When Expectations Fail

08-03-2009 Monday

I knew it. I just knew....

When Alex left the house earlier, I had a feeling that he wouldn't be back even though he said he will. We just had a great time last night when we went out and we arrived at the house at around 4:30 in the morning. He said he had to go home first to take a bath and change clothes then he'll come back so we can hang-out.

Now, it's 6:26pm on my desktop clock, I texted him, after sending him a load so he could reply. Guess what, he said they went out, he couldn't text me, he'll just come tomorrow. Wow, I knew it. The irritating thing is, I know he has the money, there's a loading station near his place, how come, in spite of all that, he still couldn't text me just to tell me he couldn't come instead of making me wait all day for him to come back?

I am pissed. Very pissed. I still haven't recovered from the lies I found out two weeks ago, and when he said he'll always be honest from then on I fucking believed him. Now look what he's done again. I ain't mad at the fact that he happened to have a fucking errand today, I mean, things like that happen right? What I'm fuming about is the fact that he wasn't able to inform me earlier that he couldn't live up to his words again. I had to wait all day, I had to run to my neighbor to load up my cellphone and I had to send him some load just to find out if he's okay, if he's still alive. Well, yeah, there it is, he's alive and well. He just couldn't drag his ass to make an effort to text me earlier. I had to wait the whole fucking day.

I replied a long message of how tired I am with that behavior he has. I told him I want to break up for real. I told him I'll pay whatever I owe him for fixing my motorcycle, thanked him for his time and I just want him to leave me alone from now on. I appreciated everything he has done for me. I know he loves me, I feel that but how can you love a person back if that person failed you?

Is it me? Am I expecting too much? Is it too much to ask him to tell me what exactly is going on with him? I hate it when I have to wait for him. I just feel like I don't deserve this.

He's mad when he replied but right now, I really don't care. I know he wouldn't let me break up with him just like that but I have to be alone for awhile. Just by myself..like before.

Labels: alex, love, pink crimson

posted by Monica-Lynne @ 5:54 AM