Still On the Process

06-14-2010 Monday

This may sound silly but I swear I cried after being able to fry a fish in the pan. I've been trying, for years, to get over my fear of frying fresh meat or fish in a pan of hot cooking oil. It hurts when the oil splatters out of the pan and hit you right? I hate that. Since I'm starting to learn how to cook more types of food, I figured I'll eventually get to the part when I would have to face this fear so I gathered up all the courage I have when I told Alex that I'll be preparing fish for lunch.

Good thing I remembered what my gramma taught me about cleaning the fish. It was hard, I feel a bit grossed out and I almost cut my finger but I did it. Goddamn, I did it.

I took care of preparing lunch while Alex did the laundry. When he finished, I'm already cooking the rice. We stayed in the room to rest before eating. He popped a dvd in the computer and began watching. I lie down in bed, I wasn't looking at the computer monitor, I was looking at the plate of fried fish that sat on the table beside our bed. It looks like something my gramma would prepare and when I thought about it, my eyes just leaked. I'm missing my home again. I'm missing my gramma and the food she usually cooks for me. I may be on the process of growing up away from home, and I'm trying to get used to it but sometimes, it's still hard to get by.

Alex noticed me crying and he sat on the bed, looking alarmed, "What's wrong? Why?" he held my face to wipe my tears.

Not so Alex, I thought. When we were not yet living together, he would scold me for crying, telling me that I'm always being such a drama queen so I am surprised with the way he acts lately. It's like he's really starting to care. Well, maybe miracles do happen.

I told him I'm alright, that I just remembered something and I'm tired with the household chores. I have told him that I'm not used to doing all the work at home, he knows how I am treated when I was living with my gramma so he can definitely understand where I'm coming from.

"It's okay" he said, "I appreciate all your hardwork, I'll make it up to you."

'If you say so.' I can only say that in my head. His 'I'll make it up to you' line is something I don't really count on. He has some habits that would be hard to change, changes don't happen overnight, but it would be nice if he will start being more responsible in the house.

The rice got cooked and we ate outside the house with our adopted mate, Doraemon. It was nice to eat outside, warm and sunny, I had my one knee up and we ate with our hands, forget about utensils, those will only add up to the things to wash and clean.

Alex went to work at around 2 and I'm left at home to contemplate if I've really grown up eversince I made this decision to live alone and face the responsibilities ahead of me. I came up with a blank answer.

Seriously, what would it take for me to grow up? More cooking lessons? Attend anger management classes? It should begin with myself yeah, but I can't find the answer within me on where to begin. Help!

Labels: alex, cook, food, gramma, grow-up, living together, mate, pink crimson

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 3:05 AM