Still trying to cope
01-05-2009 Monday
Yesterday was horrible. I can't even remember how I've fallen asleep. Must be from too much weariness. You see, remorse visited me yesterday since I was alone at home. I did not ask for it, but it stayed nonetheless. Stayed until I'm exhausted from too much distress.
I cried and cried because I'm aching all over. I kept on remembering that yesterday is the same day last week when I went out instead of heading straight home to take care of Seifer. Sundays will always remind me of the time I wasted. The last day I carried Seifer in my arms and held him. The last day I felt his warm fur. The last day I force fed him so he can eat. The last day I stared into his suffering soft brown eyes.
I must've looked miserable and close to losing my mind yesterday as I sat down on the floor and
talked to the emptiness in front of me, assuming that Seifer is sitting there with a hopeful gleam in his eyes.
Damn. I thought being alone can help me heal my wounds myself but apparently, I can't. I've been denying that fact for far too long now so I guess it's the time to finally face it.
I desperately need someone's shoulder to cry on. Someone who really understands. It's hard, you know. Not a lot of people cry over their pets. Most people think of pets are just animals. Merely animals that need to be fed, groomed and taken care of but once they die, that's it,
they find another pet and the cycle starts all over again. Stupid people. I have this thought that animals deserve to live more than people does. If I'll be a butcher, I'd rather slaughter worthless people than harm any animal.
Now maybe you'll think that all I'm frustrated about right now is the death of my dog. Hah. Lemme tell you, I'm more complicated than that. Out of all the mishaps that usually happen to me, Ichoose to write about this one because:
1. I love my dog like a real human family member
2. I don't want this to look like a segment from Wowowee where people spill out their problems about their damn lives for all the world to hear.
As I've said in one of my previous post, this is not me so please bear with this theatrical posts of mournings for now. Given enough time, I'll be back to my old cheerful, optimistic self.. hopefully.
posted by Monica-Lynne @ 10:42 PM
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