son so he can take custody. Surprisingly, the pain I felt was not for myself but for him. He said that he missed his son so much and I saw the fondness in his eyes as he told me that the last time he called, the grandmother of his son told him that the baby is already holding the utensils and sipping on the glass of milk when he's being fed. Mac proudly said that his son is a smart 6 month old baby and that he calls him 'Da-da'. He also told me that yesterday when we're at the bakery while waiting for the rain to stop, he wanted to cry when he saw the woman holding a baby. I remembered that. I noticed the glassy look he had when he stared at the baby holding a small piece of bread while on his mother's arms. I don't know how to comfort him so I just hugged him. I felt the sincerity of his love for his child alone and I can say that I'm already a step closer in accepting them both. I love him. His son is a part of him. I have to accept every part of him to be able to love him completely. I was surprised when he smiled and told me that he wanted me to be the mommy for his son. Mommy. I felt a surge of pride with the way he said it so when he asked me if that's fine with me, I answered a breathless 'yes'. I don't know what else to say. I'm suddenly excited to see his son. I know that it's the only thing that will complete him, and I want his life to be complete, the way he has completed mine.

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 5:06 AM