So Fucking Unwanted

10-01-2009 Thursday

All I wanted was to have a peaceful life at home, a retreat after a stressful night at work, a haven where I can truly be safe and free of any worries or any care in the world. Besides, that's what a home is supposed to be right? A nice, quiet little stone house where you are surrounded by simple people you call family, all's good and you have your own piece of pristine happiness. Sounds inviting, how I wish that's what I have at home.

Unfortunately, that's not the case at home. It's far from inviting if you consider going home to a mother who doesn't give a fuck and who lets her only daughter be the one to carry the burden for the family. I didn't ask her to immediately find a job because I know how hard it is, I only wanted to see her help at home. I've discussed that with her before and she knows that's what I hate about her. She seemed to change for a few days and do some house chores but after awhile she comes back to being a lazy-fuckin-ass who has decided that TV is a better companion.

I missed the days when it's just me and my gramma at home, there's no sight of my mother sleeping for more than 12 hours per day, there's no sight of her clothes bundled up in the bathroom waiting to be cleaned, I mean, just to have the need to wash her own clothes?! God. She lets my gramma do all of that. I help in the house chores once in a while but I can't do it all the time. I'm way too drained at work to do anything else.

I'm tired of all this. I don't want her at home anymore, I want her out, just anywhere but at home. If only I could tell that to her face, hey wait, I think I already did in one of our many fights. If I remember it right, she has told me that she'll just be the one to go if that's what I wanted. Why is she still here then? Fuck.

If she don't wanna leave, then it's time for me to be the fugitive again. I need to find another house to stay in for a couple of days. let's see my options. The boarding house where the bitches live (Alex), my aunt who's too strict, or ????? Looks like I don't have much of a choice. Nah, I'll figure it out.

Labels: aunt, daughter, HATE, mother, pink crimson

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 8:30 PM