Catching up is not easy, I'm beginning to realize that everytime I find a few minutes to sit down and write. What makes it hard is that I barely have time to do that. Things have changed a lot in a matter of days and I also have some catching up to do with these said changes. Just so you know, it still hasn't sink in yet, it is there alright but the truth isn't hitting straight to the gut where I should feel it's presence. Maybe it's too early for that...or maybe I was trying too hard to feel it..maybe it will come when I'm not expecting it.

Looking back on the recent posts I've made so far, I'm now debating if I'm gonna bore everyone with the details of my 2 days stay at the hospital or should I settle with sharing what was going on inside my head during those days. Both details are boring anyway, but you gotta understand I have to write something down, alright? I will choose the latter.

I lie on my side in the hospital bed, still in pain while waiting for sleep to come. I wanted to ask for a stronger painkiller but when I tell the nurses how painful it is, they seem to not really care so I shut my mouth and when I'm not talking, my mind does the thinking. With all of the lights in the ward still on overnight, the nurses checking my vital signs every three hours or so, and the humid temperature in spite of the electric fans blowing from every corner of the big room (Yeah, I can't afford a private ward), I know it's gonna be impossible for me to sleep.

Alex sat beside the hospital bed. My gramma and mom left to rest for the night then come back tomorrow to bring me some decent food (the food on the hospital isn't bad but it's not terrific either) and some clothes to change into. I told him to get some rest but he said he's not sleepy, it looks like he doesn't plan on getting some sleep. O-kaay,

He went to the boarding house earlier to pick up some important stuff that we've forgotten when we rushed here yesterday, like my health card, socks (mom insisted I need a pair), extra cash, and cellphone chargers. When he came back, I asked him if our friends and neighbors were there, he said some of them were and he told them the news. Thinking of our friends in Manila made me sad. Since this is all over, I can now go home to gramma and I'm so happy to be back there but of course, I'll be missing those guys. Even though living on my own in Manila was tough and I get homesick often, those wonderful people helped me get through the rough times. I owe it to them, I wanted to see them, every one of them, before I move back home.

I looked at Alex who was busy recording the stupid sound in the hallway with his cellphone. It's a noise that sounded like the squeak of a basketball player's rubber shoes kissing the floor when they run in the court. He has this boyish smile on his face as he ran up to me and ask me to listen to what he has recorded. I gave him a pained look. He can kill boredom whatever way he wants to,and he looked engrossed in what he's doing to pass time that he didn't care if it made him look silly. Or, come to think of it, he might not be aware of what he looked like, anyway.

Then, I thought if the very last serious conversation we've had. He's gonna come with me? With my mom and gramma? He looked like he meant it but don't all people look like that when they wanna run away from something? In his case, he doesn't wanna be put to jail when I leave him. I think it's better for me to think of it that way rather than hope for us to be together for good.

This thing being over happened too soon. Why we were just talking about it yesterday morning after I got home from work and we haven't come up with a solid plan yet when things turned around only a few hours later.

This could mean goodbye for us. I wanted to talk to him about it, but it doesn't feel like the best time for it, besides, talking makes the pain more intense so I kept my mouth shut and waited for the morning to come.

In conclusion, my time in the hospital was spent thinking and waiting.