Pink Crimson

Licensed Non-Pro

07-30-2009 Thursday

NEED I SAY MORE?

Day 2; Getting that Damn License

07-29-2009 Wednesday

Mr. Fat-Gay Edgar told me to come as early as 8:30 today, with that in mind, I woke up at 5, ate a delicious breakfast prepared by my gramma, took a bath then I began my long journey to LTO Tayuman. Alex told me yesterday that he was asked to drive today so he wouldn't be able to accompany me. Fine, I have to find my way to LTO Tayuman alone.

While I was on the jeepney on my way to Blumentritt, my cellphone beeped. I took it out of my small bag and checked the message. It's from Alex, "Bhie asan ka na po. Daan ka dito sa bahay. Hindi ako natuloy, samahan kita ngayon". I can't help but smile at that so I enthusiastically replied, "Ok, I'm on my way!"

It was already 8:40 when we arrived at LTO and just like yesterday, we headed straight to Window 14. Edgar, looking more casual today than he did yesterday, saw us and gestured us to wait. We sat at the usual blue chairs lined in front of several windows, and waited. Then, Edgar called my name, told me that I'll be taking the actual written exam at the second floor. Okay, I'm prepared for that.

The examination room is a small air-conditioned room, that reminded me of a classroom in my former school New Era. A couple of chairs with wide armrest that serves as a table, are aligned neatly. The walls are filled with posters of road signs and some important reminders when driving. A table is set near the door, where the proctor hands you the questionnare that's freshly printed out from the printer nearby. My bet is that all questionnares are different, that's why you see it being printed out.

After being handed my papers, I sat at a far corner and began answering the familiar questions. It took me a couple of minutes to answer, then I reviewed my answers briefly before submitting the papers back to the proctor. She told me I'm done, I can go down and wait for the result.

Alex asked me how'd it go and I said, "piece of cake, my dear". "hmph.." was all he said and I laughed. I told him I'll just wait for the result and he said "we better tell Edgar you're done, I don't think you'll get your results there, you're an illegal applicant remember?" I pouted, "That doesn't sound good". He gave me that amused look again and laughed.

Sure enough, Edgar was waiting for us at Window 14. He told us that my license will be released tomorrow and it's alright if it's just Alex who'll pick it up. I thanked him for everything and we left. Damn, I thought I could have the license in my hands today.

So that's Day 2. I really hope that Alex can pick it up tomorrow for me, I'm too tired to go back to Tayuman. It's far, and traffic can seriously drain you.

Labels: alex, license, LTO, pink crimson, written exam

Day 1: Steps to Get a License

07-28-2009 Tuesday

Getting a Non-Pro license sounds so damn easy but once you're there, it's always better to be prepared for whatever you might need to complete the process.

First step to get ready is to ask around, ask people who just got a license and in my case, two of my colleagues recently got their Non-Pro license. I asked them what's usually the process for that. First thing they said is prepare money. You might see that on the board outside of LTO it will show that the fee for a Non-Pro license is around 500 bucks but lo, there's more money you need than that. Of course, there will be Medical , some drug test, urine sample etc. and most importantly, they said that on the test drive, I should be prepared to hand some cash on the one who'll assess my test drive. There's a cheat or something on the test vehicle and the only way to pass is to pay their price. Take note, they're not the ones who claim that, a lot of people who has taken the test drive can testify to those cheats. Sigh, the things we'll do to earn extra cash, I shuddered at that thought.

The next step is to get a reviewer for the written exam. This is something that should not be ignored. If you don't pass the written exam, you'll have to wait for a month before you can try again. My colleagues let me borrow their reviewer, which I religiously read over and over. The reviewer gives you all 100 questions and answers but the actual written exam consists of 40 questions.

If you think you're good to go, then head to the nearest LTO office, though if I remember correctly, some LTO offices doesn't support test drives (like the one in Novaliches) so they'll end up referring you to another LTO branch. I went to LTO Tayuman, quite far from where I live, but it's near Alex's and he said he know someone there who can help me get a license without having to do the test drive. Cool.

I woke up late so when we reached LTO Tayuman, it's almost quarter to 4, but the guy whom Alex knew assisted us quickly. They asked me to produce a urine sample, made me sign some stuff, they took my picture, stamp, sign, voila, the guy gave me all this papers and told me to head straight to Window 14 and ask for a certain Edgar. We obeyed.

This guy,err he's gay I think, Edgar, is small, fat and has this gentle smile on his face which probably means that he's glad to see another prospect for his extra service. He took all the papers and asked me to wait. After a couple of minutes, he called my name, gave me a sample written exam questionnare and made me answer it. It's a piece of cake, within a few minutes, I'm done. He checked my work, corrected 3 mistakes and he asked me to go back tomorrow for the actual exam. He said I'll pass for sure, gave us that gentle smile which to me looks like he meant business, and told us how much all of it costs. It's a whooping 1195 pesos. Oh well, gotta pay what you gotta pay.

We left the LTO office after paying that fat gay Edgar, had some early dinner at a nearby Pares House then Alex drove me home. I was tired and sleepy so I dozed off the moment my back made contact with the bed. I felt Alex kissed my cheek before he left but I was too tired to kiss him back.

Off to dreamland.

Labels: alex, license, LTO, Medical, pink crimson

95th Anniversary: Proud to be INC

07-27-2009 Monday

On the outside, I may not look like the most religious person who ever inhabited this cruel world, but trust me, I do have a religion, I'm a christian and I believe in God. Whenever I recount the rebellious days I had before and how bad I was, to the point that I always hurt the people I love, I still couldn't believe that I'm still here, back on the right track. Though not as perfect, I still commit mistakes but at least now, I know how to admit it and learn from it instead of always insisting that I'm right and rebelling when other people disagree.

I have always been an INC member from birth. At a very young age, I joined the children's choir and sang hymns of praises during worship services.Also at a young age, I was a witness on how my parents got separated because of religion differences. My mother chose our religion, my dad chose to leave us behind. At first, I couldn't quite grasp the fact on why it has happened to my family. Instead of having both my parents around, instead of having a good life that my father can provide, instead of probably residing in Canada by now, we are left here, poor average people with a broken family. That's also part of the reason why I used to rebel before. I envy other kids my age who has a decent life and someone to call a father when things get tough. What makes me different from them?

When I look back on those things that has happened to me and my family, I feel a mixed emotions of pain, relief and joy. We may not be rich but you know what, growing up poor made me realize that I have a God beside me, holding my small hands to guide me all the way. I was just thinking that maybe..maybe God made things happen that way so that I'll know how to pray and put my trust in Him. He never failed me.

Most of the times, I feel ashamed when I pray because I feel like I don't deserve all the blessings He has given me, all the second, third, fourth, hundreth chances just so I can correct the mistakes I made and start over. I got tired, pissed, even mad at Him before but He has always been understanding and always ready to accept me whenever I pray and ask for forgiveness. I also realized that I may have lost my biological father when he abandoned us, but silly me, I almost forgot that I still a Father, who watches over me and has always been there for me.

There's nothing that's so special about me that's why to even think that I'm an INC member, who was promised salvation, is definitely a blessing. I don't know what He saw in me to make me His child, to give me the right to pray to Him and call Him my Father but for whatever reason is behind that, I will always treasure being one of the few that He chose.

Like I said, I may not look like the religious type and I rarely talk about religion but inside me, you'll see a girl who's pretty beaten up by trials and hardships and the only reason she's still surviving is the love of God for her. I'm not rich, my family is not rich, matter of fact, we're one of those people who sometimes cry at night, wondering if by tomorrow, we'll still have food to prepare on our table. We're one of those people who's the most angry when prices go up,or when the economy gets worse, yeah we're at the bottom of the food chain but still, I can never complain because I believe, I really do believe with all my heart, that all those hardships has a reward when the Judgement Day comes.

So for all those INC members who happen to read this blog entry, hang in there my brothers and sisters, we're almost at the end of our journey. This is our 95th Grand Anniversary celebration. Let's rejoice, praise our Almighty God and continue to walk, if that wasn't enough then RUN, run towards our most-awaited salvation.

Labels: 95th Anniversary, God, INC, pink crimson, salvation

Happy Birthday, my sweet dear Alex

07-24-2009 Friday

It's a good thing we managed to patch things up between us on this special day for him. I mean, in spite of the pain he caused me, in spite of my eyes still swollen, and my head still aching a bit from pressure at work, I'm able to put aside all of those just to make him happy on his birthday.

He picked me up at 6, after I got out of work and we had breakfast at Jolibee in Zabarte. The breakfast meal came with a free newspaper which I grabbed to check his horoscope for the day just for fun. Nothing was mentioned about his love life so I left it in the far side of the table and munched on my breakfast. I kept on teasing him about being technically 5 years older than me since he just turned 25, while I'm still 20. He'll just smile to that and I'm all but amused.

After that, we went home and I let him stay so we can go the mall later today. I slept while he watched a couple of DVDs. I told my gramma before going to sleep that it's his birthday and surprise, when I woke up at around 2 in the afternoon, the smell of spaghetti drifted in the air. I'm glad that my gramma prepared something for him. I really want to make this day special since we're the family he have to celebrate his birthday with. I can't imagine myself being away from my family on my birthday that's why I want him to feel that he hasn't missed out on anything even though his actual family who's all in Cavite can't be with him on this day.

At around 4:30, we went to SM Fairview. I gave my gift to him that I wrapped myself but I told him to not open it until he's home. We checked out some motorcycle in the mall and when I saw the pink Mio upclose, I fell in love with it. God, I wish I could get that on my birthday that's 2 months away. Wish I may, wish I might. Look at that baby..

Well, I love our current baby, Wave Alpha so I'ma stick with it for now. Besides, the Mio costs a fortune! Pfft.

My dear sweet Alex just celebrated his birthday and I never felt more in love with him as we continue to count the days we spend together. I'm happy that I made him happy today even though my leave for this day wasn't approved, we just made the most out of the time we had together during the day.

Happy Birthday, lovelove. I love you much. xoxo

Labels: alex, Honda Alpha, mio, pink crimson

White Lies-Muted Pain Pt.2

07-23-2009 Thursday

8:00pm

I just logged in and since it's too early for those childish, spoiled Americans to call us, I wanted to take this time to continue my story on where I left it yesterday. Comfy swivel chair-check. A tall cup of hot chocolate-check. My colleagues form a circle near me, as they discreetly share some latest gossip about other people on the floor. On an ordinary night when I don't have anything to write, I'll definitely join them but right now, I feel like zoning out, being on my own, hunched on my own station as I relieve the things that has happened which made an impact on my relationship and trust with Alex.

Monday: 7-20

I'm a total wreck with all these tears on my face, my nose red and filled with snot, my eyes swollen I can barely see what's ahead of us as we drive away. I can't stop myself from having a crying fit. I was worried sick awhile ago, thinking of horrible things I thought has happened to my dear sweet Alex. I thought of losing him, and it hurts to think that if ever that happened I'll definitely live the remainder of my life blaming myself. I was relieved to see Alex, to be with him again yet I couldn't bring myself to stop crying because I'm still in the aftermath of traumatic thoughts, blame it on my morbid imagination.
[That led me to skip work that night. I had to make up stories about my gramma being sick blah blah blah. I know it'll make my manager mad at me but I just couldn't go to work like this. I may be there physically but inside I'll be empty.]

We went to MOA instead, and talked on the bay side. I'm still crying, telling him how he had me worried and he put my job in jeopardy again. Being late is a big NO NO in our job. I know I have a couple of attendance occurence already so I couldn't risk making those numbers go up, besides, I also lost my chance in getting the perfect attendance incentive. Dammit. I know I only made it worse by being absent but as of this time, I couldn't think of anywhere else I'd rather be but here, with him.

He argued with me telling me that I should've asked him first what happened before throwing a fit like that. "Ok" I said I'll listen, 'what happened?"
"My license was confiscated the day before right, all I have is the ticket of my violation. There's a checkpoint in Nova. They wouldn't let me go at first but since the ticket was issued in Quezon City, they said it's okay." he explained.
"Well, you should've texted me! I was worried!" I said.
"I don't wantyou to worry." he reasoned out.
I'm getting mad again, "We've had this issue before! I told you to tell me everything that's happening to you, the less I know, the more I worry! Is it that hard to send me a message?"
"How can I send a message if I'm driving!" he shouted at me.
"Fuck you!" I couldn't stop myself from cursing out loud. People nearby stared but I don't care. "Fuck! Are you still driving when they caught you at the checkpoint! Fuck you! We're through! I'm done with you!" and that night, I fucking mean it.

The thing is, just like before, he has a way with me. He wouldn't let me break up with him. I don't know how he does it but when we had dinner at this inexpensive resto, seeing his amused look (eyebrows up as he scanned the surrounding), I'm no longer mad at him. For the first time that night, I smiled.

[I thought the pain is over but I wasn't prepared for what's gonna come next.]

I sat outside the house where Alex stays as he went somewhere to pee. His cellphone was in my hand as I listened to some random radio station. Feeling bored and sick with the lame songs they play on the radio, I just turned it off and browsed some of his messages instead. I saw a couple of messages from me and some from Ate Weng and Ate Mench (the folks he live with).

7:20pm Ate Weng: Lex, san ka na?
7:25pm Ate Weng: Puntahan mo na ko dito.
7:29pm Ate Mench: Daanan mo na si Weng, Lex.
7:45pm Ate Weng: Wait lang ha.

The messages didn't really bother me, what bothered me was the time it was received. Curiosity got the most out of me again, I browsed the sent messages:

7:21 pm: Ate Weng hatid ko muna si Mami. Babalikan kita.
7:30 pm: Papunta na po ako.
7:32 pm: Nasa Sauyo na po ako, maulan eh silong muna ko.
7:43 pm: Te, san ka na nandito na ko. 7:50 pm: Nasa labas ako.

The message that was sent 7:32pm was for me. He told me he was in Sauyo when the truth is he was somewhere else, picking up Ate Weng on her never ending errand. The truth hit me hard. He lied. While all I did was wait for him at 7-11, worrying my ass off, and risking my job. I remembered the times when he was also late, and he would reason out that he was caught on a checkpoint, or the tire was busted, etc. I came to the realization that all those are lies as well. He wasn't just late because of some forces of nature or bad luck, he was late because they ask him to run a few errands for them and I was stupid enough to believe him.

When he came back, I stared at him, feeling the tears welling up again.

"What?" he asked.
"You lied." I said through clenched teeth, "You goddamn bastard, you lied to me!"
"What are you talking about?"
"How could you, you bastard!!" I'm crying again. Damn. I look ugly with swollen eyes, that's not cute.
"Calm down, what are you saying?" at first he couldn't get it but his eyes fell to my lap where his cellphone lay. "Let me explain."
"We're through. Just let me go, please."
"Let me explain. You'll understand me when you're in my situation. I'm trying to divide my time between you and them. If only I can divide myself in half. I just don't want either of you mad at me." he explained, trying to hug me.
"You lied. Don't you get it? You lied to me! I thought you were different. If you can lie about these things, what more for those other things that matter most? What else are you hiding from me?" I cried out, punching his chest with my clenched fists.

Lies hurt. What difference does it make if it's a white lie? Part of it could be my fault because I'm vocal about my dislike with the way they always ask him a lot of favors that we had to give up some of our time that we should've been together. Yeah. Maybe I forced him to lie. I know I'm too demanding and I guess this is where it led me.

He begged me to give him another chance. I wanted to just let him go. I said he could go back to his life before he met me but he said there's nothing to go back to. He can no longer what his life was like before I came. He said he loved me so much he wouldn't give up on us just like that. One more chance. His birthday is this Friday, he said the best I could give him is another chance and he'll never lie again.

I'm not sure, I said I think I need time to think about it. But my defenses fell as he took me in his arms when we lay side by side on the top bunk of the bed on the boarding house. I asked him how will I ever trust him again? He said he'll earn it again, he promised, and that promise was sealed when his head went down to kiss me.

11:25 pm

I snapped back to the present time when another call came. Gee, it's too early yet calls are starting to eat us up again.

Well, we didn't broke up. I gave him another chance. Tomorrow is his birthday so giving him another chance isn't that hard, besides, I love him that much. Let's just see how he'll live up to his promise.

Labels: alex, americans, lies, pink crimson, work

White Lies-Muted Pain Pt.1

07-22-2009 Wednesday

12:20am

One of the hardest thing I have to endure in the kind of job I have is that no matter how fucked up or broken I feel inside, I still have to act as if I'm completely fine, worse, I have to sound so lively over the phone when all I wanna do is sit alone, hug my knee so I can rest my chin on it and just bawl. This is one of those days when I wear this translucent mask over my face here at work, not because I want to, but because I have to.

In spite of being here, physically at work, taking everlasting calls, my mind is completely elsewhere. What happened yesterday and the day before kept on repeating inside my head, God, the thoughts are so vivid I could've sworn it's like watching a movie in front of the big screen. I don't know how I'll start to explain everything because honestly, I'm still consumed with those thoughts I can't put into words. Oh Jeez, I need to at least try, maybe it'll lessen the weight of these things on my chest.

OK..

Monday:07-20

'He should be here by now..' I thought to myself as I stood in front of 7-11 in Zabarte where I'm supposed to meet Alex. I kept on checking my cellphone. No message. I reviewed the message he sent earlier, he said he's already in Sauyo when it started to rain hard so he has to stop for awhile. It's no longer raining and Sauyo is like 10 minutes away with a motorcycle so I was wondering what's keeping him.

I looked around me, trying to ignore the group of street kids that huddle on the corner, busy with God-knows-what. I'm not usually cautious nor bothered with dirty little kids high on cheap drugs but the way these street kids look at me made me feel uneasy. I was just wondering if they're considering to rob me or what but I'm not scared at all, thanks to the Police car parked just across the street. Where the hell are the parents of these kids anyway? Fuck, I don't really care, what I care about is where the hell is my boyfriend because I'm running late for work.

8:15.Shit. My shift starts at 9. I'm already sweating inside my favorite pink shirt. I'm also starting to get pissed. 8:25. I'm on the verge of crying. What if something happened to him? It's dark, it rained, the roads are slippery, the motorcycle..Oh God please not that. Don't let that happen. What's gonna happen to me if he's gone? The thought of it alone was so heartbreaking that I started to feel tears welling up in the corners of my eyes.

I started to pace around, thinking if I should just go to work but what will I do with this heavy helmet wrapped in my jacket? I thought of calling work to say I can't make it today then go home but if I do that, I'll never find out what happened to Alex. If I stay here and wait for him, what now?

The answer finally came. The moment I saw him pulled up beside the street, I ran up to him, climbed behind him on the motorcycle and cried. He looked alarmed, he kept on asking me why but I didn't answer his question. 'I'm done, take me home I want to go home, and leave that motorcycle.' I said, still crying out loud. 'No you're going to work.' was all he said and we sped away. Away from the 7-11 store and away from the grubby looking street kids whom I believe that their future has ended even before it even begin.

2:15 am

One call after the other. The peak hours of my shift has arrived and with these Americans nagging, whining, complaining and all those childish things you can think of just to get what they want from their wireless carrier, it'll be hard for me to concentrate on what I'm writing so I better save the rest of my story for tomorrows post.

Goodbye blog.
Hello Hello Sprint world. [You can click the hyperlink so you can see the web page I usually view when I'm at work.]

Labels: alex, americans, motorcycle, pink crimson, sprint, work

After a Boring Weekend

07-20-2009 Monday

My weekend was as boring as it could get that's why I didn't bother posting a separate entry for Saturday and Sunday when I can simply summarize everything that happened, or didn't happen, on one short paragraph. Told ya it's boring. But anyway, for some who might take time to read, uhh let's see...

Saturday:

I woke up at 7am. Yeah, goodbye to those days when I used to wake up just in time for lunch. I stayed in bed until around 8, just listening to the hymn of the worship service for children being held on the church that's just a stone's throw away from us. As I listen, I reminisce the times when I used to be part of that choir for children. Ahh, the good, innocent times of my childhood. That was waay back..way back when life was so easy that it made me cringe to think about the shallow things that used to make me cry. You really wouldn't know how old you've grown until you start to realize how easy your life used to be.

When the worship service was finished, I dragged my lazy ass to the kitchen and prepared my breakfast. I don't usually eat breakfast but I have to, since I still have some medicines to take. After swallowing the hot chocolate, a few butter-flavored toasted bread and some antibiotics, I faced my computer and played this game I just installed (thanks to Raymond, my brother from anotha mother). That's enough to consume a couple of hours so when I finished, it's almost time for lunch.

I can't blame you if you're bored while reading this, that's exactly how I felt during the weekend. Wait, there's more:

Sunday:

My mom came home. She and my gramma were talking a bit loud, excitement I guess, so I woke up to the sound of their voices. Sunday morning, I did the usual routine very similar to what you've just read for Saturday entry: ate breakfast, swallowed antibiotics, played in the pc.

Sunday afternoon, I decided to break the habit. I took a bath, went to the flea market and bought a gift for Alex. My mind, after being beaten up from thinking, was finally made up of the present I'm going to give him. To be honest, I know a lot about what Alex might want but he's just one of those people you find a hard time giving the right present. People like that are either 1.) filthy rich that has everything already or 2.) not-so-rich; usually satisfied with what they have and doesn't wanna wish for anything else. Alex is categorized as no. 2.

In spite of that, I still wanna give him something, you know. I kept it simple, I made sure that it's something he'll use most of the time and something that doesn't consume space. Three pairs of boxer shorts. Heh heh. He's one of those guys who works out a lot and has developed some muscles, that he usually walks around with nothing but a pair of tattered shorts. Sometimes I ask him if his body is not as toned as it is now, I wonder if he will still have the guts to be seen half-naked, to which he'll simply react with a naughty boyish grin that'll make my defenses crumble down.

That summarizes my entire weekend. My motorcycle was not with me since it's acting up and something needs to be fixed. That was another bummer.

Let's now go back to this day. Monday.

Alex surprised me by coming to our house early. I was a bit mad at him yesterday for not texting even though I know he has sufficient load. I can only confront him over the phone but whenever he's around, like today, I would melt and forget about the whole thing. He has a way with me and I hate that sometimes.

It's a gloomy day. The sky looks like it's gonna rain any minute so we spent the day at home, watching DVD and eating anything we can find on the fridge. I sat beside him, his arms wrapped around my waist while his eyes are hooked on the TV screen. I glanced up at his face, thinking how those boxer shorts will look on him and everytime he caught me staring at him, he would have this confused look on his face and I'll just smile.

For us girls, we like it when boys are the one clueless. :)

Labels: alex, love, pink crimson, storm

The Storm and my License

07-17-2009 Friday

I'm supposed to get my Non-pro license today but the continuous downpour of heavy rain combined with the howling wind left most streets in the Metro flooded, causing people out in the road to be stranded, therefore, it was later announced that classes were suspended, as well as government offices, that includes LTO. Bummer. Just when I'm armed (with the reviewer) and ready to get that precious license, the weather decided to interfere with my plans.

After Alex dropped me off at home, it started to rain really hard so he decided to stay. There's nothing left to do when it's raining cats and dogs outside, riding the motorcycle is also a no-no unless you wanna look like some wet idiot whose purpose in riding is to show-off how your bike is all shiny and shit. We watched some movies, we played game in the pc, surfed the internet and occasionally, *blushes, made-out. Not much, though, my gramma is there too so we're really careful with that. Hahaha.

Around 3 in the afternoon, while my gramma watched her favorite afternoon drama on TV, Alex fell asleep on the floor beside my bed. I looked at his peaceful face and smiled to myself, thinking how lucky I am to have him, and how deep our relationship has become. I never expected this from him, but this is already happening. I just hope, like I always did (I know I've said this countless times already but I mean it), that this is something for the long haul. I know I've told myself I might never marry someday because I prefer being alone but who knows, when the right someone comes to sweep me off my feet then it's enough to forget I even said that.

That's just about it. It's a boring day but heck, at least, it's not one of those days when my thoughts are completely drained.

Labels: alex, license, love, LTO, pink crimson, storm

Perfect Night

07-16-2009 Thursday

9:37pm

It's a rainy night, thanks to the storm that hit the upper region of the country. It's raining everywhere in spite of not having a storm signal. The roads are wet and slippery, the wind blows a chilling air, the rain continues to pour as the people selling stuff on the sidewalk struggle to pack their things together and call it a night. I'm riding the jeepney, looking outside the window, observing the busy streets of Quezon City. I'm on my way to Quezon Ave. to meet my colleague, Raymond.

I'm thankful that my leave for this day was approved, the storm is enough to make you not go to work and just bundle yourself under a thick blanket. The only reason why I'm headed towards Quezon Ave is because Raymond asked me to swap broadband cards for awhile. I'm using a Smartbro, he's using Sun Cellular and he's pissed with the slower than DSL connection. Of course, I wouldn't agree to meet up with him if that's all he need. I'm on leave so I'd rather stay at home and sleep. Well, let's just say he did a pretty damn good job in convincing me. His Sun prepaid is loaded with 21 hours of internet, he'll lend me a couple of game installer for my pc, plus he'll treat me to McDo for dinner. Who could resist an offer like that?!

Needless to say, I agreed so here I am. I got off the jeep, walked slowly on the slippery overpass, clutching my umbrella tightly to prevent it from being blown away by the angry wind. When I reached McDo, Raymond is already there. I told him what to order and he jokingly said that with the appetite I have, he'll probably be broke if this happens regularly. I laughed at that and took a seat.

We talked while we ate fatty foods; suuper Fried Chicken,ice cold Coke Float, and greasy French Fries. Ahh, I can already imagine the carb I'm loading inside my stoamch. He gave me instructions on how to install the games he lend me. I'm half-listening to him as I munch on a delicious fried skin, bathing in rich brown gravy. Raymond is nice, he's like a big brother to me, and I'm a little brother to him. Yeah, he usually forgets that I'm a girl.

After eating, we parted ways since he has to go to work and I decided it's a bit late to go home so I rode the jeepney that will take me to Blumentritt Espana.

11:23pm

Alex picked me up at 7-11 that's just around the corner from where he lives. He looked amused like always,puts an arm around my shoulder and we walked with our heads bent under the umbrella that's being blown by the wind.

He gave me a large t-shirt to wear and a pair of shorts that looked like he's been wearing it since he was 7. The borders are already asleep by the time we entered the room so I tiptoed across and slowly climbed up at the top bunk of the double deck bed. Alex took a bath before following me.

To end the perfect stormy night, I fell asleep in his warm embrace, inhaling the fresh afterbath scent of his skin and I completely forgot all about the storm outside.

Labels: alex, love, pink crimson, storm

Game Shows on TV are Crap

07-15-2009 Wednesday

I feel a little better today so I've no choice but to get back to work later, hoping that the medications I'm taking are enough to help me last a day at work. My temperature's been stable for the last 12 hours, good, I'm healthy again.

As I sit here in front of the computer, the TV blares beside me since my gramma is watching her favorite evening news. I barely heard the sound coming from the TV, I decided I'll finish updating this blog before slouching on the bed to watch. I also like watching the evening news, even though most of the time, the news is all the same, murders, thief, crimes, etc. Still, it's more amusing to watch compared to those so-called teledramas that most average people have come to love for reasons I can never tell.

I caught a glimpse of one news that made my stomach sick. No, it's not about someone raping an underage girl, or someone being ran over by a truck, it's much worse than that. The prize of 3 million pesos was won on the popular tv gameshow Hole in the Wall. Guess who won? Those former Starstruck idiots who's claim to fame is their good looks and nothing else. What's that all about?!

I have very strong sentiments when it comes to rich people getting richer by winning on some lame game show. Isn't it enough that they're already filthy rich? It sickens me to think that a game show will give millions of pesos to someone who can actually earn it overnight. Ok, that might be an exaggeration but point is, they don't need the goddamn money.

I leaned closer to the tv as Mark Herras was asked what he'll do with the money. He answered, 'ohh it'll be for the house.. blah blah blah'. Right, like how many house do you plan to have? Do you plan to have twice as much as you need while other people consider the sidewalk as their house? 3 million pesos in the hands of unworthy shitheads? No wonder why the economy in this country is stinking bad.

It makes me sick. Sicker than I felt when I was struggling with the fever. The sickness I feel now is worse than that.

Fuck Hole in the Wall.

Fuck those starstruck bastards who seriously don't even know how to act.

Fuck those crappy game shows.

3 million? Stop shitting us, poor people are not as dumb as you think.

Labels: Hole in the Wall, Mark Herras, pink crimson, TV gameshows

The Essence of Being Sick

07-14-2009 Tuesday

Things didn't turn out as I planned them yesterday. For one, I wasn't able to go to SM Fairview. Two, I wasn't able to go to work that night because I spent the entire evening at Bernardino General Hospital, a Philhealth accredited hospital filled with stupid people wearing white gown. They call themselves nurses/pharmacists, I call them stupid.

When I got home after getting my hair straightened, I ate my lunch, brushed my teeth, and planned to take a nap before going to SM. I lie in bed, fell asleep and when I woke up at around 5, I have a fever again. My gramma got worried since I've had the fever since Friday, so she said we need to go to the hospital.

We arrived at Bernardino Gen. around 6:30. I was assisted the moment we got there. A goodlooking nurse took my temperature, which is a bit awkward cause he had a hard time shoving the thermometer in my armpit, then he checked my blood pressure, asked me about my fever blah blah. I gave him brief answers and he casually wrote it down on my records. He told me to wait for my name to be called and he went to assist another patient.

Boy, we did wait. He should've gave us a heads up that when they say wait, the timeframe for wait is at least an hour. We sat on the long green chairs that lined the hallway. It was tiring enough to see people walking around, people shuffling their feet or twiddling their thumbs as you sit beside them on that long chair, and it was unpleasant to smell the whiff of sickness in the air. For me, the smell inside a hospital is always associated with being sick. Waiting in line to be treated by a doctor is another thing. It will just worsen the patient's condition, ask anyone who went to that hospital.

At exactly 7:30pm, my name was finally called. The doctor, in a peculiar way, looks like the goodlooking nurse who assisted me when I first came in or maybe it was just caused by my fever or the fact that I didn't wear my contact lens so I don't have the clearest vision that night. He did the usual check-up, asking of questions, and so so then concluded that I need to get my blood and urine checked just to be sure since I've had the fever since Friday. Good thing it was all covered by my Medicard; these are the times when I'm really thankful for my job benefits.

Again, we waited for the Laboratory folks to call my name. It took us another couple of minutes, sitting on that green chairs that make me sick just by looking at it. I thought hospital stuff are supposed to be white? Blankets, beds, tables? So what's up with the seaweed green line of chairs on the long narrow hallway? It hurts my head more to think.

Finally, a small lady in a pink (Honest, it's pink) nurse gown called me from the Laboratory room. I got up and walked towards her, my gramma trailing behind me. She was asked to wait outside as the nurse started preparing the needle. Oh how I hate having to be taken a blood sample. As the needle pricked my skin, I looked away and I caught sight of a poster on the wall which said " Save lives, Donate Blood. July 22, 2009 Bernardino Gen. Hospital". 'Huh' I thought to myself, 'Mock me, I'll never donate a blood. It's enough to have a few taken from me so I'll pass'. After that, they let me pee on a small plastic cup and I'm done.

The laboratory results came out after almost 45 minutes of irritating wait. That was around 10:00pm. The lady in pink handed me the results and told me again to 'wait for my name to be called.' I heard her clearly when she told me to wait because I will be called again.

And again, we waited. My gramma is starting to feel dizzy, seeing all those people walk in and out, and having to smell combined scents of sweat, medicine, and strong perfumes. I was getting frustrated of having to sit and wait. I stood up, walked around, making sure my feet were dragging to show how pissed I am at everyone on that crappy hospital. My gramma decided to ask another nurse to check if my records were already inside and behold! We're supposed to hand those results back inside after we got it and not fucking wait with those papers in our hands. Now, here comes the good part, we wasted an hour waiting for nothing.

We were particularly mad at that small bitch in pink nurse costume. This is her fault. How can someone be so stupid to work at that place?

Even though we're tired of waiting and pacing around that stinking hallway, we have no choice. We needed to know the results and I need to get a medical certificate since I can no longer come to work.

The laboratory result showed there's nothing wrong with me, just a couple of low blood something. The doctor didn't explain it in jargon but I was too tired to understand anything. All I know is that I need to take a couple of antibiotics and cough/cold relief and I will be good as new.

That long night ended with both me and my grandma still fuming and cursing the laboratory bitch. We were home by 11:45pm.

Conclusions for the day:
a.) I'll never go back to that hospital again.
b.) Not everyone who wears a nurse gown is useful to a patient, some of them is just a pain in the ass.

Labels: Bernardino General Hospital, hospital, nurse, pink crimson

Early Bird Gets the Most Eyebags

07-13-2009 Monday

Here comes the most dreaded habit of my body; waking up early. I went to bed last night after disconnecting my prepaid internet connection, turning my good 'ol computer off and kissing it nightie-night, sweet dreams. That was around 10:30 in the evening. I fell asleep the moment my body made contact with the bed.

4:26 am

I was still sleepy but still, I woke up, feeling the need to pee and drink some really cold water. I was debating on whether to give in to what my body is craving to do or disregard it and just go back to sleep. I gave in, so in spite of feeling lightheaded, I got out of bed, went to the bathroom, finished my business there then opened the fridge to grab the bottle of mineral water. The cool water made it's way down my throat and after swallowing a few more gulps, I returned it, feeling satisfied, I closed the fridge and headed back to the room quietly, to not wake Damien up who's sprawled on the floor underneath the dining table. When I was back in bed, I thought I could easily fly off to Dreamland but surprise, the cold water woke up every nerve in my body and I couldn't sleep again. I covered my head with my most comfortable pillow, the large, fluffy one with a Pocahontas design. I must've spent another thirty minutes or so tossing and turning in bed until I finally fell asleep again.

6:10 am

Good morning, early bird, guess what I'm awake again. I looked outside the window and saw that the early rays of the sun are starting to peek from the clouds. 'Great' I murmured, hugging my Pocahontas pillow. This time, I couldn't fall asleep again. I felt my cat, Natalie, sharing the blanket with me and I let her. Again, I spent the next thirty minutes trying to sleep but when I saw the time on my cellphone is already 6:40, I gave up. With a long heavy sigh, I got out of bed and faced the computer monitor. What else to do? Update blog? Yeah I'm at it now. What's next? Play Insaniquarium. Ok, then what? Well, playing Insaniquarium takes me more than an hour so I guess by 8, I'll drive my motorcycle to the parlor so I can have my hair straightened. My hair is short alright, but it's in all directions now and what better way to tame this mane? The answer is already given.

Oh I almost forgot, I also need to go to SM Fairview later to buy Damien's heart vitamins that he should take every month. Hmmm, then maybe I can also deposit the money needed for my online transaction. I purchased two second hand books and I need to get 'em now. I just finished reading the 2 inch thick book Bag of Bones from Stephen King and now I'm without something to read again. Boring! Well, I guess I have a couple of errands to do anyway so I better get going.

Blog update: DONE
Next: Insaniquarium.

Labels: Damien, Insaniquarium, motorcycle, pink crimson

Love

07-12-2009 Sunday

*A duplicate date in a blog entry isn't bad, is it? Pardon me, I have to type as inspiration strikes.

9:01pm
'Hush now, be silent' he whispered.
'I'm listening lovelove.' And I mean it.
I meant those words more than anything I've said before now.
Silence. No sound except for the pounding of our hearts,
beating in the same rhythm.
Together. Intertwined.
The sweet taste of love making it's way towards every vein inside my flesh.
I drowned in the moment.
Savored the feeling with eyes closed.
Yes, it is silent. But the sound of my beating heart is deafening.
It's like every pain is thrown away.
Every wound is healed.
I'm someone new, because of him.
I reached out my hand blindly.
He grabbed me out of the blackhole I was in.
I am thankful that his love found me at the right time.
'I love you, lovelove..'
He smiled that naughty boyish smile I've come to love, 'I love you more.'

Love. I now believe, that it is really the greatest feeling in the world.

Labels: alex, love, pink crimson

Status: SICK

07-12-2009 Sunday

I honestly can't recall the last time I had a fever so high that my head hurts so bad I feel like it's gonna split into two pathetic pieces and my brain will just spill out, scattering red slimes on the floor. Did I sound too gore? Sorry, I can give you two reasons for that 1.) That's just me, 2.) Seriously, that's how I felt.

Today, I sit in front of the computer, typing this, sweating from every pore of my skin, I felt quite alright compared to what I felt yesterday when I had a fever. It started when I got home from work last Friday afternoon. Upon waking up Friday evening, I felt better, the fever was gone but yesterday evening it was back and the pain in my head is almost unbearable. Sweating can really cool down your body when you have a fever. I don't know how that works, but it's effective to me everytime I sweat, it will kick out the fever and I'm good as new.

Aside from being sick, another reason why I'm only able to update my blog during my day-off (if you'll notice) is because I concentrate on my goals when I'm at work. When I don't have a call, I give my mind a rest instead of pouring out what's left inside by typing a journal entry. Besides, I'm also drained when I'm at work that I simply ran out of things to write. I'm dead serious in hitting my goals for this month. I mean, I'm a sales agent, sales is a numbers game. The more I sell, the more money I make and I desperately need more money, what's with the rent to pay, electricity bill, and the list goes on. The cost of living seemed to increase as each day passes by and no other person can notice it better than the ones who struggle to make a living every fucking day. Let the rich people disregard the welfare of the society, as long as their bed is still made up of money, they're fine.

God, I'm still sick as a dog even though my fever has gone down. I hate being sick, I can't go out, I'm bedridden, I feel useless. It's a hot July afternoon and like I mentioned, I'm sweating like a pig and sniff, stinking a bit but I don't care, if this is what it takes for me to feel better. I wanna go out since I have gained custody of my motorcycle for this weekend and my best friend Vanessa just texted me, inviting me to take her for a stroll later. Later, when the goddamn sun is not so burning hot. I agreed, hoping my fever has completely left me for good.

Now about my beloved Alex, I texted him asking him to come today so we can have one tire of the motorcycle changed, since we usually experience having a flat tire and it's getting inconvenient, not to mention exhausting. Surprisingly, even though it's a weekend he doesn't seem to have to drive those people over there somewhere. He said he want to but he doesn't have the money to commute. Oh well, good thing I have Vanessa later so I wouldn't feel so bad if he couldn't make it. I simply replied that it's okay, he doesn't need to bother, I have things to do anyway.

2:39 PM. The blinking digital clock beside me reminded me that I have to take a warm bath in a couple of minutes, clean my toenails (it's starting to look monstrous), and watch some afternoon TV show before getting ready to fetch Vanessa at her house, where I used to live close by.

That's it for now.. I guess..

Labels: alex, fever, pink crimson, sick

Sentimental Shit

07-08-2009 Wednesday

Why is that boys are not so into sentimental value of things? Do they think that it makes them less of a guy if they're too sentimental about something? Boys aren't dumb but sometimes, they act as if their brains are only a quarter of what girls have.

Up until now, I'm still pretty pissed at Alex. We had another fight yesterday, not major yet it's enough for him to leave my motorcycle devoid of fuel on our front gate, and commute on his way home without bothering to say goodbye to me or my grandma. Yeah, he's also pissed when he left.

What happened was, I earned some give aways at work. A huge umbrella, and 2 body bags. My manager told me that I can give my boyfriend the other body bag, and I smiled at the idea, remembering his torn knapsack he used to bring. He was late to pick me up but I tried to keep my cool, thinking he'll be glad to have a new bag. When we arrived at the house, I was all smiles as I handed him the bag. Imagine my surprise when his eyebrows crossed, gave me this weary look as if I'm handing him a wooden cross to carry on his shoulders and he said, "What's that for? I couldn't use that, I have no more room for that at home."

I stood still wondering if that's supposed to be a joke. It wasn't. I couldn't believe that he wouldn't even bother to be more gentle when he rejected my present for him, moreover, I was also sad because there I was trying to please him, trying to think of what I'll give him on his birthday that's coming near when in fact, he doesn't even give a damn about what I've worked hard for to get. I was thinking, if he rejected this bag, what more if I hand him his real present on his birthday come July 24th. I was angry at him, I cried and he tried to calm me down, apologized a dozen times but still, I can't just accept the fact that I was rejected.

He tried to hug me, kiss me, said sorry while I kept pushing him away, and at one point, even slapped him on the face. I guess that did it. He stood up, threw the key of my Alpha on my bed, and stormed out of the house. I couldn't cry anymore when he left. I closed my eyes, too tired to even remember what we're fighting about in the first place, and drifted away.

What I'm really mad about is Alex didn't even think of the sentimental value that bag has. I've worked hard for it. It's a giveaway to those who exceeded the given parameters at work. It may be cheap, not so fashionable or whatever but it mattered to me. It's something I earned that I wanna share with him and he's all but insensitive about the whole thing. Why is it that the guy vocabulary seemed to lack the meaning of sentimental value?

I meant to reconcile with him, of course, it's just one of those petty fights we always have every now and then. For now, I want him to think about what he did to me and I want him to appreciate the simple things I'm doing for him. He said he does appreciate, well, yeah but for a girl like me who wants all the best, I'm expecting more from the guy who said I meant the world to him.

Labels: alex, pink crimson, sentimental

Here Comes July

07-06-2009 Monday

Tell me it ain't July yet. Oh, it is? My, my, pinch me I must be dreaming. Time flies fast when you barely give it a second glance.

I've been consumed this past few days with struggling to keep my stats at work up and above the goal but I realized it's really hard to cram when the month is about to end. Lesson learned: Don't file a leave for more than a week at the beginning of the month. It makes your mind think about the vacation when you should be thinking that it's the start of the new month and you should focus on selling, selling, selling. Remember that I started June with a weeklong vacation? A vacation I very much needed, but looking back, vacation leaves should be filed at the end of every month, instead.

Since it's the start of July, I was focused with work especially now that we're on a high queue during the first few days of the new month. God, it was tiring like hell. One call after the other and the worse thing is that not every call is a sale, and for us Sales Agent whose performance is based on the number of sales we convert divided by the calls we received, we pretty much lose when they bombard us with crappy calls. We don't have much of a choice anyway. Whoever made that basis to determine our skills as sellers is a total shithead who doesn't deserve all the money he's getting from his cashcows which are us, the agents, who else.

That's also part of the reason why it took me a few days to update my blog. With all the calls we're getting, I don't have a few minutes to spare to open that little notepad on my pc and begin typing away some entries for this blog. I don't even have 2 minutes to stand up and get some hot water for my coffee! That's what a happens when we have a high volume of calls for the day. Almost 10 hours of talking non-stop and the only time that we can catch our breath or sip our hot coffee (which is most likely not that hot anymore) is during the 5-10 seconds interval after they hang-up the phone, and before the other call come in. The shitty, stinking life of a call center agent.

I'm done talking about work, now let's talk about me. Well, there's nothing new that might interest you but if you care enough to know, I am getting better on the motorcycle. Matter of fact, after ranting to Alex, he finally allowed me to have my motorcycle for the weekend, that is last Saturday and yesterday with the promise that I'll be very careful not to hit some passerby on the street, which I kept. I maybe a bit rough on the road but I'm also starting to gain control on the wheels and I'm out to prove that guys aren't the only creature made to drive a motorcycle.

Yesterday, I went to the parlor with my motorcycle and I'm also proud to say that I know how to park that thing already. Park it neatly so it's out of the way, that is. Haha. Before, I park anywhere I wanted to and Alex used to give me a look that says, 'You didn't just do that.' then he would grab the keys from my hand and park it the right way. I would laugh as he shook his head and wonder how the hell can he trust me alone on the motorcycle. Well, now I think I just proved him he can. My Honda Alpha is still in one piece, like what it is when he left it with me. I am still in one piece, no broken bones or scratches on my face, and most importantly, no human being harmed on the streets as I passed them by.

There's a sense of freedom I get when I'm driving. The wind blowing my hair, which is now cut short by the way (I don't wanna bother posting a photo of my new haircut because it's not something to talk about. It's not like I'm a famous celebrity or something that I would get people to care about what my hair looks like now), the howl of sounds around me which includes the steady roar of my Alpha, the horns of other vehicles, the chugging machine of a huge truck, even the whistle of a traffic enforcer and the pride I feel whenever a guy on another motorcycle will stare at me,maybe wondering if the person he's looking at is really a girl. Well, I got news for you, I am a girl, I drive this Alpha and I'm here to kick your butt.

Sorry if I sound too egoistic for my own good but I believe that if a girl can do something that most people think is only for guys, then it's not a gender thing, it's about being able to do something and being damn proud of it.

Labels: Honda Alpha, pink crimson, red