The Only Thing

09-08-2009 Tuesday

If things could get any crappier than what it is now, I would definitely lose my sanity. I am thankful that somehow, I still have a couple of things to be happy about. One of it is having Alex, who understands and who loves me no matter what.

After my overtime last night, he picked me up and I slept in the boarding house with him. It has rained all night, and I heard the distant rumble of thunder. As the storm rages throughout the night, I felt safe and warm in his arms. Being with him gives me a reason to smile in spite of all the bullshit that is happening right now. It's all the same crap everyday, work, being broke, having a useless mother and a father who doesn't give a damn, living in a house that doesn't belong to us, having to move out everytime the rent gets harder to pay, shits like that. It's like one of those boring late night TV show story that gets stale when another TV program becomes a hit.

Seriously, I want to give up this responsibility I have. I am turning 21 a few days from now, I'm still at the peak of my youth and all I want to do is enjoy every moment of it without having to worry about anything. Sure I enjoy some things I have but most of the things happening to me are all shits. It is impossible to wish for a perfect life but sometimes poor people like me wonder why other people seemed to have everything while we suffer. It's just not fair. I've accepted the fact that life is unfair ever since my father walked out on us and gave up the responsibility he's supposed to have with us as his family. Life has been unfair to me when I have to work at a tender age of 18 while all the other teens my age get to study, have fun and waste money on worthless craps.

The sad truth is that I can't give up. No matter how hard, no matter how much my work takes out of me, no matter how painful it is to think that I earn money but wasn't able to buy things I wanted so bad for myself. The bills, the rent, the food on the table are all enough to make me broke a day after the payday and it sucks so bad to think about it that I just want to grab a fucking gun and shoot every rich people in sight.

To think that other people still finds a reason to complain about something, when there's really no need for them to complain. I don't know why other people have the guts to complain when there's really no need for that. Does it give them the right to rebel against things? What do you get for complaining anyway? Shame on yourself, that's what you get.

All I want, right now, aside from grabbing a gun, is a moment of peace with myself. Nothing else.

Labels: alex, crappy life, daughter, mother, pink crimson

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 6:19 AM