Resignation; Another Goodbye
02-09-2010 Tuesday
When I entered the office, two of my teammates are already logged in and they are talking about the thing that is commonly heard lately in this department: Resignation. They momentarily stopped the conversation to greet me, I greeted them back, slumped down in a seat near them and looked at their weary eyes looking back at me.
I cleared my throat,
"So, what's gonna happen to us now?" Tito Raul, the eldest in the team, whom I fondly consider as an 'uncle' figure in our team, simply said that we're about to go our seperate ways. His eyes are red and obviously tired, as if he was dragged out of bed, half asleep, just to go to work.
They were talking about Kuya Reggie resigning and Shine, his wife, following him in a few weeks. They were also planning about their own resignation because things are getting harder than what we can manage or to vulgary describe it, things are getting more and more fucked up each month.
They are pressuring us like hell, we're having dandruffs, headaches, some of us are even becoming impotent due to too much stress and yet we get so little every payday. Honestly speaking, the people who has resigned from this company are in a better place that pays them well for their skills so I was wondering why does the management think the way they do? They believe that we (employees/agents) need them more than they need us, but hell no that's a fucking lie. That's not how a company works. A company is built, employees are hired and it's the employees that make the company grow.
There's no such thing as camaraderie in this company. The longer you stay, the more they took you for granted, they need you to push yourself to the limit, lose your mind trying to make a sale for them to make more money out of you. When they think you have no use for them, they drop you like a hot potato and hire new ones, new employees with a fucking attitude and lesser skills. Damn them. We've been here for years, and yet we're having a hard time reaching the goals, what more for this freaky new hires whose all attitude and no brains? Ok, this doesn't apply to everyone of them, sorry for being harsh. They might find better sellers in these new people but I doubt that the new hires with skills are gonna stay that long once they found out how little they get paid for so much they give up.
I'm staying because I love the team, I love the friendship we have built over the years, and I completely understand my manager when she told us that we're not here to make friends or to build friendship forever clubs, we are here to work, to earn money. That's true, yes, but if we really want to earn more, then we should've resigned a long time ago. If we compare what we're getting now to what the other companies are offering, we can just jump ships anytime, it's that easy.
Working is hard and we take pleasure from working together with good friends, a few laughter every now and then when things get tough, a few hugs of support, a few drops of sunshine amidst an entire evening of gloom. We work and have fun at the same time so even if we get paid the same every payday, we still stay for the heck of it.
Ask anyone in my team, ask them how's the job and they'll say, 'ugh, awful but we're holding on..' then ask them about the team and their eyes will light up and they'll say, 'awesome! they're awesome!' with a foolish smile on their faces. Ask them if they wanna quit, they'll say, 'yeah almost about to quit..' ask them what's making them stay and they'll say, 'the team, the friendship, we're still happy in spite of it all..' Ask me, I'll give the same answers.
Even good things come to an end, we are just trying to deny the fact that we're losing one another but reality is screaming our names now. We have to let go, for real. We have to part ways if we wanna save our asses, if we really wanna earn and get paid the right amount of money for our skills. This department is going nowhere, what's with everyone being unfair and thinking of nothing but money, money and more money.
Everyone's losing hope, my manager has given up on us, we failed as a team performance-wise, there's nothing else left for us here.
As I log in, I could still hear their hushed voices, talking about their plans of resigning, the companies they wanna try out, and all I could do was wonder for myself. When will I resign? I have to hurry up and get a house thru Pag-Ibig before I do that.
I gotta think, I gotta make plans now, before they kick my butt outta here. I think their primary goal now is to kick more butts. What will be left of them? I can only imagine....
Labels: call center, pink crimson, resign, sprint, team, Utah, work
Rock Bottom
02-05-2010 Friday
My relief was shortlived, more or less two weeks and it was followed with more depression. After January ended, I was glad that Jeff decided to stay when he managed to pass 2 consecutive weeks even though I'm still sad that Carlo and Belle still resigned, at least I still have the remaining teammates with me.
Now that it's February, we're still intact, we're still a team, so I'm satisfied somehow in spite of feeling like shit whenever I'm going to work. I am tired, what can I say, really tired I'm just about to hit rock bottom. But then again, there are some pending changes awaiting to ruin my motivation of continuing this job.
Let's start with my manager on the verge of giving us up, she said that this is our last chance to improve our performance as a team and if we fail, then she'll handle a different team and leave us. Hearing her make that decision made me lose hope that things are gonna get better, it has been a bumpy ride for our team, the things that we've been through made us more than a team, I remember my manager saying that, and also, she has told us that as long as we're staying with her, (set aside any plans of resignation for now, that is) we can work together to reach our goal as a team. She didn't say anything about her leaving us, I can't blame her if it's due to too much pressure but it's disheartening to think about what's gonna happen to us if she'll give us up.
What about the staying together crap? What about trying to work it out? I can understand if she's frustrated with us, but we're trying our very best. Non-sales calls are existing, opportunities are also there but certain hindrances are attached to it, we work with diligence, we close a sale in a proper manner, without breaking any company policy. However, from what I can see, they don't appreciate an honest sale, they still look at the numbers, no matter how you made the sale, scammed or not, what matters is that you give them the numbers.
Yesterday, my colleague who was sitted beside me almost processed 10 units in 1 call but being the honest person that she is, she checked first if the transaction will be allowed. Unfortunately, they did not allow it for security reasons. That's it, she gave up the sale that will make her a god to the higher management. My manager said she doesn't need to feel bad, she's proud of our team's integrity, other team can do it but we'll always stick to what's right.
Looking back to what happened yesterday, I am now wondering, what about integrity? Can't they just listen to each and every call we have before giving us a memo that we failed? We may have failed the stats but that's because we follow the rules, we close a clean, non-scam sales. We'd rather give up a good stat rather than put our jobs at risk because of one stupid scam. Now, here's the irony, whether we scam or not, obviously we're still not far from losing our job. Integrity suddenly sounded so bullshit.
Before the shift, I went to the washroom and saw my teammate there. She talked to me about her and her husband's, whose also my teammate, plan to resign. I was surprised, I never thought they would even consider that. They've been with this company for more than 3 years, they were more tenure than me and I am saddened by their decision.
They're leaving. They're giving up. I thought it's just me. Turns out, everyone seemed to be on the same boat that I'm in and we're sinking. Rock bottom, here we come.
Labels: call center, k, pink crimson, resign, sprint, team, Utah, work
Dilemma
02-04-2010 Thursday
I'm pondering quite a few things lately, dillemas, choices, options about everything, remember how the saying goes that the more options you have, the harder it is to decide? Well, in my case, I have very few options and still decision is as hard as it could get.
Work is one thing. During the first few days of this new month, I was able to bounce back from the stinking stats I got last month. I'm still struggling but at least I'm able to reach some of the goals at a given day, which is a relief. It's not a bad thing, it somehow disguised the fact that everything's gonna get harder soon, I have that feeling I don't know why. I'm trying to be optimistic about the whole thing but the sad truth is I can sense that I'm not gonna stay here longer, I feel that I have better opportunities outside this company.
Even without proper education, I believe in my skills, I've learned a lot about this job that I know I can apply elsewhere. I wanted to become something, as much as possible I wanted to start a nice career path in this company where I started but if you guys remember a post I had before about how people get promoted here, you'll know how hard it is when you're not friends with everyone. That's the bad side, there's always politics.
I remember my batchmate who recently resigned because he is well fit to be promoted as a supervisor but politics get in the way and someone else 'less appropriate' got the position. How weird is that? Like I said, that's how it works, be friends with people and it literally pays.
That's why I lost hope in trying to snag a better position here. That's why I'm considering another company who will look more on the potential, not on their circle of freaky friends. Besides, I'm getting tired of my usual routine, it's the same thing every fucking day; I woke up at night, go to work at night, take calls, talk endlessly for hours, go home in the morning feeling stressed, drained and not like myself at all, try to get some sleep then start over. I'm afraid I may have lost the fire completely.
I want..something else. Call center is so damn tiring, other people say that you earn a lot of money for doing such an easy job but they just don't know how much it takes out of you. Money is something that can be earned in any job, a good amount of money is almost worthless if you have your health and well being at stake. I think I may be tired of this type of job.
Problem is, I have very limited options for a job given the fact that I wasn't able to reach college. If I don't need a lot of money every month, I tell you, I'll definitely choose selling stuff in the flea market compared to working in a call center. Sometimes, when I see people working in the mall, or at an amusement park, you know those jobs that earns less than what I'm getting now, I would think that I can trade everything I have just to be working there where there's less pressure and working hours are normal. If only I don't need this money I'm gettting now. IF ONLY.
So, looking for something else means, looking for something comparable to what I'm earning now but as much as possible, something with less pressure and more human treatment. Question is, what choices do I have?
Number two is my choices in life. I wanted to get a rent to own house, I wanted to save money to buy a used car, I wanted to live together with my gramma and my pets. But, how do I make it all happen? The bill in the rehab is enough to consume all of my salary. I'm not able to save, I'm not able to get a house, I'm not able to do anything. I feel like my hands are tied, I feel like it's my own mother who's holding me back from getting the things I want.
I'm still the spiteful daughter, I already know that folks, hate me now while there's still time. I'm sorry I can't help hating her. There's just a lot of things I wanna do and achieve and I know I can do it all if I'm not worrying about her rehabilitation. Had she stayed sane, then I wouldn't be having this problem now.
I've already accepted my resposibility of working for them, of being the only daughter, the only provider for the family, I've accepted that since I started working at the age of 18. Even though I felt as if I grew up way too fast because I had to, I can continue working as long as no one is badly sick in the family. Logically, I know that she's not the one to blame but the bad side of me is insisting that if she is strong enough for us, then she would never have that mental illness in the first place. Even if my father left her for some ugly whore, she could've stayed strong for us. She can't let go or maybe, she refused to let go, evidently she's still holding on to the past that needs to be forgotten.
She's the last thing I'm thinking about. What do I do with her once she comes home? How do I deal with her? Will I ever have my own house if I will shoulder her continous medications after she got out of the rehab? If I give her up, let her go to the province, that means giving my gramma up as well. We already talked and she said she's not leaving her daughter. If I choose to let my mom stay in the province, she'll be going with my mom and I'll be left alone.
It's not that I can't live alone, I just want to have my gramma with me. She has always been there, since I was born and I have loved her more than I love my own parents. I hate the thought of not having her around.
Choices and decisions. One little decision could create a huge impact in my life so I have to be really careful in deciding.
Oh, there's one more thing I almost forgot. Alex. As much as possible, I don't want to include him in my plans because I think he has other plans on his life that doesn't include me. But I can't help myself. I want him to be the one. I can't imagine myself to be with someone else.
I wanted to talk to him about our religion but I can't seem to find the right time to tell him. We've talked before yeah, a light talk, not too serious talk. Everytime I ask him about our relationship, he always say that this is serious and he believes that this is for real, he even introduced me to his family, something that he hasn't done to any of his girlfriends before (hell, I used to not believe in that but his family and friends back in Cavite told me so). If that's the case then, I have to let him know that religion is something that we need to discuss again.
He has an idea of how much I value my religion but I don't think he knows exactly how much it means to me or how important it is in our relationship. I can't be with him if his faith is different than mine. I have to make him believe in what I believe in, not just for us, but most importantly, it's for his own good.
Ok, I've said it all. Sorry if it's a looong post. These are all the things I have been carrying around, a baggage of excessive emotions and thoughts and I have to say that it feels good to share it to this virtual world. Definitely helps lessen the heavy feeling in my chest.
For those who read this post and somehow gave a damn, thank you it's appreciated. For the rest who could've cared less, sorry, the purpose of this blog is not to please. 'Till next time, beautiful ones.
Labels: change, colleague, pink crimson, resign, sprint, team, Utah, work
