Almost Gone
10-26-2009 Monday
The day that I've been waiting for for a couple of months now has finally arrived! The day that my bitch of a mother will be called to get back to work. Just when I thought I'd really need to relocate to get away from her, this wonderful thing happened. Hallelujah! I want to sing, jump, cry, shout, gee I wanna celebrate! I'm gonna need to buy that Red Ribbon sin they call 'White Forest' to celebrate this 'just because...' day that I thought would never come.
I plan to meet up with the landlord of the bedspacer ad that I saw online yesterday but I had to cancel that and apologized to the person I was texting. Now that the bitch will need to go back to work, there's no reason for me to runaway again. Time to get ahold of myself and let the anger difuse slowly while she's gone.
Alex came at our house around lunchtime, and I whispered the good news to him. He's also glad, he said that maybe I can go back to normal now that my mother will be away again. I gave him a look that said, what do you mean by that, and he laughed at that. I must admit that I've been pretty hard to handle these past few months and Alex has suffered a lot of headache for trying to deal with my psychotic bitchiness but now, we can start over again. No need for me to beg someone else's time and attention because there will be no emotional torture inside anymore. All of it, gone, gone, gone!
Based on what I heard from her while she's talking to my gramma, my aunt will just call her again tomorrow to talk about the arrangements of how she can go back and what day to be exact. I frowned at that because I'm expecting her to be gone asap. The sooner she packs her things and leave, the better.
I'm starting to think of the DVD's I'm gonna watch after she's gone. The rest that I will finally be able to take. The almighty remote control that I can hold again to view the shows I prefer to watch. Goodbye lame TV telenovelas. Hello hello english sitcoms. I think I already forgot what's on the boob tube but I can still check it all out once it's just me and my gramma again.
She'll be gone, and I'm already counting down the minutes till she's out the door. That's my little piece of happiness and I can't wait to take a bite.
Labels: alex, BITCH. pink crimson, gone, mother
KILL HER
10-14-2009 Wednesday
Could you just give me one post to let it all out??
I FUCKING HATE YOU, YOU FUCKING GODDAMN BITCH. WHY, WHY IS IT TAKING SO LONG FOR YOU TO DIE? USELESS PEOPLE ARE SUPPOSED TO DIE, THAT MEANS, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO FUCKING DIE, YOU USELESS CUNT.Envision this folks, the bitch went to the hospital earlier so the doctors can check what the fuck is wrong with her, I mean if she's really sick, is she really dying (I hope so, please), or if she's faking it so she can be excused from trying to find a job or doing some chores at home. Nothing was wrong, so far, she said. They need to go back tomorrow for a CT scan and some dialysis shit, so they can check further. God, if the doctors can't find anything wrong at that initial check-up, isn't she really faking it? The fucking bitch.
So she went home from the check-up and guess what's the first thing she did? No, she did not change clothes, or wash her face, she immediately grabbed a chair, turned the TV on and the next thing I knew, she's lost in the entertainment world again. Where else can you find a mother like that? Just went home and faced the television. What the fuck is that about?!
Here we are again, I sit here in front of the pc to let this all out while the bitch watches TV again, all this while my gramma washes her dirty clothes in the bathroom. Can't she just drop dead here and die? Please? Anyone who knows how to kill a mother without using your bare hands? Some black magic, I think? Some curse?
GODDAMN YOU, FUCKING BITCH. THE ONLY TIME THAT I WILL BE HAPPY AND SATISFIED WITH MY LIFE IS WHEN YOU'RE DEAD AND GONE FOR GOOD. I WANT TO SAY ALL THIS IN THIS BLOG, HOPEFULLY, THIS WILL STOP ME FROM GRABBING HER HAIR AND BANGING HER HEAD AGAINST A CEMENTED WALL UNTIL SHE BLEEDS TO DEATH, OR IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH, CHOKE HER TO DEATH, GRAB A KNIFE, CUT HER THROAT, OR MAYBE CHOP HER USELESS BODY TO MANY PIECES. DAMN, THAT'S HOW MUCH I HATE THAT CUNT. BELIEVE ME, MY HANDS ARE ACTUALLY SHAKING RIGHT NOW, EAGER TO JUST..I DON'T KNOW..KILL HER. PLEASE. TAKE HER AWAY FROM ME, BEFORE I LOSE ALL SANITY I HAVE LEFT INSIDE MY TWISTED MIND.
-Yeah? Tell me all about it....
Labels: BITCH. pink crimson, daughter, FURY FUCK, HATE, mother, rage
The Sickness
10-11-2009 Sunday
Today, I just proved that someone could actually get sick by doing absolutely nothing at home. The finest example for that is my goddamn lazyass mother. Would you believe that she is sick right now? And for what reason? I don't know, maybe because of too much sleeping, or too much watching TV, or maybe because she does nothing and her entire body system is just slowly dying due to lack of physical activity. That could happen right? Like on a mchine, if it's not being used, the parts get rusty and it eventually falls apart. Oh how I wish that's exactly what will happen to her now. Just fall apart and die sweetly.
Yes, I know I'm being the bad daughter again and most of you should know by now that I really don't give a fuck. Most people are so goddamn self-righteous and they kept on telling me that she's still my mother no matter what yadayada. Yeah, fuck them, they don't understand, how can you treat someone a mother if they never act like a mother to you? The people who are telling me that have a kind, loving and working mother that's why they could never understand what I'm going through. That's why for the most part, I am mum about my hatred towards my mother, I only talk about it with people whom I know will never judge me.
I remember chatting with a good friend who's like 10 years older than me and when I told him about my problem with my mom, I half-expected him to tell me that I shouldn't be like that and so, but I am glad that he totally understands because he said that his father is a verbally abusive prick (his exact words). Damn right, that's what I'm talking about. Someone who definitely knows what I feel because he feels the same way.
Those self-righteous people are forgiven for having such a perfect family and I've learned to never speak to them about being the bad daughter, that' is if I don't wanna be judged and be preached like they're such saints who has lived such perfect lives. The news for you is I'm trying to be good but I still have flaws. Let me be kind to other people, let me do an act of kindness to random strangers but never ever let me love my mother again, because I lost that love way back when I was a rebellious youngster.
Let's go back to her being sick. That's not a good news because that means, she has enough excuse to not to do house chores, to lie in bed all day and to not find a job. Yippee. If she's gonna die then just let her die, puh-leeze. My anger towards her is already getting out of hand. Hey, lemme tell you what else is worse. She's complaining about her eyes, and head hurting, and when you look for her, you'll find her a couple of inches away from the TV. Damn, I thought her eyes hurt? Fuck yeah. It's like she wanna eat the TV just so she wouldn't miss those lame shows. Maybe she doesn't wanna get well? She doesn't wanna give those damn eyes a rest. It's record breaking because she can watch the goddamn TV for 5-6 hours straight.
It's irritating me even more. When does she plan to get well and get a job? I really really really wanna leave this house while she's here, and I've ran out of choices. The only place I can go to now is at my strict aunt's house in Paranaque. It's better to deal with her than pay a huge amount of money for a bedspace in Manila. I'll talk to my aunt soon, but for now, I'll read some stories of daughters who killed their own mother. I told you my anger is far more than what anyone could imagine.
Labels: BITCH. pink crimson, daughter, mother, sick
This is How MUCH I HATE you
10-07-2009 Wednesday
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BITCH. I SURE HOPE IT'S YOUR LAST.Go guess who this post is for. Nope. Guess again.. Nope.. Guess
again.. Ahh fuck off. Blahblah, bitch.
Labels: birthday, BITCH. mother, BITCH. pink crimson, daughter
Wake Me up when September Ends
09-30-2009 Wednesday
Stupid title, eh? Pardon me, I'm just thinking of something fit to say as this month ends and yes, I'm guilty, Billy of Greenday is a long time crush of mine.
I still can't believe how time flies so fast that it seemed only yesterday when I sat in front of this same computer and typed out a blog entry for the beginning of September and now, another month is ending again. Wake up? Well I still feel like I'm in a bad dream. My mother is still jobless and useless at home, okay she does some chores, SOME housechores and she's done, she goes back to sleeping or watching the damn TV. I still want to leave house while my mother is still here. I still want Alex to get away from those fat bitches in the boarding house. I'm still waiting, waiting for something I don't even know what.
Has anyone felt like that? Waiting for something you don't exactly know what is it your waiting for? Reminds me of a song titled Waiting for The World to Change. So am I waiting for that? For this freaking world to change? For what? So that all rich people will be poor and all poor people will rule the world. Yeah, isn't that nice?
It's Wednesday today and I have to go to work later. Damn right, back to that job that takes a lot out of me. I'm really waiting for things to change. I mean, everything's the same everyday. Maybe if my mom will start doing something at home, or start looking for a job instead of waiting as well, maybe then everything will change for the better. Maybe then, I'll start looking at her as a mother again.
As September ends, it means that we're getting closer to the end of the year and I don't want to spend another miserable new year. If you can get the chance to recall the first time I started blogging, which is December of last year, you'll know why my previous new year is miserable. This year, I want to end it happy and peaceful.
Please give my mom a job!!! Can anyone help me? Please. That's the only thing that will make me happy right now.
September ends, some things are changing, some stays the same...
Labels: alex mother, BITCH. pink crimson, greenday, september
Chevonss Homecoming
09-28-2009 Monday
There was a time in my life before when I was underage, couldn't get a job and I was nothing but a worthless piece of shit, and all I did was go out at night and get drunk or, yeah, even stoned. Hey, like I told 'ya that was before, alright? Those days are long forgotten but sometimes, it's nice to relieve those days. Just go out and get wasted, like totally lose your head.
I'm recalling those days when I met up with Meng and Angie earlier at Robinson's. Those two are some of the very few girl friends I have that has a brain damage like I do. Got their brain damaged cause of booze, cigarettes and pots, that's what I mean. We just intend to hang-out but just like before, it always leads us to drink when we feel like talking without booze is getting pretty lame. Come on, you'll feel more at ease talking when you're sipping some ice cold beer paired with a cigarette in one hand.
We each gave our share of money to come up with a sum enough to cover for a pitcher of beer at our usual beer place called Chevonss. It has been awhile also that I stepped back into that place so I feel something close to homecoming and don't ask how I came up with that because I think I'm just really missing the beer too much. We sat at a table near the counter and Meng told me to look around for some guy prospect. I blurted what the hell, and she was like it has happened to them before when they're drinking alone and someone approached them to join and voila, their one pitcher of beer multiplied. That's one way to get more beer if you're totally broke,(oh and if you're a girl) and all you could afford is one miserable pitcher.
I thought that was an excellent idea and I was also mad at Alex because I invited him and he wasn't able to come. Guess why. Well, obviously, he's in good terms with those bitches at the boarding house again that's why they're asking him to do them favors again and again. I was thinking, why is it that a lot of people died cause of the typhoon yet the people worthy of dying are still alive, like those bitches, or my mother for example?
It's also a good thing that Alex wasn't able to come. A few guys from another table has invited us to join them and we acted like we're hesitant but we did join. The sight of their overflowing pitchers of beer are just too tempting. After some brief introductions, we had some friendly chat, and I couldn't help but think how one particular guy is so darn handsome. Haha.
At almost midnight, we decided to call it a night. One guy got our number, (arrggh not the handsome one..) then we went our way. I was slightly dizzy but it all felt good. I haven't felt this way for like, I dunno, maybe a couple of months now. I went home, brushed my teeth, washed my face and I tumbled into bed, then everything else was left behind.
Labels: alex, beer, BITCH. pink crimson, chevonss, drink
About Alex
09-19-2009 Saturday
It must've been hard to be Alex. Imagine having to live in a house where people treat you like they own you. They decide for yourself, they ask you to run a lot of errands for them, they tie your neck with a leash and own you for the rest of your miserable life. I look at those people he live with as opportunistic cynical. Sure, they provided him a house to live in even though he's not related to them and I know he should be forever thankful to them. Still, for me, I don't think that's enough reason for them to own him entirely.
Why are most people like that? They give you a decent house to live in, they give you food to eat, and they think you owe your life to them and they have the right to make you do everything they want to return the favor. Nothing but worthless, narrow-minded bitches, if you ask me.
I hate them for treating Alex that way. I kept on telling him to try his best so he can get a decent job to support himself and rent his own place so he doesn't have to live with them in that hell of a boarding house. Like how much is his soul worth? That small bunk of a double deck bed which costs like how much a month? Php2,000? So that's how much he is worth? I don't think so. A human being is not worth any amount of money. I know he owes a lot to them, but goddamn it, they're holding him in a tight leash.
I kept on thinking about these things while I was on my way home, after meeting with Alex briefly just to lend him a hundred bucks so he can eat. It was past lunchtime and those bitches at the boarding house hasn't fed him yet because of reasons that are unclear in the surface but if you dig deeper, you'll think the same thing I was thinking. They don't care whether Alex eats or not, he's just someone they allowed to stay without paying any rent and that's enough. They were probably thinking that it's not their problem anymore if he gets hungry as long as he continues to do them favors.
When Alex first introduced me to those people at the boarding house, I had a weird feeling that they don't like me and I felt the same way for them. I thought that was really weird considering the fact that I just met them. Now, being with Alex for a couple of months means I have to deal with them more often, I know why I felt that way before. My instincts told me that they may look like good samaritans on the outside, but they're nothing but worthless bitches in the inside. I don't want to give out names though I might've said a name on a previous post, but moving forward, we can all call them Ms. Fat Bitch, and Ms. Lesbo Bitch. Yup, there's just two of them. Mother (Ms. Lesbo Bitch) and daughter (Ms. Fat Bitch).
I feel bad for Alex. Well, I know there are times that he enjoys being with them, and I think he got used to them already but for me, I still want him out of that boarding house for good. I wanted to see how they can manage without him doing their errands and driving for them. Hah. Alex said we could get married and live on our own which to me sounded neat but there are a lot of things to consider. 1. My religion. 2. I just turned 21! 3. I'm not ready.
With all those things to consider, let's opt out his option. That leaves us both to the other option of him getting a decent job wherein he can earn enough money to support himself so he can get his own place and pay for the rent. It's hard getting a job and I understand him that he's trying his best but employers these days seemed to look for college diplomas. Screw them. I only get to finish high school and I have a decent job in a call center where I've lasted for more than two years and I'm still counting.
I want to help him out. If he will stay with Ms. Fat Bitch and Ms. Lesbo Bitch for another year, I will probably confront them if they don't treat him right. Worse comes to worse, I'm gonna punch those faces that's as round as a fat guys ass. Humph!
Labels: alex, BITCH. pink crimson, rent
