False Hopes

05-13-2009 Wednesday

'Pusa'. a four-lettered word message I found on my cellphone when I woke up this morning. It was from a number not registered on my phonebook. I thought it's one of my friends from Alponsky so I casually replied the usual 'Wasup! Hu u?'. Imagine my surprise when that someone turned out to be Mac. I just replied, 'Who's Mac?' since I seriously thought he's gone after being crushed by enormous elephants. He said that he doesn't wanna bother me but he wants us to talk. The asshole wants to show up and talk? For what? I've had enough of his reasons and scripted excuses. He could be an actor but he will never be a good boyfriend.

He said that he's been thinking about a lot of things lately that's why he's not showing up or texting me. He said that he still couldn't give me the assurance I need and he even considered of just taking care of his child. He don't want to get me involved in his problems because he loves me that much. Love? The shithead is now telling me about love? I told him that it's fine with me, he left me and there's no need for him to go back. There's no one to go back to. I'm done being the only one who knows the word 'sacrifice'. He insisted that he wants to see me and talk.

I know inside me it would be harder to break up with him in person. It will be hard to stare into those eyes, to touch him, to hug him for the last time. It will be hard to accept the fact that it will be the last time for both of us. He's leaving and I have to let him go. Had I known this is going to happen, I should've hugged him more tight the last time we're together, which was last Friday night. It was raining, then, and we're at his cousin's house. His cousins we're drinking and we're sitting beside each other. I was holding him. He was hugging me. It was just him, me and the storm outside, I felt like nothing's gonna go wrong. Damn.

For the sake of having a formal break-up, I decided to agree to meet with him and talk. I said he can just tell me when he'll be available to talk. His final reply is 'ok. talk to you later this afternoon'.

Guess what. The bastard lied again.

Tonight, he send me a message again telling me he's sorry he's not able to make it earlier because they had an accident on a motorcycle and his cellphone was broken. Yada-yada. The thing about him is he never ran out of excuses. He rans out of money all the time but excuses and reasons? Damn, he has lots of it. I knew he's never gonna show up again. Fuck him. I replied a brief 'that's fine.' and turned off my cellphone. My pink cellphone doesn't need to receive lies. It's too beautiful to be lied to.

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 6:12 PM