Believing?

06-23-2010 Wednesday

I was fuming mad and on the verge of tears on the way home. I was so sleepy I can barely keep my eyes open while walking, it was almost 7:30 when I reached the corner street where I would wait for a jeepney going Quiapo and getting a jeep is a bitch. It's rush hour, people going to their respective jobs and schools so that means, most jeeps are full. It took me almost 15 minutes to get a ride and I have to squeeze myself in to fit.

I kept on checking my cellphone, hoping to hear something from Alex. None. Just great, I shouldn't have expected. His ass is probably still snoring loudly. He ain't a morning person, and I know that's gonna be hard to change but it irritates me sometimes that he can't get himself to try to sleep early so he could get a better chance of waking up early to pick me up.

Traffic is a bitch. It's always taking me an hour before I reach the house and I was dead tired that all I wanna do is roll on the ground instead of walk.

When I reached the house, I noticed that the door was open and the light was on. That's weird, I thought Alex is still sleeping like he always do whenever I would get home. My eyebrows were crossed and I had my mouth curved upside down when I entered our room.

I found Alex sitting on the bed, looking guilty as he faced me. He has this boyish smile on his face and he scratched his head looking like a pre school boy that did not do his homework. I sat on the chair to take my shoes off. Then, I noticed something on the bed and all of a sudden, my anger has been washed out.

He has prepared me a nice breakfast which is a big surprise. Scrambled eggs, some hot pandesal and a steaming cup of chocolate drink. My stomach growled and I was suddenly hungry. He did not pick me up but he made up for it by preparing me breakfast? Unbelievable.

I finally smiled, wiped the sweat off my brows and began eating. We had breakfast together. I'm not used to him doing that for me, I've known him to be a lazyass in the morning and I'm sure this preparation is not something he's used to either. But, I'm glad he did exert an effort to make it up to me.

Will this mean I'll start believing that he's really starting to care for real? I think I better not. When I start to believe, I start to hope, I begin to wish impossible things and I might end up getting hurt again. I don't want to take that risk. I'd rather be on the safe side and deal with these things casually.

Ok, to be fair with him, I'm starting to see some changes as far as him being a responsible partner. Even though, most of the time, I have to remind him to do things, at least he does it. In regards to the future, on more than one occasion, he has even talked about it with me, which is also something new. I wanted to think that he's really seeing the future with me but I'm still not counting on it until we get to the hardest part--which is talks about religion. When he start talking to me about our religion differences, then that's probably the time that I'll really begin to believe in us being together for good. Until that time, I'll be holding on to my feelings.

This might work out. It may not. Whatever..I'm here to make the most out of this life that I've been given. Expect less. Keep the faith. Remain strong and steadfast. Wherever this road is gonna lead me, what mattered is that I enjoyed the ride.

Labels: alex, Blumentritt, living together, love, making it work, pink crimson, relationships

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 6:55 AM