Sleepless..again

08-04-2009 Tuesday

I never had much trouble trying to get some sleep before when it's my day off but I think the sudden change of our schedule messed up with my already ruined body clock. From an 11 hour by 4 days schedule, we recently switched to a 9 hour by 5 days and from 11pm-10am, our shift is now 7:30pm-4:30am. Yeah, I know that sounds better since we get off early in the morning but that change can drastically affect your body system since we got used to working till it's almost noontime, and by around 5 in the afternoon, I'm still sleeping like a baby but now, I have to leave as early as that because the damn traffic makes my used-to-be 1 and a half hour ride, to a full 2 hours ride to work.

Traffic is another thing I have to endure. It's rush hour, people are going home from work, students are everywhere in the streets, slowing down the flow of traffic. I already have my license but there's still some stuff that needs to be fixed on my motorcycle which is something Alex is already taking care of so I can't use it until it's in a completely perfect state of being.

Which reminds me of Alex. I think he's part of the reason why I found it hard to sleep last night. Part of me is expecting him to come late at night and beg me not to leave him, just like what he did before. Well, he didn't. Either he's too tired from work, or he's saving it up for today. He said he'll come today to bring my motorcycle here and I learned not to believe until he's here, in the flesh.

Somehow, I feel guilty for saying a lot things I shouldn't have, maybe I'm just too pissed yesterday, maybe I'm tired of him saying things he wasn't able to fulfill, maybe I expect too much. I love him, I cried last night when I thought about what I'll be like if he's gone. I thought about how hard it's gonna be to move on. I thought about how much I owe him for saving me from a heartache before when someone I used to love left me. He was there, he caught me, he kept me whole when I'm about to break into a million pieces. I think that's more than enough reason for me to stay with him. What was I thinking, trying to break up with him? To end something that isn't perfect but still..it's real and beautiful?

I was up until around 3 in the morning earlier thinking a lot of things. My body is telling me to get some sleep but my mind kept on running, not wanting to obey. So now, I'm sleepless again and I have to go to work later. I gotta go buy a couple of instant coffee to bring with me, just to help me make it through.

Sleepless. High on Caffeine. Impulsive brat. Yep, that's me.

Labels: alex, brat, pink crimson, shift, work

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 10:37 PM