The Nightmares are Back

06-13-2009 Saturday

I find myself inside a car, driving really fast on a highway, the speedometer screams 140kph, there is a warning signal ahead but I ignored anything that will stop me from feeling free and from feeling the rush of adrenalin channeling throughout my veins. The windows of the car are open and the wind is blowing my hair wildly. I smiled against the extreme wind, savoring the moment. Just as I'm about to turn left, a huge figure stepped out and I hit the brakes just in time. The car halted and the lights shone on the figures in front of me.

I screamed when I saw the distorted figures of three teenage girls, obviously slaughtered mercilessly. They're missing some parts of their face like the eyes, ears and mouth. Their stomachs are big and bloody, as if they we're about to give birth normally but the baby clawed out of them instead. My hands trembled and I couldn't move. They were walking towards me but I was frozen, all I did was stare at their eyeless face and wait for them to rip me apart because I was damn sure that's what they're supposed to do. I was ready to die when someone sat beside me in the car, a faceless guy who whispered that it's alright, that the three girls will soon go away. He was right. I looked in front of me and saw that the figures turned into a black vapor. They were gone.

"They always haunt this place. They were raped." Mr. Faceless told me and in a second, he too turned into a vapor and disappeared.

1:06am

I woke up, sweating. I grabbed my cellphone and saw that it's only 1:06am. It was a dream, no a nightmare. I was breathing heavily, afraid to close my eyes again, thinking that the slaughtered teenagers' faces will be the ones I'll see. I hugged my pillow and listened to the silence around me. There's no sound except for the soft snore of my grandma and mom who are both sleeping on the top bunk. I suddenly wished I'm sleeping with them but of course I can't squeeze in between them, two is pretty crowded already on our double deck beds. I sighed which is amplified because of the ear-splitting silence, and I thought of Alex. I suddenly wished he's beside me to scare away these nightmares.

I used to have a lot of gruesome nightmares, night after night. It involves bloody faces of those people I don't know, serial killers who eat a person's flesh, axe murderers who chop bodies to pieces, and me being chased by creatures that crawled out from underneath the earth. When I tell those nightmares in the morning, my grandma will tell me to stop watching morbid films at night because I tend to bring those scary characters with me in my dreams. I would shrug my shoulders and still watch some more gore films before going to sleep.

You see, gore movies fascinate me. I like the idea of a killer wandering around, chopping heads of literal strangers on the street, or an endless chase with a psycho. The heart stopping flicks about death, fighting for survival and lots of blood and guts. Films that people with a weak stomach wouldn't dare watch. The more killings, murders, tortures, the better. Still, I don't believe that being hooked into those types of films would cause such nightmares. I think I get nightmares because of too much anger that I always keep inside.

I was angry about a lot of things before. My father abandoning us, my mother not having a job and simply not being a mother to me at all, and the fact that I have to work my ass off while people around my age should be at school, pursuing a course in college. But those days of rebellion are over. I've come to forgive, forget and accept what's happening to me now rather than ranting about it. There's no reason to complain anyway. All of us have to go through a certain shit to test who will come out stronger and better. If you spend most of the time complaining about the things you can't change, then you'll never move forward, hence, you'll be left behind by others who are far more willing to survive.

Life, it's just a big morbid film about survival. We all play characters and it's up to us if we want to be eaten up alive by some crazed bastard or if we want to pick up fucking shotgun and shot all those motherfuckers who get in the way. We decide. Fate is given to us and we all have our own ways of dealing with it. Destiny is bullshit, it's still up to you to make things happen.

Now about my nightmares.... Shush, never mind.

Labels: gore films, nightmare, pink crimson, survival

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 6:12 PM