Gramma Day

06-21-2010 Monday

"Here we are." I announced dramatically as I held the door open to our room.

My gramma took a quick peek inside as she unslips her sandals off of her feet.

"Whatchu think?" I asked her, smiling my well practiced smile.

She went inside and sat on our double deck bed. I followed, still smiling.

I'm an actress in a role for this day. My gramma wanted to visit me in the house where I stay with Alex and since today is still my day off, I invited her over. I practiced every good thing I'm gonna say, the way I'm gonna smile, and the way I'm gonna act around her, for her not to notice any hint of loneliness in me. I want her to know that I'm doing well, and I'm happy to be here. That way, she doesn't have to worry much about me.

"There's no window?" I can't blame her if that's the first thing she noticed.

I shook my head, "But I keep this door open so it wouldn't be so hot in here." I pushed the door to open wider, "See?" my jaw is starting to hurt from my teeth baring smile.

She nodded thoughtfully. "I see." her eyes scanned the room. "This is small but at least you're getting by."

"Course I am." I said but I really wanted to say, 'No, it's hard getting used to it, sometimes I feel confined and locked alone when Alex is not here.'

"And it looks quiet here." she remarked.

"It sure is." then, I thought, 'except for those snotty brats from upstairs.'

"How's everything in here?" she asked.

I couldn't look at her directly, "Good. Everything's...Uhmm..okay." 'No it's not okay, I wanna go home so bad, I'm homesick and sad.'

"Glad to hear that."

I don't know if she really bought it, or if she just wanted me to see that she's believing me. Whatever it is, the unspoken words will remain hanging in the air. No need for me to say what I really feel. No need for her to worry.

Alex left for work so I spent the entire day with gramma. First, we went to the flea market. She taught me how to determine which is a fresh meat, which is not. Then, she taught me how to cook menudo. We had lunch together, and I treated her to Chowking for a halo-halo as our dessert.

At around 2:30, she said she has to go because she doesn't wanna be stuck in traffic when it's already late. I went to the jeepney stop with her. We bid goodbye, she kissed me on the cheek before hopping on the jeep that will take her home. She looked outside the window and waved at me, I waved back, trying my best to still smile.

I turned my back before the jeep went on it's way. If I looked at it too long, I might hop on the jeep with her, tell her to take me home so I can be with her and Damien.

When I got back in the room, I lie down in bed and cried. I thought about her coming home, with Damien greeting her happily. I thought about Damien probably would have a look in his eyes that would ask her where am I, why am I still not yet home. I thought about how good it feels to hug Damien whenever I'm coming home, to be at our house, to be taken care of, instead of doing things my own.

At least, my gramma knows that I'm doing okay. At least, she doesn't know how lonely and homesick I really am. At least, she doesn't need to worry too much about me. At least, she's somewhat relieved, to know that everything is fine.

In that case, then, all the burden is mine.

Labels: Blumentritt, Damien, day off, gramma, granddaughter, pink crimson

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 12:16 AM