Valuable Time

06-13-2010 Sunday

Does everyone understand how valuable time is? A time wasted is something you can never get back, once it's lost, it's gone forever, no second chances. I don't know if it's part of the emotional changes I'm going through but lately, I've been valuing time, been paying so much attention to it and on how I can divide it between the people that mattered to me. I wanna spend as much time as I could with the people I care about, make sure they're happy, healthy and living well.

I go home as often as I could while I still can. I try to spend time with Alex whenever it's his off. I try to always keep an open communication with my present and former colleagues. I felt like my heart is a big, open chamber for all the people I love. I only have a few important people on my list but my heart felt so big and full of them. I love to love them, I just wanted them to remember me as someone full of love to share. Like I mentioned, we can never tell when time will be over and separate us. Possibilities, endless possibilities. My imagination is running wild, my feelings are open wires, sensitive even to the slightest touch so you'd have to bare with me, you can call it, one of those days for me.

Maybe it's also because I have a severe case of home sickness, it could be the reason why I feel so emotional about people and things lately. Emotional changes, understanding and trying to deal with the difficult things, are these all part of growing up process? Gasp! Does this mean I'm growing up? Finally? For real? Wow.

Ok, I'm starting to learn how to cook (2 meals under my belt *wink), I'm doing the laundry, I'm trying to be more patient and understanding, in short, I'm trying to be the perfect partner in the house. This time with Alex is temporary, I don't want any blames or any bad separation when the time comes that I will go back home. I only want him to remember me as someone, even for a short period of time, who cared and loved him.

I don't know why but it suddenly mattered to me on how I would leave a lasting impression on people. I began thinking that when I'm gone, I want people to think positive and happy thoughts with me. Now, do all people think of that? Maybe the good ones, the types of people who probably has a one way ticket to heaven because of their goddamn kindness. What about for those people like me, who has made tons of mistake, most of which has caused pain to my family. Do I have the right to even think about being good now?

Something makes me worry, this something makes me think about trying to change my life to be a better person. This something tells me that time might be running out for me..and I have to run for it, get ahold of it before it slips away. I'm dying to live, every single day...because life might pass me by and I can't, no I won't let that happen. And when my time is over, I can look back on my existence as something that did happen, that I've lived a memorable life worth remembering.

Labels: alex, family, gramma, life, love, pink crimson, time, value

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 3:04 AM