A Glimpse of the Has-been
06-17-2009 Wednesday
It's been more than a month since I came up with the conclusion that my beloved, lying bastard of an ex has died after being crushed by elephants that fell from the sky and just vanished from the face of the earth without a trace. Well, guess what, the bastard is still alive and breathing (rah-cheer).
Two days ago, I was slumped in front of this same computer that I'm typing on now, singing to myself as I check my Facebook account. I was surprised to see a comment from Mac on the photo album I made for me and Alex. He just said that he's sorry for not texting, he lost his phone, he wished me all the best and all that blah blah to show he's not bitter that I found someone new. What do I expect anyway? Of course he's not bitter about the whole Alex thing because I doubt if he even loved me before.
I decided to take the opportunity to send him a message and tell him everything I wasn't able to say before his mysterious disappearance. Even though I kept it short, I said everything that I felt, how disappointed I was, no holds barred and I ended it thanking him for leaving me because I found Alex who is far more better to keep than him. After I saw the prompt on the browser, telling me that my message has been sent, I felt relieved. I was finally able to tell him what I really feel about him screwing things up between us. He'll finally read what it was like to me, not that I'm expecting him to care or give a shit but what matters is I was able to tell him what he's supposed to know.
Yesterday, I read his reply. He said it's good that I'm happy and he can see that and as for him, he's alone, without a cellphone, without anyone. He also said that if I have time, I can still join them on a drinking session at our usual place, Kuya Joey's lair. Huh, not even a word of sorry if you'll notice. I casually replied some words a friend will say to an old friend. Yeah, that's what we are now. Old friends. Not exes because our relationship has been more shallow than that.
One of the things he said stuck in my mind. 'if I have time, I can still join them on a drinking session at our usual place, Kuya Joey's lair', and what, see him again? I pondered it. It will be interesting to see him again after all this time, after all that has happened to us and after shattering every pieces of myself which I'm able to get back together with the help of Alex. It's all in the past anyway, isn't it?
I have moved on, no doubt about that. I am so head over heels in love this time. I was just thinking that Alex, for sure, wouldn't like the idea of me hanging out with my ex, much more if it includes being induced with alcohol. I can't invite him to join anyway because that will be the most uncomfortable situation which I don't wanna put myself in.
Hell, come to think of it maybe that will be possible in the future. Mac and his cousins with me and Alex just hanging out (think Gwen Stefani's video, Cool). His cousins are a bunch of nice and funny people that's why I missed laughing with them. They've been more real to me than Mac. Yeah, it could be possible in the future, not soon though. Someday maybe. When all wounds are healed, scars are barely visible and the has been is nothing but an ancient past. But for now, Alex is mine, I'm his and Mac is all but a simple acquaintance, so let's leave it at that.
posted by Monica-Lynne @ 9:53 PM
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